Oh fuck fuck fuckety fuck.
I think he just asked me out. I think.
I took MJ's advice and text him, which prompted a stream of frisky text messages, until it got to the point that I was like, hun, I'm not that sort of girl, I ain't giving it up for a one off in a dirty stairwell. Then he told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted me. But, he hinted, only for one thing. He asked me what I wanted. I told him he wasn't getting in my pants, and basically I just fancied him and that it was fun to flirt and have a grope. He said fair enough. And asked me when I was free.
Apparently we're gonna sort something.
Um. What?
I think I'll believe it when I see it.
But just in case, I should probably buy a new outfit, yes?
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Touching the Void
Can I ask a question? How do people survive dating? I mean, I know what I'm doing here isn't anywhere near as advanced as dating, and look at the frickin' state of me. I just wrote a really whiny post about him and believe it or not, after all the drivel I've posted lately, I'm too embarrassed to post it. It's just complete schlep.
The last time I had to 'date' was when I was 17 years old, and I kind of just sailed through the whole thing without any sort of game plan or worries because my boyfriend is a darling who pretty much decided I was the one for him instantaneously and treated me as such thereafter.
This shit is far too complicated for my tiny little brain. And coupled with the guilt? Forget about it.
Today is the first normal work day since he left and it is sucking big time. The hours are dragging by and I keep looking out for a glimpse of him out of habit. Phrases and nicknames he invented have stuck and people all around me are using them. He was a big presence and his absence is therefore really noticeable. I don't even feel like I can talk about him because people didn't realise we were remotely close and so it will look odd if I suddenly have all this knowledge when Sassy asks if anyone's heard from him. Can you imagine? "Oh yeah. He text me last night about one am, not sure how he is but his underwear was clean."
So. I'm trying to wait this out and not text him until Friday after I've been to see the new Bond with Studmuffin. I don't know why I'm so uptight about it since he sent me the last message on Monday, but I just feel like a little space is probably good. Either that or it's one of those seize the day things and I'll totally miss the boat by not pursuing him. One or the other, hey? Ho hum.
The last time I had to 'date' was when I was 17 years old, and I kind of just sailed through the whole thing without any sort of game plan or worries because my boyfriend is a darling who pretty much decided I was the one for him instantaneously and treated me as such thereafter.
This shit is far too complicated for my tiny little brain. And coupled with the guilt? Forget about it.
Today is the first normal work day since he left and it is sucking big time. The hours are dragging by and I keep looking out for a glimpse of him out of habit. Phrases and nicknames he invented have stuck and people all around me are using them. He was a big presence and his absence is therefore really noticeable. I don't even feel like I can talk about him because people didn't realise we were remotely close and so it will look odd if I suddenly have all this knowledge when Sassy asks if anyone's heard from him. Can you imagine? "Oh yeah. He text me last night about one am, not sure how he is but his underwear was clean."
So. I'm trying to wait this out and not text him until Friday after I've been to see the new Bond with Studmuffin. I don't know why I'm so uptight about it since he sent me the last message on Monday, but I just feel like a little space is probably good. Either that or it's one of those seize the day things and I'll totally miss the boat by not pursuing him. One or the other, hey? Ho hum.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Hormonally Yours
Government Health Warning: I am seriously hormonal today. Seriously.
- Insert rant about how Alfie is leading me on here. -
- Insert rant about how Alfie is leading me on here. -
Freak Like Me
Okay. I'm over the freak out now. But see how nuts I am? He makes me crazy.
Today on my course I met this girl who Alfie (Himself) once said - ages ago, when he hardly spoke to me - I reminded him of. She was bloody gorgeous! I was well chuffed. I'm nowhere near as pretty as her but I was pleased that he would even think to compare me to her. I mean, gorgeous! Looks nothing like me but still...
Also, he's stepped up the texting, which has helped to lift my mood. It's after midnight and we've been texting each other for the past half hour or so. Just silly things about how he owes me kisses and:
Chica: Never satisfied x
Alfie: Then satisfy me x
Le sigh.
I don't even know when I'll see him again. When I bumped into him the other day I was disgusted because the day before when I'd gone to town I made an effort, but on Sunday I just threw my comfy pumps and my coat I wear for work on and no make up. And he was there in his new leather jacket looking all hot despite the fact that the jacket was atrociously uber fashionable and like something someone in a boyband would wear. Go figure. So now, since he is threatening to drop by at work at some point to study, I need to try and look good at all times, even though I could easily miss him. Which, I'm sorry to say, is a major pain in the arse.
Also, can I just say... well I don't know how to say it. Some of my friends are really surprised, when they see Alfie, that I've got myself so worked up over him, especially when I've got such a hottie on my arm. But I just think he is so fit. I don't know if I have ever been so attracted to somebody. And it's not all based on looks. There's something there. At least from my point of view. Lila said she could see the sparks and feel the heat from us when she was working on a different floor. And something about how I was just drawn to stand right next to him in that shop even though I didn't know he was there. I mean, I know it was coincidence, but it was just... freaky. It was cool he noticed it.
Gawd, just listen to me. It'll all end in tears! Mine!
Today on my course I met this girl who Alfie (Himself) once said - ages ago, when he hardly spoke to me - I reminded him of. She was bloody gorgeous! I was well chuffed. I'm nowhere near as pretty as her but I was pleased that he would even think to compare me to her. I mean, gorgeous! Looks nothing like me but still...
Also, he's stepped up the texting, which has helped to lift my mood. It's after midnight and we've been texting each other for the past half hour or so. Just silly things about how he owes me kisses and:
Chica: Never satisfied x
Alfie: Then satisfy me x
Le sigh.
I don't even know when I'll see him again. When I bumped into him the other day I was disgusted because the day before when I'd gone to town I made an effort, but on Sunday I just threw my comfy pumps and my coat I wear for work on and no make up. And he was there in his new leather jacket looking all hot despite the fact that the jacket was atrociously uber fashionable and like something someone in a boyband would wear. Go figure. So now, since he is threatening to drop by at work at some point to study, I need to try and look good at all times, even though I could easily miss him. Which, I'm sorry to say, is a major pain in the arse.
Also, can I just say... well I don't know how to say it. Some of my friends are really surprised, when they see Alfie, that I've got myself so worked up over him, especially when I've got such a hottie on my arm. But I just think he is so fit. I don't know if I have ever been so attracted to somebody. And it's not all based on looks. There's something there. At least from my point of view. Lila said she could see the sparks and feel the heat from us when she was working on a different floor. And something about how I was just drawn to stand right next to him in that shop even though I didn't know he was there. I mean, I know it was coincidence, but it was just... freaky. It was cool he noticed it.
Gawd, just listen to me. It'll all end in tears! Mine!
Monday, November 27, 2006
I Don't Want a Lover
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar.
Was on a stupid course today about how to change the way you feel by attaching a different meaning to an action that might trigger a negative response in you. So, when Himself, known from now on as Alfie because Himself is just too problematic grammatically, and therefore in the spirit of progress: when Alfie doesn't bother to text back it is not because omigod he hates me he's totally lost interest but because he's out there having a life while I'm sitting waiting on his text message.
Yeah, that makes me feel so much better.
Okay. Note to Chica: get a life.
This week is my last full week at work. Next week I cut down to three days so I need to start thinking about how best to spend my study time.
I have tons of shopping to do this week, and a meeting with Dedalus to look forward to. I have to say I am super curious about that, but not entirely... I dunno. Convinced. I've been thinking a lot recently about friendship and what it means and who my real friends are. I do want to catch up with him and wish him well and everything but he's already let me down in the past. Is there a point? I get to the stage with some people where I just want to stop trying like I feel they have.
Maybe I will.
Was on a stupid course today about how to change the way you feel by attaching a different meaning to an action that might trigger a negative response in you. So, when Himself, known from now on as Alfie because Himself is just too problematic grammatically, and therefore in the spirit of progress: when Alfie doesn't bother to text back it is not because omigod he hates me he's totally lost interest but because he's out there having a life while I'm sitting waiting on his text message.
Yeah, that makes me feel so much better.
Okay. Note to Chica: get a life.
This week is my last full week at work. Next week I cut down to three days so I need to start thinking about how best to spend my study time.
I have tons of shopping to do this week, and a meeting with Dedalus to look forward to. I have to say I am super curious about that, but not entirely... I dunno. Convinced. I've been thinking a lot recently about friendship and what it means and who my real friends are. I do want to catch up with him and wish him well and everything but he's already let me down in the past. Is there a point? I get to the stage with some people where I just want to stop trying like I feel they have.
Maybe I will.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Close Encounters
So, today I went shopping again with very good intentions of spending money on other people and getting in a few Christmas pressies. I could not resist going into Faith and trying on some boots. They were £30 off, come on! But the colour I wanted were still full price. So I left them. But I can't promise I won't return.
On the way to look at something for my dad, I asked the Boyf, my very unwilling shopping buddy for the day, if he minded if we popped into River Island. I knew what I was looking for, so I walked straight through the shop to the back wall and straight to the end of the jewellery section, the Boyf trailing stoically behind me. I heard a voice say "Hello." It took a moment to register with me and then I heard it again. I turned. It was Himself, wearing his new leather jacket. "200 quid for that?!" I said, rather undiplomatically. He laughed. I introduced him to the Boyf. They shook hands right in front of my face. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. In that moment, I felt like the lowest of the low. I thought: this is not my life.
We stumbled over a couple more niceties and then his friend came out of the changing rooms and we bid each other farewell. (He didn't introduce me to his - female - friend.) I was giggling because I was nervous. I covered my mouth with my scarf and pretended to be really preoccupied with looking at purses. Boyf commented that Himself's hand was really sweaty.
I picked up a heart pendant and said I just wanted to look at a handbag downstairs. I picked up a red sequinned purse and tried to open it and the clasp fell off onto the floor. I laughed and picked it up and noticed Himself again. I pretended not to see him, and headed straight for the tills. On the way out, I kept my eyes to the floor, but I knew he was still there. Boyf later told me he'd been standing by the counter, striking a pose. He said he just stared at him.
The weird thing is, Boyf took an instant dislike to him. He described him as "an arrogant arsehole" who "looked gay" and "loved himself." Once we were home, in discussion with MJ, he told him that he was "weird looking with a bigger fod than Ant & Dec put together" and ridiculed him for spending £200 on a coat. MJ pointed out that Boyf had spent more than that on his North Face coat. "Yeah," Boyf said, "but that's useful, I could wear that in the Antarctic. I'd like to see him in the Antarctic!" He also said he made sure he gave him a very firm handshake and squeezed his hand really hard.
Jesus!
Before we came home Boyf and I went for something to eat. But I couldn't relax because my heart was racing after the encounter and I was trying desperately to talk about normal things. Boyf kept asking what I was thinking about and teased me that I was thinking about Himself and reckoned I fancied him. I replied with a very unconvincing "Shut up." I sent Himself a text saying: shit sorry, I think I blacked out for a second there. He replied: It's ok. You didn't act at all strange. I saw you as soon as you walked in and it was as though you just walked right through the shop and stood next to me. I was chuckling. As Guillermo said, chuckling so much his hands were sweating!
That was just the weirdest thing ever. It really was like it was meant to happen.
Oh, and then he sent me a picture of him in his Calvins. As you do.
On the way to look at something for my dad, I asked the Boyf, my very unwilling shopping buddy for the day, if he minded if we popped into River Island. I knew what I was looking for, so I walked straight through the shop to the back wall and straight to the end of the jewellery section, the Boyf trailing stoically behind me. I heard a voice say "Hello." It took a moment to register with me and then I heard it again. I turned. It was Himself, wearing his new leather jacket. "200 quid for that?!" I said, rather undiplomatically. He laughed. I introduced him to the Boyf. They shook hands right in front of my face. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. In that moment, I felt like the lowest of the low. I thought: this is not my life.
We stumbled over a couple more niceties and then his friend came out of the changing rooms and we bid each other farewell. (He didn't introduce me to his - female - friend.) I was giggling because I was nervous. I covered my mouth with my scarf and pretended to be really preoccupied with looking at purses. Boyf commented that Himself's hand was really sweaty.
I picked up a heart pendant and said I just wanted to look at a handbag downstairs. I picked up a red sequinned purse and tried to open it and the clasp fell off onto the floor. I laughed and picked it up and noticed Himself again. I pretended not to see him, and headed straight for the tills. On the way out, I kept my eyes to the floor, but I knew he was still there. Boyf later told me he'd been standing by the counter, striking a pose. He said he just stared at him.
The weird thing is, Boyf took an instant dislike to him. He described him as "an arrogant arsehole" who "looked gay" and "loved himself." Once we were home, in discussion with MJ, he told him that he was "weird looking with a bigger fod than Ant & Dec put together" and ridiculed him for spending £200 on a coat. MJ pointed out that Boyf had spent more than that on his North Face coat. "Yeah," Boyf said, "but that's useful, I could wear that in the Antarctic. I'd like to see him in the Antarctic!" He also said he made sure he gave him a very firm handshake and squeezed his hand really hard.
Jesus!
Before we came home Boyf and I went for something to eat. But I couldn't relax because my heart was racing after the encounter and I was trying desperately to talk about normal things. Boyf kept asking what I was thinking about and teased me that I was thinking about Himself and reckoned I fancied him. I replied with a very unconvincing "Shut up." I sent Himself a text saying: shit sorry, I think I blacked out for a second there. He replied: It's ok. You didn't act at all strange. I saw you as soon as you walked in and it was as though you just walked right through the shop and stood next to me. I was chuckling. As Guillermo said, chuckling so much his hands were sweating!
That was just the weirdest thing ever. It really was like it was meant to happen.
Oh, and then he sent me a picture of him in his Calvins. As you do.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Shop Til You Drop
Today I spent money I don't have on underwear the size and consistency of dental floss. Why? I mean, I bought a suspender belt. And stockings. And an eye mask. Who needs suspenders? I seriously think I have an addiction. I have just stopped myself from buying some more clothes online.
I was really looking for something to wear to the Christmas party. I have the dress (pictured.) And the shoes. But I need accessories. I'm on the look out for a handbag and jewellery. And some sexy knickers... *whistles* No reason.
I was quite proud of myself today though for resisting a pair of shoes. I even picked them up and they had my surname on the bottom. Seriously. And I put them down, and backed out of the shop, £55 richer.
Himself has been texting me all day and today he spent £200 on a leather jacket and £55 on a shirt. We were both shopping in town. He didn't suggest meeting up, but kept texting. Was he with Sarah? Or does he just not wanna see me?
I was really looking for something to wear to the Christmas party. I have the dress (pictured.) And the shoes. But I need accessories. I'm on the look out for a handbag and jewellery. And some sexy knickers... *whistles* No reason.Textual Chemistry
What's your game pilfering Chica says relax? Shocking! x
Chica says relax then?
Not to you she doesn't ;) x
So did you like my email then?
Yep it was good, can't wait for 'Muffin to read his bit. What you doing this eve?
Nothing now. Been to a black tie dinner earlier. Tuxedo. The works. Wasn't drinking though. Just chilling watching Jools Holland now. So you think 'Muffin will like his mention? What you up to then?
Oooh, get you! Himself in a tux. Bond rides again hey? Yeah I think he'll be very amused. I've just bought some Amy Winehouse tickets :) x
Didn't know you liked her. Had her last album but never really listened to it. And yes, Bond was out tonight.
Did ya leave the ladies shaken and stirred? I haven't got the last one, bought the new one cos I liked 'Rehab' and it rocks! Gigs not til Feb though, ages away! x
Ha. Hardly. I'm so tired now. Where's the naked pictures to keep me awake?
I think it's your turn? x
Ha. After you. I wanna see more than your wardrobe.
I daren't ask what you wanna see. Think you'd like to see my wardrobe actually, it's mirrored and I'm not wearing much, haha x
Take a pic then. You lying on your bed in your underwear will do. Unless you want to go further.
"Will do"? Do what? :P No fair, you've got James Bond props and I don't even get first pic? x
Props? What, a bow tie? Ha. Nobody wants to see me naked. You're the one with the amazing body.
Chica wants you naked... Oh well, I guess you're just gonna have to go to sleep and dream about it ;) x
Just send me one.
What's that about good things and waiting? Ha, I'm almost out of credit on my phone, how unfortunate! Got 2 texts worth left, will top up tomorrow. Can still receive though :P x
Don't be expecting any pics from me. Make your last text a good one.
Spoilsport x
Chica says relax then?
Not to you she doesn't ;) x
So did you like my email then?
Yep it was good, can't wait for 'Muffin to read his bit. What you doing this eve?
Nothing now. Been to a black tie dinner earlier. Tuxedo. The works. Wasn't drinking though. Just chilling watching Jools Holland now. So you think 'Muffin will like his mention? What you up to then?
Oooh, get you! Himself in a tux. Bond rides again hey? Yeah I think he'll be very amused. I've just bought some Amy Winehouse tickets :) x
Didn't know you liked her. Had her last album but never really listened to it. And yes, Bond was out tonight.
Did ya leave the ladies shaken and stirred? I haven't got the last one, bought the new one cos I liked 'Rehab' and it rocks! Gigs not til Feb though, ages away! x
Ha. Hardly. I'm so tired now. Where's the naked pictures to keep me awake?
I think it's your turn? x
Ha. After you. I wanna see more than your wardrobe.
I daren't ask what you wanna see. Think you'd like to see my wardrobe actually, it's mirrored and I'm not wearing much, haha x
Take a pic then. You lying on your bed in your underwear will do. Unless you want to go further.
"Will do"? Do what? :P No fair, you've got James Bond props and I don't even get first pic? x
Props? What, a bow tie? Ha. Nobody wants to see me naked. You're the one with the amazing body.
Chica wants you naked... Oh well, I guess you're just gonna have to go to sleep and dream about it ;) x
Just send me one.
What's that about good things and waiting? Ha, I'm almost out of credit on my phone, how unfortunate! Got 2 texts worth left, will top up tomorrow. Can still receive though :P x
Don't be expecting any pics from me. Make your last text a good one.
Spoilsport x
Friday, November 24, 2006
Boys Boys Boys
So, it's Friday and I've had the whole day off and done nothing. I was going to go Christmas shopping but then realised that Boyf was in possession of my cash card. A spot of clever planning for you there.
But it was still rather a strange and oddly productive day. I wrote out a Christmas list. I ordered some stuff off Play. And, upon checking my emails this morning I not only had the message from the (gloriously sexy) Himself but one from Dedalus, who is a friend from uni I haven't spoken to for about two years!
Furthermore, he said he'd wanted to contact me but had lost my email address and number (read: his girlfriend probably made him delete it), and so had tracked me down using the staff directory on the website for my workplace! Whoa, Nelly!
So, I emailed him back with my mobile number and after a preliminary text he rang me. He asked if he could call my home number and said that he remembered that but he hadn't wanted to use it because it seemed a bit random.
We're going to lunch or something next week.
When I told my boyfriend he said: "For God's sake, are you ever gonna spend any time with me?! You've got about four fellas on the go!" I asked if that was true, how come I'm sat at home alone on a Friday night? Boyf's having a boys night. Movies and junk food are on the agenda for me.
How random is that?
But it was still rather a strange and oddly productive day. I wrote out a Christmas list. I ordered some stuff off Play. And, upon checking my emails this morning I not only had the message from the (gloriously sexy) Himself but one from Dedalus, who is a friend from uni I haven't spoken to for about two years!
Furthermore, he said he'd wanted to contact me but had lost my email address and number (read: his girlfriend probably made him delete it), and so had tracked me down using the staff directory on the website for my workplace! Whoa, Nelly!
So, I emailed him back with my mobile number and after a preliminary text he rang me. He asked if he could call my home number and said that he remembered that but he hadn't wanted to use it because it seemed a bit random.
We're going to lunch or something next week.
When I told my boyfriend he said: "For God's sake, are you ever gonna spend any time with me?! You've got about four fellas on the go!" I asked if that was true, how come I'm sat at home alone on a Friday night? Boyf's having a boys night. Movies and junk food are on the agenda for me.
How random is that?
Smooth Operator
So ya know how I left the ball in his court and didn't text back last night?
From: Himself
Sent: Fri 24/11/2006 08:59
To: Chica
Subject:
mornin
im surprised you didnt reply to my last message last night.
I was quite impressed with the comedy.
How chuffed was I?
He also sent his group goodbye email out. Here is my bit:
I was workin on the second floor the other day and you were shelving. There was a group of lads checkin you out. Pow. Go get em chick.
Lovin the fashion girl.
And here is 'Muffin's, who got the longest shout out :) :
In Jedi terms – my young padawan learner.
“An apprentice Jedi who undergoes intensive one-on-one training under a Jedi Knight or Master after graduating from the academy.” (wikipedia)
A great lad. Bit quiet really, with some strange habits, such as his home library. But hey, we all have our idiosyncrasies. Like i said to him a while back, Im Michelangelo, he’s my Sistine Chapel. Im sculpting him into a mini me. So with a bit more training, ladies beware!!!
And here is the censored version he just sent me:
Talkin of the email, im just startin on it now. Still dont know what to put for you. Bit awkward cos everyone is gonna read it. So privately I can say to you, maybe one day im gonna fuck you silly. ;-)
Ladies beware indeed!
From: Himself
Sent: Fri 24/11/2006 08:59
To: Chica
Subject:
mornin
im surprised you didnt reply to my last message last night.
I was quite impressed with the comedy.
How chuffed was I?
He also sent his group goodbye email out. Here is my bit:
I was workin on the second floor the other day and you were shelving. There was a group of lads checkin you out. Pow. Go get em chick.
Lovin the fashion girl.
And here is 'Muffin's, who got the longest shout out :) :
In Jedi terms – my young padawan learner.
“An apprentice Jedi who undergoes intensive one-on-one training under a Jedi Knight or Master after graduating from the academy.” (wikipedia)
A great lad. Bit quiet really, with some strange habits, such as his home library. But hey, we all have our idiosyncrasies. Like i said to him a while back, Im Michelangelo, he’s my Sistine Chapel. Im sculpting him into a mini me. So with a bit more training, ladies beware!!!
And here is the censored version he just sent me:
Talkin of the email, im just startin on it now. Still dont know what to put for you. Bit awkward cos everyone is gonna read it. So privately I can say to you, maybe one day im gonna fuck you silly. ;-)
Ladies beware indeed!
Shine On You Crazy Diamond
I know this blog has mainly been reserved for admiration of Himself for this last couple of months or so. But today I want to extend the admiration and give a shout out to one incredible woman by the name of Wondy!
This woman ROCKS! I've received more support and laughter from her through this whole thing than I have from some of my closest friends, and I really count myself lucky that I stumbled over her blog one day and had the nouse to recognise a diamond when I saw one.
Wondy - you're a legend and I thank you for all the emails, comments, and pep talks over this past few months. Even though you're crazy busy and setting off on a wonderful adventure you've still found time to listen to me prattling on about some guy and have counseled me through some of my most pathetic moments! You're a very patient, understanding, and generous woman, and I love ya! You deserve all the sparkles, sunshine and happiness you can fit into your big fuck off rucksack and more!
Any friend who dreams about the guy you fancy because you've talked about him so much and doesn't complain about it is a star in my eyes! Throw in Declan Donnelly and barbershop quartet outfits and you've got yourself a keeper!
Rocker is lucky to have you!
This woman ROCKS! I've received more support and laughter from her through this whole thing than I have from some of my closest friends, and I really count myself lucky that I stumbled over her blog one day and had the nouse to recognise a diamond when I saw one.
Wondy - you're a legend and I thank you for all the emails, comments, and pep talks over this past few months. Even though you're crazy busy and setting off on a wonderful adventure you've still found time to listen to me prattling on about some guy and have counseled me through some of my most pathetic moments! You're a very patient, understanding, and generous woman, and I love ya! You deserve all the sparkles, sunshine and happiness you can fit into your big fuck off rucksack and more!
Any friend who dreams about the guy you fancy because you've talked about him so much and doesn't complain about it is a star in my eyes! Throw in Declan Donnelly and barbershop quartet outfits and you've got yourself a keeper!
Rocker is lucky to have you!
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Frankie Says Relax
So, he's gone. Going to work is pretty much going to suck now.
As well as chipping in for the group present (chocs, crisps, and £100 Zara vouchers), me and 'Muffin bought him a couple of little presents. 'Muffin chose them since he had the afternoon off to shop - a Parker fountain pen and a suede filofax. In the card, I wrote:
WANTED: Office hottie. Applications to Chica at (my workplace.) Must wear Vivienne Westwood shirts and be willing to take them off! It's all good! love, Chica x
He came and gave me a hug before he left. He smelled amazingly good. He said he'd email. It was a proper hug. I was in a rush to finish it because I didn't want to look a fool but he held on.
Then, he made a surprise return just before five. He teased me about my name being wrong on the invitation to the Christmas party. After a bit of encouragement from 'Muffin, I text him and put: Where's my goodbye kiss? He came down from his office, we exchanged a hot look and a smile. He lingered for fifteen minutes but I was really busy and there were loads of people around. He chickened out and left. Gutted! I text him while waiting for the bus and put: Sod ya then! He replied that he came to find me but everyone was there. I told him he owed me a kiss.
Shambollox!
But since I have spies at work I get to know a little more than I should. 'Muffin was working late and Himself popped back into work after a bit of late night shopping. He told him that he had only realised what he was doing by walking away when it was too late and he'd been a bit slow on the uptake. He also said that things are going badly with 'Sarah' and that he doesn't want a girlfriend. He said he didn't want me giving up something when he couldn't promise anything in return.
Then he said: But there's always the Christmas do... but she's not that sort of girl. (as I'm scurrying off to find my red stiletto heels!) 'Muffin insists that Himself thinks I'm a great girl and that he respects me.
Just after I'd spoken to 'Muffin on the phone, Himself text me: Just looking at my cards again. You made me chuckle. Thanks. Which sounds like nothing but is a big deal from him because he never makes the effort like that.
I replied with something jokey, he did the same, and now I've left it.
I think I've done enough. Ball's in his court.
As well as chipping in for the group present (chocs, crisps, and £100 Zara vouchers), me and 'Muffin bought him a couple of little presents. 'Muffin chose them since he had the afternoon off to shop - a Parker fountain pen and a suede filofax. In the card, I wrote:
WANTED: Office hottie. Applications to Chica at (my workplace.) Must wear Vivienne Westwood shirts and be willing to take them off! It's all good! love, Chica x
He came and gave me a hug before he left. He smelled amazingly good. He said he'd email. It was a proper hug. I was in a rush to finish it because I didn't want to look a fool but he held on.
Then, he made a surprise return just before five. He teased me about my name being wrong on the invitation to the Christmas party. After a bit of encouragement from 'Muffin, I text him and put: Where's my goodbye kiss? He came down from his office, we exchanged a hot look and a smile. He lingered for fifteen minutes but I was really busy and there were loads of people around. He chickened out and left. Gutted! I text him while waiting for the bus and put: Sod ya then! He replied that he came to find me but everyone was there. I told him he owed me a kiss.
Shambollox!
But since I have spies at work I get to know a little more than I should. 'Muffin was working late and Himself popped back into work after a bit of late night shopping. He told him that he had only realised what he was doing by walking away when it was too late and he'd been a bit slow on the uptake. He also said that things are going badly with 'Sarah' and that he doesn't want a girlfriend. He said he didn't want me giving up something when he couldn't promise anything in return.
Then he said: But there's always the Christmas do... but she's not that sort of girl. (as I'm scurrying off to find my red stiletto heels!) 'Muffin insists that Himself thinks I'm a great girl and that he respects me.
Just after I'd spoken to 'Muffin on the phone, Himself text me: Just looking at my cards again. You made me chuckle. Thanks. Which sounds like nothing but is a big deal from him because he never makes the effort like that.
I replied with something jokey, he did the same, and now I've left it.
I think I've done enough. Ball's in his court.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Ring the Alarm
Things I cannot take first thing in the morning:
a) standing really close to Himself while he's wearing my favourite of his shirts, smelling great, and playing me part of 'Last Request' he recorded on his phone.
b) Then being shown a picture of him and Sarah with her long bottle blonde hair extensions.
c) Knowing that, hours before the pic was taken, I was doin' some serious hip shakin' with her boyfriend.
a) standing really close to Himself while he's wearing my favourite of his shirts, smelling great, and playing me part of 'Last Request' he recorded on his phone.
b) Then being shown a picture of him and Sarah with her long bottle blonde hair extensions.
c) Knowing that, hours before the pic was taken, I was doin' some serious hip shakin' with her boyfriend.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Closer
As the lovely Heather recently said, Huzzah! The 'z' on my keyboard is acting up.
Well. I have so much to report. I remember back in the day when I could write a whole blog post about Himself maybe saying I had nice hair, or choosing a seat near mine, or laughing at a joke I made, but nowadays, all those little details become lost by the great big stomping fact that: we snogged!
Yeah, boo, hiss, I'm a dirty adulterer. I know all that stuff in my head, I should be made to walk round with a scarlet letter, I know I know I know. But can you all just be like the Samantha friend and not judge me? (Please don't be the Charlotte, I couldn't take the Charlotte!) 'Cos even though I am going to be hit by a big fist of guilt the moment I see my boyfriend, right now I wanna run round with my knickers on my head shouting: whheeeeeeeeee!
I put my arms around him under his jacket and tilted my mouth towards his. We started to kiss each other hesitantly at first and he slipped his hands under my skirt. I moved his hands away every time he did it and each time he'd stop kissing me. "Chill out," he said, and then, when he wasn't getting his way, "You're not gonna chill out are you?" I told him to behave and pulled him back towards me, kissing him. I was stroking his face and chest and kissing his neck. He was still trying to get under my skirt! I grabbed his arse and pulled him towards me. I could feel that he was hard and then he started to grind against me. He had me up against this metal door and it was making loads of noise. Then I spotted a student coming up the stairs and we had to prise ourselves apart.
We talked for a minute. He berated me for stopping him. I told him I had to stop him because I knew I'd be getting a text in twenty minutes or five seconds saying he regretted it. He said he wouldn't text me that tonight. He asked me what I was thinking. I said, "I can't believe I'm snogging (his real name) on the third floor." I asked what he was thinking. He said "I'm thinking I want you naked." We started to fool around again but we were both getting a bit jumpy. "We're going to get caught aren't we?" I said. Neither of us had any feasible excuse for being up there. "Let's go," I said, and we headed back downstairs. On the first floor, he ducked into the fire refuge and kissed me again. Then we headed out onto the first floor and pretended to have a conversation about something I'd showed him and how he should always contact me and I'd show him how it's done. He said he needed my help to find out what's under my tights. Then I went back to my books and had a surprisingly normal conversation with Shelverboy, who really needs a better nickname.
Fuck, this is a really long post, sorry!
Onto the final chapter now. Himself and I managed to be normal around each other at break. We talked about movies with everyone. Then I emailed him: Your moves have improved Alfie, I'm having a good effect on you already! ;P xx
Himself: My moves have improved. Which moves in particular
Chica: The few I've seen.
H: I havent even started. When I start, there can be no boundaries
C: There are those promises again ;)
H: Well you only find out when you stop with the boundaries
C: Maybe you need to try harder to break them down? ;) x
H: It's quite hard to when my hand gets yanked away, almost rupturing tendons!!!
C: Two rendezvous does not equal access all areas. This is one place where knowing all the right people won't get you in!
H: Why not??? So what do I have to do then?
C: Because I'm not that kind of girl! No, really :P *sigh* Alfie would know...
H: Alfie doesn’t care. Alfie needs to break down those barriers x
During this, he kept having to nip downstairs to deal with people at the computing desk, and he kept saying things as he ran past. I complained that he'd mauled me last week, and he said that he hadn't even started. He looked all flushed and excited and happy, and I'm betting so did I.
Now I dont see him for two days, and then I have one more day with him.
I'm thinking the only way to go from here is down, right? But: I got to snog him! Huzzah!
Well. I have so much to report. I remember back in the day when I could write a whole blog post about Himself maybe saying I had nice hair, or choosing a seat near mine, or laughing at a joke I made, but nowadays, all those little details become lost by the great big stomping fact that: we snogged!
Yeah, boo, hiss, I'm a dirty adulterer. I know all that stuff in my head, I should be made to walk round with a scarlet letter, I know I know I know. But can you all just be like the Samantha friend and not judge me? (Please don't be the Charlotte, I couldn't take the Charlotte!) 'Cos even though I am going to be hit by a big fist of guilt the moment I see my boyfriend, right now I wanna run round with my knickers on my head shouting: whheeeeeeeeee!
If I promise not to judge you, please don't do the knickers thing.
Oh my God. It was a much better encounter than Thursday, when he mauled me. He was still trying to go too far though, the naughty, persistant scamp! But I'm getting ahead of myself. Where to begin?
Okay. This morning I dressed in the stuff I told ya'll about yesterday. Including the new boots. Just before break he came down from his office and gave me the CD he promised to copy for me and we chatted a little bit. On breaks and everything today we have been really chatty with each other, just about regular stuff and it's been great. For example, we were talking about Bond and I said I'm not a fan of the Brosnon because he is smarmy. Himself was dismayed and began quizzing me over what movie stars I do like. After first break, he emailed me to say I was looking good, and when I didn't reply straight away he came down from his office to complain I was being 'smug.' I emailed him back and the subject got on to clothes. Cue the cheesy lines from Himself: "that old thing", is figure hugging. Wouldn't mind doing a bit of that myself ;-)
Mid email frenzy, I had to go around the library with a trolley collecting books. He came and found me on the first floor. The aisle I was in had a table of guys who had been checking me out when I walked past them, and while Himself was talking to me I saw him looking at them clocking it. He said he liked my boots and I told him I wasn't sure what I could wear them with and asked his opinion; he said 'nothing'. Then we talked about the Paolo Nutini gig he's going to tonight and I told him I'd have Last Request on repeat while he was enjoying the real thing, with the intention that he'd then think of me when the song played :P Then we both had to get back to work but he walked along with me and my trolley for a bit.
Anyway, back to the emails. We got on to discussing a certain jacket of his that I said reminded me of an old lecturer ('y'know, if he'd been fit and I'd wanted to snog the face off him'), who I said was 'a smarmy Pierce Brosnan type.' (And here's where my tip of the day comes in: if you want to make a guy like you, comparing him to Jude Law seems to do the trick!)
Himself: Like me ;-)
Chica: I’d say you were a bit more Jude Law than Pierce Brosnan… Not sure if you’ll take that as a compliment or not!
H: Jude Law is a legend. But my head would explode if I was to believe that line.
C: I said more so than Pierce, not that you’d be mobbed for autographs in the street :P He could play you in a film though ;) xx
H: Jude Law could play me in a film?
C: Yep. He’d need to work on the accent though…
H: You are fastly becoming my favourite person ever. Although i dont know if my head will fit out of the door now to come to lunch.
C: Although, he has already been in Alfie, so don’t know if he’d want to work on such a similar film??? :P x
H: Alfie. Ha. Shut up x
Banter galore right? Am I right? And nothing is sexier than banter my friends!
Okay. This morning I dressed in the stuff I told ya'll about yesterday. Including the new boots. Just before break he came down from his office and gave me the CD he promised to copy for me and we chatted a little bit. On breaks and everything today we have been really chatty with each other, just about regular stuff and it's been great. For example, we were talking about Bond and I said I'm not a fan of the Brosnon because he is smarmy. Himself was dismayed and began quizzing me over what movie stars I do like. After first break, he emailed me to say I was looking good, and when I didn't reply straight away he came down from his office to complain I was being 'smug.' I emailed him back and the subject got on to clothes. Cue the cheesy lines from Himself: "that old thing", is figure hugging. Wouldn't mind doing a bit of that myself ;-)
Mid email frenzy, I had to go around the library with a trolley collecting books. He came and found me on the first floor. The aisle I was in had a table of guys who had been checking me out when I walked past them, and while Himself was talking to me I saw him looking at them clocking it. He said he liked my boots and I told him I wasn't sure what I could wear them with and asked his opinion; he said 'nothing'. Then we talked about the Paolo Nutini gig he's going to tonight and I told him I'd have Last Request on repeat while he was enjoying the real thing, with the intention that he'd then think of me when the song played :P Then we both had to get back to work but he walked along with me and my trolley for a bit.
Anyway, back to the emails. We got on to discussing a certain jacket of his that I said reminded me of an old lecturer ('y'know, if he'd been fit and I'd wanted to snog the face off him'), who I said was 'a smarmy Pierce Brosnan type.' (And here's where my tip of the day comes in: if you want to make a guy like you, comparing him to Jude Law seems to do the trick!)
Himself: Like me ;-)
Chica: I’d say you were a bit more Jude Law than Pierce Brosnan… Not sure if you’ll take that as a compliment or not!
H: Jude Law is a legend. But my head would explode if I was to believe that line.
C: I said more so than Pierce, not that you’d be mobbed for autographs in the street :P He could play you in a film though ;) xx
H: Jude Law could play me in a film?
C: Yep. He’d need to work on the accent though…
H: You are fastly becoming my favourite person ever. Although i dont know if my head will fit out of the door now to come to lunch.
C: Although, he has already been in Alfie, so don’t know if he’d want to work on such a similar film??? :P x
H: Alfie. Ha. Shut up x
Banter galore right? Am I right? And nothing is sexier than banter my friends!
Jude knows how to please the ladies.
So, when he came down for lunch, he was dropping all these lines about Jude Law, asking people if they'd seen the film Alfie, singing Hey Jude etc. Me and a woman I work with were in agreement that Jude Law, though pretty, quite obviously loves himself and therefore loses points with us :P Then we were talking about his new job and Himself asked me directly, in front of people, if I thought he'd be able to just get an assistant sent up to his office for him at his new place. Then Nutter was flicking through a kids biology book and Himself was going on about how interesting he found the body and giving me that really sexy look again.
How I love that sexy look!
So. After lunch Himself was texting and emailing to try and get me to meet him for a 'stairwell rendezvous' but I was busy until about half two. I was meant to be tidying shelves so I told Shelverboy that if anyone was looking for me he should say I was helping a student, and walked past Himself's office and started going up to the third floor. When I got to the second floor, Himself came onto the stairwell below me. We were laughing and teasing each other; I'd already told him I was gonna let him know his boundaries and he was saying, "No boundaries, we hate boundaries."
Once we were in our 'spec', he pressed up against me and started rubbing his face against mine and running his hands over my thighs. Our legs were entwined. I decided to make the most of it and not to lose my bottle this time since I was basically at the point of no return anyway. How I love that sexy look!
So. After lunch Himself was texting and emailing to try and get me to meet him for a 'stairwell rendezvous' but I was busy until about half two. I was meant to be tidying shelves so I told Shelverboy that if anyone was looking for me he should say I was helping a student, and walked past Himself's office and started going up to the third floor. When I got to the second floor, Himself came onto the stairwell below me. We were laughing and teasing each other; I'd already told him I was gonna let him know his boundaries and he was saying, "No boundaries, we hate boundaries."
I put my arms around him under his jacket and tilted my mouth towards his. We started to kiss each other hesitantly at first and he slipped his hands under my skirt. I moved his hands away every time he did it and each time he'd stop kissing me. "Chill out," he said, and then, when he wasn't getting his way, "You're not gonna chill out are you?" I told him to behave and pulled him back towards me, kissing him. I was stroking his face and chest and kissing his neck. He was still trying to get under my skirt! I grabbed his arse and pulled him towards me. I could feel that he was hard and then he started to grind against me. He had me up against this metal door and it was making loads of noise. Then I spotted a student coming up the stairs and we had to prise ourselves apart.
We talked for a minute. He berated me for stopping him. I told him I had to stop him because I knew I'd be getting a text in twenty minutes or five seconds saying he regretted it. He said he wouldn't text me that tonight. He asked me what I was thinking. I said, "I can't believe I'm snogging (his real name) on the third floor." I asked what he was thinking. He said "I'm thinking I want you naked." We started to fool around again but we were both getting a bit jumpy. "We're going to get caught aren't we?" I said. Neither of us had any feasible excuse for being up there. "Let's go," I said, and we headed back downstairs. On the first floor, he ducked into the fire refuge and kissed me again. Then we headed out onto the first floor and pretended to have a conversation about something I'd showed him and how he should always contact me and I'd show him how it's done. He said he needed my help to find out what's under my tights. Then I went back to my books and had a surprisingly normal conversation with Shelverboy, who really needs a better nickname.
Fuck, this is a really long post, sorry!
Onto the final chapter now. Himself and I managed to be normal around each other at break. We talked about movies with everyone. Then I emailed him: Your moves have improved Alfie, I'm having a good effect on you already! ;P xx
Himself: My moves have improved. Which moves in particular
Chica: The few I've seen.
H: I havent even started. When I start, there can be no boundaries
C: There are those promises again ;)
H: Well you only find out when you stop with the boundaries
C: Maybe you need to try harder to break them down? ;) x
H: It's quite hard to when my hand gets yanked away, almost rupturing tendons!!!
C: Two rendezvous does not equal access all areas. This is one place where knowing all the right people won't get you in!
H: Why not??? So what do I have to do then?
C: Because I'm not that kind of girl! No, really :P *sigh* Alfie would know...
H: Alfie doesn’t care. Alfie needs to break down those barriers x
During this, he kept having to nip downstairs to deal with people at the computing desk, and he kept saying things as he ran past. I complained that he'd mauled me last week, and he said that he hadn't even started. He looked all flushed and excited and happy, and I'm betting so did I.
Now I dont see him for two days, and then I have one more day with him.
I'm thinking the only way to go from here is down, right? But: I got to snog him! Huzzah!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Expiration Dating
What do you think of my new, slinky boots?
They cost me £70 from Faith. I'm wearing them tomorrow with a grey pinafore dress and black polo neck. Himself leaves on Thursday. But since he is off on Tuesday and I think I'm on a course on Wednesday, I have but two outfits left until he leaves! What what!
Thursday he will be busy with everybody else too. So really, tomorrow is the last chance. Last chance for what I'm not sure, but I figure this is going to be a difficult week for me.
Which is a good enough reason as any to treat myself to these boots I say!
*sigh*
They cost me £70 from Faith. I'm wearing them tomorrow with a grey pinafore dress and black polo neck. Himself leaves on Thursday. But since he is off on Tuesday and I think I'm on a course on Wednesday, I have but two outfits left until he leaves! What what!
Thursday he will be busy with everybody else too. So really, tomorrow is the last chance. Last chance for what I'm not sure, but I figure this is going to be a difficult week for me.
Which is a good enough reason as any to treat myself to these boots I say!
*sigh*
Analyse This
While Himself and I were exchanging the most mind-boggling combinations of contrite and contrary text messages regarding our regrettable fumble in the stairwell ("I want to fuck you everywhere" versus "I never want to cheat on Sarah, ever" coming at me in rapid succession, particularly confusing when I know he has cheated on Sarah, but he doesn't know I know, and I can't let him know I know without dropping a friend in it), I enlisted the advice of a) my sister, b) Guillermo, and c) 'Muffin, (MJ was MIA) to try and make sense of the complete and utter shambles of my romantic escapades. To encourage some sort of sensible debate, I would like to recreate a conversation I had with the 'Muffin about the possible motives behind Himself's behaviour. And, for all those of you pursing your lips and shaking your heads at me, yes, I do know my own behaviour of late leaves a lot to be desired, but this is my blog and I can be as wrong as I like!
Chica: My sister thinks he wants something to happen but he's scared.
Chica: She was telling me about her kiss, and she was all indignant going "He grabbed my bum!"
Chica: And I was like "Wait til you hear what fucking Himself grabbed!"
'Muffin: Has he still not copped a feel of your knockers???
Chica: Nope.
'Muffin: He must be gay.
Solved. Hey, maybe I could just pretend he's gay and Sarah is actually Stanley? It would make me feel a hell of a lot better, and explain all the shopping. Then I could grope him all I want; MJ allows me as many gay boyfriends as I like!
Chica: My sister thinks he wants something to happen but he's scared.
Chica: She was telling me about her kiss, and she was all indignant going "He grabbed my bum!"
Chica: And I was like "Wait til you hear what fucking Himself grabbed!"
'Muffin: Has he still not copped a feel of your knockers???
Chica: Nope.
'Muffin: He must be gay.
Solved. Hey, maybe I could just pretend he's gay and Sarah is actually Stanley? It would make me feel a hell of a lot better, and explain all the shopping. Then I could grope him all I want; MJ allows me as many gay boyfriends as I like!
What Chica Did Next
What happens next?
I was on the third floor information desk. The people in the office behind me had disappeared for their break. Himself had already been up once for a spot of flirting, to find out what the sexy look I said he'd given me looked like. Then came the emails I posted already.
I was wearing this huge, silly smile reading them. Then a couple of students asked for my help, and I had to answer their queries. I started concocting a jocular way of saying no to his last email, when he burst through the double doors opposite my desk onto the third floor and strode towards the back staircase with a huge grin on his face. I burst out laughing. He lifted his chin and carried on. "I'm just emailing you!" I called. "Yeah," he answered from near the double doors, then he came back and said, "It's really dark in there too!" He looked devilish and handsome and excited. I looked at the time. It was almost time to finish anyway. I shut down the computer. He gave up and was about to leave. "Where are you going?" I asked, moving around the front of the desk. "Oh right," he said, and turned on his heel, leading the way to the back stairs. I followed him; a couple of students looked up as we passed.
It was pitch dark in there. I could hardly see his face, just make out his smile in the faint light from the street light through the window. He walked straight to the end of the little enclosure and leaned against the wall. I leaned against the opposite wall. We were both laughing. "Come on then," he said, "I thought you were going to do all kinds to me before my clothes were even off?"
I steeled myself and stepped forward. I walked right up to him until our bodies were touching. I couldn't see his face. I leaned forwards and rested my hands on the wall above his shoulders. I put my face close to his and brushed my lips against his cheek, lingering around but not touching his mouth, then kissing his neck really gently. He tasted like cologne. Then I slid a hand down to his waist and pulled him towards me. He started to respond and so I pulled away and laughed. "Shithouse," he said as I pulled the door handle to leave. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back inside, pushing me up against the wall. He pressed his body against mine, slipped his hand under my top and stroked my hip, and then...
Then he started thrusting a hand between my legs. "Don't," I whispered, pulling on the lapels of his suit jacket. Then he started trying to rub me through my jeans, really roughly. It hurt. "Stop it," I said, and pushed him away. "Shithouse," he said again, and again when I opened the door and left. I stroked his chest. "Not here, not now," I said. "Why?" he asked. I just laughed and walked away.
He followed me and we went down separate staircases to the ground floor. As soon as he went through the doors of the middle staircase I bolted across the third floor, running past a load of students who were eyeing me like I was a madwoman. I was more than a little shellshocked. I have to say I was a bit disappointed in his moves. What the Hell was that all about? It was hardly smooth. I mean, I don't know how he expected to turn me on by doing that, was he looking for a switch down there??
That said, I was elated. But almost immediately he text me apologising and saying he took things too far. A flurried spate of texting extracted the following information: he regretted what had just happened, he didn't want to cheat on Sarah, he wasn't going to leave her, something might happen in the future between us, he wanted to fuck me everywhere, he didn't want to come between me and the Boyf, and he promised he wouldn't be weird with me in work. I also told him he'd been quite rough.
Himself: Oh right. You prefer it more gentle then.
Chica: To begin with.
Himself: I'll remember.
He said he was sorry and felt like he was messing me about but he didn't mean to. I felt really rubbish and wanted to scream yes you are messing me about could you give me any more mixed messages than this? But instead I text back that we'd said it was just harmless flirting so he wasn't messing me about and that I knew it wasn't going anywhere, in an effort to avoid said weirdness.
I turned off my phone about eleven that night, but the next morning when I turned it on there was a message from him trying to get me to send him saucy pictures! I replied, 'haha, cheeky, pictures like that have to be earned'. But inside I was thinking... well, WTF?
I've seen him since and it was a little awkward but he did wish me a good night that night (I was going out with people from work) and was asking about the sexy boots I'd brought with me to change into.
I really don't know what to make of it all. I just can't stop thinking about his face as he burst through those double doors and how funny it was. I'd rather forget the crotch debacle though.
I repeat: What the Fuck?
I was on the third floor information desk. The people in the office behind me had disappeared for their break. Himself had already been up once for a spot of flirting, to find out what the sexy look I said he'd given me looked like. Then came the emails I posted already.
I was wearing this huge, silly smile reading them. Then a couple of students asked for my help, and I had to answer their queries. I started concocting a jocular way of saying no to his last email, when he burst through the double doors opposite my desk onto the third floor and strode towards the back staircase with a huge grin on his face. I burst out laughing. He lifted his chin and carried on. "I'm just emailing you!" I called. "Yeah," he answered from near the double doors, then he came back and said, "It's really dark in there too!" He looked devilish and handsome and excited. I looked at the time. It was almost time to finish anyway. I shut down the computer. He gave up and was about to leave. "Where are you going?" I asked, moving around the front of the desk. "Oh right," he said, and turned on his heel, leading the way to the back stairs. I followed him; a couple of students looked up as we passed.
It was pitch dark in there. I could hardly see his face, just make out his smile in the faint light from the street light through the window. He walked straight to the end of the little enclosure and leaned against the wall. I leaned against the opposite wall. We were both laughing. "Come on then," he said, "I thought you were going to do all kinds to me before my clothes were even off?"
I steeled myself and stepped forward. I walked right up to him until our bodies were touching. I couldn't see his face. I leaned forwards and rested my hands on the wall above his shoulders. I put my face close to his and brushed my lips against his cheek, lingering around but not touching his mouth, then kissing his neck really gently. He tasted like cologne. Then I slid a hand down to his waist and pulled him towards me. He started to respond and so I pulled away and laughed. "Shithouse," he said as I pulled the door handle to leave. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back inside, pushing me up against the wall. He pressed his body against mine, slipped his hand under my top and stroked my hip, and then...
Then he started thrusting a hand between my legs. "Don't," I whispered, pulling on the lapels of his suit jacket. Then he started trying to rub me through my jeans, really roughly. It hurt. "Stop it," I said, and pushed him away. "Shithouse," he said again, and again when I opened the door and left. I stroked his chest. "Not here, not now," I said. "Why?" he asked. I just laughed and walked away.
He followed me and we went down separate staircases to the ground floor. As soon as he went through the doors of the middle staircase I bolted across the third floor, running past a load of students who were eyeing me like I was a madwoman. I was more than a little shellshocked. I have to say I was a bit disappointed in his moves. What the Hell was that all about? It was hardly smooth. I mean, I don't know how he expected to turn me on by doing that, was he looking for a switch down there??
That said, I was elated. But almost immediately he text me apologising and saying he took things too far. A flurried spate of texting extracted the following information: he regretted what had just happened, he didn't want to cheat on Sarah, he wasn't going to leave her, something might happen in the future between us, he wanted to fuck me everywhere, he didn't want to come between me and the Boyf, and he promised he wouldn't be weird with me in work. I also told him he'd been quite rough.
Himself: Oh right. You prefer it more gentle then.
Chica: To begin with.
Himself: I'll remember.
He said he was sorry and felt like he was messing me about but he didn't mean to. I felt really rubbish and wanted to scream yes you are messing me about could you give me any more mixed messages than this? But instead I text back that we'd said it was just harmless flirting so he wasn't messing me about and that I knew it wasn't going anywhere, in an effort to avoid said weirdness.
I turned off my phone about eleven that night, but the next morning when I turned it on there was a message from him trying to get me to send him saucy pictures! I replied, 'haha, cheeky, pictures like that have to be earned'. But inside I was thinking... well, WTF?
I've seen him since and it was a little awkward but he did wish me a good night that night (I was going out with people from work) and was asking about the sexy boots I'd brought with me to change into.
I really don't know what to make of it all. I just can't stop thinking about his face as he burst through those double doors and how funny it was. I'd rather forget the crotch debacle though.
I repeat: What the Fuck?
Friday, November 17, 2006
Hit Me Baby One More Time
Hey, guess what? I found the harm in dirty emails. It lies just after him calling your bluff, and just before the texts saying he regrets it all! Read it from the bottom, up. And just so you know, I still haven't even kissed him.
From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:53
To: Chica
Subject: RE:
2 minutes time.
yes or no
From: Chica
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:53
To: Himself
Subject: RE:
don't be calling my bluff (his real, full name)!
From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:51
To: Chica
Subject: RE:
so i'll see you in 2 minutes then
From: Chica
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:50
To: Himself
Subject: RE:
it's always quiet in the xxxxxxxxx end stairwell. it's also the warmest place in the building ;) x
From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:48
To: Chica
Subject: RE:
really. Well i believe its pretty quiet in the xxxxxxxxx end stairwell right now :-)
From: Chica
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:47
To: Himself
Subject: RE:
well, if you really wanna know, get your kit off i'll be down in 2 minutes x
;)
It wouldn't happen like that, it would all happen at once, I would be doing things to you before you even had your clothes off xx
From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:43
To: Chica
Subject: RE:
well yes, she probably would have.
but, that wasnt the question.
I asked, what comes next.
The clothes are off. Now what???
From: Chica
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:42
To: Himself
Subject: RE:
Well if I'd have done it Tuesday night I think (old lady) might have had something to say.
From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:39
To: Chica
Subject:
so out of interest then, what happens after you have ripped my clothes off
From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:53
To: Chica
Subject: RE:
2 minutes time.
yes or no
From: Chica
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:53
To: Himself
Subject: RE:
don't be calling my bluff (his real, full name)!
From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:51
To: Chica
Subject: RE:
so i'll see you in 2 minutes then
From: Chica
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:50
To: Himself
Subject: RE:
it's always quiet in the xxxxxxxxx end stairwell. it's also the warmest place in the building ;) x
From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:48
To: Chica
Subject: RE:
really. Well i believe its pretty quiet in the xxxxxxxxx end stairwell right now :-)
From: Chica
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:47
To: Himself
Subject: RE:
well, if you really wanna know, get your kit off i'll be down in 2 minutes x
;)
It wouldn't happen like that, it would all happen at once, I would be doing things to you before you even had your clothes off xx
From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:43
To: Chica
Subject: RE:
well yes, she probably would have.
but, that wasnt the question.
I asked, what comes next.
The clothes are off. Now what???
From: Chica
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:42
To: Himself
Subject: RE:
Well if I'd have done it Tuesday night I think (old lady) might have had something to say.
From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:39
To: Chica
Subject:
so out of interest then, what happens after you have ripped my clothes off
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Famous Last Words
Further to my ridiculously soppy post earlier, I would just like to say that I have since commented to Himself that I liked that song and am thinking of buying the album, and he offered to copy it for me!
Even though I know that it doesn't mean anything, I love the fact that when he's gone I can pretend that it does. I can see myself now, sitting in the t-shirt with his name on, listening to the CD he copied for me...
Okay, this shit has got to stop. It's about time I got ballsy again methinks! Where's the harm in a little dirty emailing???
Even though I know that it doesn't mean anything, I love the fact that when he's gone I can pretend that it does. I can see myself now, sitting in the t-shirt with his name on, listening to the CD he copied for me...
Okay, this shit has got to stop. It's about time I got ballsy again methinks! Where's the harm in a little dirty emailing???
Let's Go There
Last night I was far too indulgent RE my crush and listened to Paolo Nutini's Last Request about a hundred times. The song can actually make me cry, and writing about it now has brought tears to my little mascara-lashed peepers! I am a woman on the edge!
Think this is because he's going to a Paolo Nutini gig next week *sigh* Probably with the woman who shall not be named! Annoyingly, that has only just occured to me!
Okay, I just added a whole new dimension of sadness and longing to the frickin' thing.
Thankfully, today I have been pretty casual, just chatting to him about his job, although I am probably betraying a rather too passionate interest in his welfare. Told him his trouble is he's spoilt for choice and has far too many options!
This crush officially sucks today.
Think this is because he's going to a Paolo Nutini gig next week *sigh* Probably with the woman who shall not be named! Annoyingly, that has only just occured to me!
Okay, I just added a whole new dimension of sadness and longing to the frickin' thing.
Thankfully, today I have been pretty casual, just chatting to him about his job, although I am probably betraying a rather too passionate interest in his welfare. Told him his trouble is he's spoilt for choice and has far too many options!
This crush officially sucks today.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
All Hooked Up
This morning I woke up and it was like I'd slept with a hanger in my mouth. I could not stop smiling. Now I'm worrying that it's already peaked, and this job stuff is going to preoccupy Himself too much for him to be interested in flirting with little old me :P I think he, like me, realised that there was only four days left, and he had nothing to lose by paying me a bit of attention and getting a good ego boost in return.
He may not be having a leaving do, and I'll be gutted if he doesn't. That means I won't see him until the Christmas party, and then, no more. I figure if I get at least one more night out with him, I'd get some room for something to... not happen. Change, I guess. I thought I would be fine with the just flirting stuff and really, if he was staying, I would be. I am. But when he leaves, I'll have no more contact with him. He's not going to stay in touch, I know it. Maybe when he leaves this stuff will all wear off and I'll read his cocky messages and think "arrogant bastard," and delete them. But I don't think he really is. Yes, he's cocky, but there's more to him than that.
I guess what I'm really hoping for is that if we keep flirting and stuff he'll start to feel something for me. I was really surprised by yesterday's developments, like him coming in to work and chatting to me, and then texting me to see if I'd got home okay. It was a lot of unexpected attention; it sent me into orbit a little.
And that sexy look. Fuck, you don't know what I'd do to get him to look at me like that again!
He may not be having a leaving do, and I'll be gutted if he doesn't. That means I won't see him until the Christmas party, and then, no more. I figure if I get at least one more night out with him, I'd get some room for something to... not happen. Change, I guess. I thought I would be fine with the just flirting stuff and really, if he was staying, I would be. I am. But when he leaves, I'll have no more contact with him. He's not going to stay in touch, I know it. Maybe when he leaves this stuff will all wear off and I'll read his cocky messages and think "arrogant bastard," and delete them. But I don't think he really is. Yes, he's cocky, but there's more to him than that.
I guess what I'm really hoping for is that if we keep flirting and stuff he'll start to feel something for me. I was really surprised by yesterday's developments, like him coming in to work and chatting to me, and then texting me to see if I'd got home okay. It was a lot of unexpected attention; it sent me into orbit a little.
And that sexy look. Fuck, you don't know what I'd do to get him to look at me like that again!
Grrrr...
Do you ever just want to like, smack someone down at work? Himself has an interview for this really great, really well paid job, but he's unsure whether to go because the interview date is two days after his start date at his new other great, well paid job. I was like, "Are you crazy?" because personally, I wouldn't think twice about going. He was worried because they're going to be spending money training him up and if he leaves then they'll have to readvertise, but I was like, "Well they must be used to people doing that, it's not like it's just you being a pain," and this girl who works above us, let's call her Osmond, was like, "Oh, it's not like that with jobs higher up the scale," in a really dismissive way. Girl is way too big for her boots. Doesn't she know Himself can do whatever he wants? :P
Think I may have made a bit of an idiot of myself. But everyone was whining to him about loyalty to the company etc. and I was just like, "What? Oh hell no!" He's not going to get any thanks for not going for a job that's worth at least £11,000 more a year, a job he told me he'd love that day he invited me up to his office.
They're misleading my puppy and I don't like it!
Think I may have made a bit of an idiot of myself. But everyone was whining to him about loyalty to the company etc. and I was just like, "What? Oh hell no!" He's not going to get any thanks for not going for a job that's worth at least £11,000 more a year, a job he told me he'd love that day he invited me up to his office.
They're misleading my puppy and I don't like it!
Push the Button
Oh my Lord, I am having the best time with Himself. It's really quite scary because he has a massive influence on the way I feel and I know that at any moment it's gonna crash and burn. Couple that with the fact that he leaves next Thursday and because of his time off I will have only four more working days with him!!! Prepare yourselves for the catastrophe to come. I'm a bloody mess right now so can you imagine me when I'm never going to see him again and I have to readjust to my old life? I don't think work is going to be bearable without that little drama to spice things up.
I could not believe it when he turned up at work last night, to pick up some papers for uni. It was such a nice surprise. I'd been saying to him earlier in the day too that I couldn't imagine him in a t-shirt because he's always smartly dressed and he turned up in a t-shirt, combats, and trainers. I've never seen him so casual, it was like seeing him without his armour or something. He seemed more approachable and everything, it was weird. Anyway, he hung around for a bit and we talked (me, him, 'Muffin, and this old lady I work with on Tuesday nights who kept butting in, doh.) I have a couple of days leave to take and I'd booked them on the same days he had off so I wouldn't miss any time with him in his last week - how sad am I?! - and then he told me he'd changed them so I ran and discreetly changed them too (except 'Muffin caught me and ripped the piss out of me!)
I can't remember what we talked about now cos I was in a bit of a spin. There were a few flirty moments. He and 'Muffin were both gloating because they both have today off. Himself asked me to email him in the morning and said he'd read it before he even got out of bed on his laptop. On the way out I lingered with 'Muffin and Himself was teasing us for being touchy feely. He joined us and was teasing me about blushing when he asked who I was trying to impress.
When I got home, I noticed a text message. It was from him, asking if I got home okay. We then texted each other back and forth for about two hours until midnight. He was getting fairly saucy and trying to get me to send him a picture of what he was missing. I sent him a picture of the red heels :P
Himself: Haha. Good. I was thinking of something a bit more 'physical'.
Chica: You can think about something a bit more physical all you like babe.
Himself: Ha. Shithouse.
Chica: ;) email you in the morning hun, g'night x
Himself: night.
In lots of the emails since and the texts before he is so cocky. As in: me in the steam room. I can see how that would lighten up your afternoon. And when I tell my friends some of it, I can see that they are hating on the guy for it. But I am LOVING IT! I cannot help myself. I'm just floating along in a constant state of ecstacy.
You know, until the fallout.
I could not believe it when he turned up at work last night, to pick up some papers for uni. It was such a nice surprise. I'd been saying to him earlier in the day too that I couldn't imagine him in a t-shirt because he's always smartly dressed and he turned up in a t-shirt, combats, and trainers. I've never seen him so casual, it was like seeing him without his armour or something. He seemed more approachable and everything, it was weird. Anyway, he hung around for a bit and we talked (me, him, 'Muffin, and this old lady I work with on Tuesday nights who kept butting in, doh.) I have a couple of days leave to take and I'd booked them on the same days he had off so I wouldn't miss any time with him in his last week - how sad am I?! - and then he told me he'd changed them so I ran and discreetly changed them too (except 'Muffin caught me and ripped the piss out of me!)
I can't remember what we talked about now cos I was in a bit of a spin. There were a few flirty moments. He and 'Muffin were both gloating because they both have today off. Himself asked me to email him in the morning and said he'd read it before he even got out of bed on his laptop. On the way out I lingered with 'Muffin and Himself was teasing us for being touchy feely. He joined us and was teasing me about blushing when he asked who I was trying to impress.
When I got home, I noticed a text message. It was from him, asking if I got home okay. We then texted each other back and forth for about two hours until midnight. He was getting fairly saucy and trying to get me to send him a picture of what he was missing. I sent him a picture of the red heels :P
Himself: Haha. Good. I was thinking of something a bit more 'physical'.
Chica: You can think about something a bit more physical all you like babe.
Himself: Ha. Shithouse.
Chica: ;) email you in the morning hun, g'night x
Himself: night.
In lots of the emails since and the texts before he is so cocky. As in: me in the steam room. I can see how that would lighten up your afternoon. And when I tell my friends some of it, I can see that they are hating on the guy for it. But I am LOVING IT! I cannot help myself. I'm just floating along in a constant state of ecstacy.
You know, until the fallout.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Corporation t-shirt, frickin' brilliant Tuesday
You know that song, I don't know what it's called, but there's a lyric that goes: last night a DJ saved my life? Well, that's going round in my head, but with the word t-shirt instead of DJ.
On Sunday I had a girlie day with my sister. We went shopping. I got holes punched in my ears. All very relaxing. (I'll come back to that.) In Zara, I spotted this great t-shirt. It had the crushes name on it, followed by the words, "This is my Boyfriend," and with the slogan "Personal Office Stories." Well, I nearly fell over when I saw it, I couldn't believe the coincidence. I dragged my sister into the shop to show her, and she forced me to buy it.
I wore it to work Monday. He approved. Then I sent him an e-mail saying "tomorrow I'm gonna wear one that says 'player' xx". I sent it at 9:07, and as you can see from my speechless post, they just kept on coming. He emailed me 16 times! Yes, I counted! And as you may also be able to see from the final email, things just kept getting hotter!
It wasn't just flirting. We had a really good chat in the staff room at lunch, not about anything important and other people were there, but it was just nice to talk to him like a normal human being. He made the effort to talk to me too. I was a very happy bunny and extra super nice to everyone I served!
And it wasn't just the content of the emails but the fact that every time he came downstairs I caught him looking at me. He even complained a couple of times that I hadn't emailed him back yet. I felt amazing.
Then today, I kind of went all out and wore a sexy grey backless polo neck jumper affair, with a black and grey tweed miniskirt and leggings (I know!) I got loads of compliments and 'Muffin went on about how gorgeous I was in front of him, bless his cotton socks! Himself was like, "Are you trying to impress somebody?" and flashed me a really cheeky grin. Later, he was stood behind Sassy at reception and he just gave me this really sexy look. I wanted to rip his clothes off right there. But I got all shy and looked away and I heard Sassy say something and he said, "I'm just smiling at her." Then he came over and asked P.Diddy what he thought of my outfit. P. said I looked lovely and I said P. was a gentleman and would never say anything different. Himself laughed and P. said "I'll tell you later."
Didn't see him much more for the rest of the day but as he left at five he said he'd meant to email me but he'd been in a meeting all afternoon, and that he liked the outfit :)
As I've been writing this, actually when I typed the words "I wanted to rip his clothes off right there", he's turned up unexpectedly. More later!
On Sunday I had a girlie day with my sister. We went shopping. I got holes punched in my ears. All very relaxing. (I'll come back to that.) In Zara, I spotted this great t-shirt. It had the crushes name on it, followed by the words, "This is my Boyfriend," and with the slogan "Personal Office Stories." Well, I nearly fell over when I saw it, I couldn't believe the coincidence. I dragged my sister into the shop to show her, and she forced me to buy it.
I wore it to work Monday. He approved. Then I sent him an e-mail saying "tomorrow I'm gonna wear one that says 'player' xx". I sent it at 9:07, and as you can see from my speechless post, they just kept on coming. He emailed me 16 times! Yes, I counted! And as you may also be able to see from the final email, things just kept getting hotter!
It wasn't just flirting. We had a really good chat in the staff room at lunch, not about anything important and other people were there, but it was just nice to talk to him like a normal human being. He made the effort to talk to me too. I was a very happy bunny and extra super nice to everyone I served!
And it wasn't just the content of the emails but the fact that every time he came downstairs I caught him looking at me. He even complained a couple of times that I hadn't emailed him back yet. I felt amazing.
Then today, I kind of went all out and wore a sexy grey backless polo neck jumper affair, with a black and grey tweed miniskirt and leggings (I know!) I got loads of compliments and 'Muffin went on about how gorgeous I was in front of him, bless his cotton socks! Himself was like, "Are you trying to impress somebody?" and flashed me a really cheeky grin. Later, he was stood behind Sassy at reception and he just gave me this really sexy look. I wanted to rip his clothes off right there. But I got all shy and looked away and I heard Sassy say something and he said, "I'm just smiling at her." Then he came over and asked P.Diddy what he thought of my outfit. P. said I looked lovely and I said P. was a gentleman and would never say anything different. Himself laughed and P. said "I'll tell you later."
Didn't see him much more for the rest of the day but as he left at five he said he'd meant to email me but he'd been in a meeting all afternoon, and that he liked the outfit :)
As I've been writing this, actually when I typed the words "I wanted to rip his clothes off right there", he's turned up unexpectedly. More later!
Monday, November 13, 2006
Speechless
From: Himself
To: Chica
Subject: RE:
Sent: Mon 13/11/2006 15:48
youd like to see me try and ruin you?
Girl it would be easy.
I know id have you melting. And you know it too.
PS i know that you would like to see me try
To: Chica
Subject: RE:
Sent: Mon 13/11/2006 15:48
youd like to see me try and ruin you?
Girl it would be easy.
I know id have you melting. And you know it too.
PS i know that you would like to see me try
Sunday, November 12, 2006
What kind of fuckery is this?
After a week of such romantic heartache - I must now rather morosely add that at this time last week I was avoiding the clutches of Himself - I should by rights be out on the town drinking large cocktails with girl friends, or at least the Gay Brigade. But noooo. It was the Boyf's birthday this week (I know!) and he turned 29. So, plan was I would take him out tonight for a slap up meal and a few drinks. Then it rained on my parade. (Well, actual rain, but not so much a parade as an oh-fuck-what-do-I-do-with-this-new-hairstyle? moment.) Whilst I was getting ready, the Boyf cancelled on me due to the admittedly abhorrent weather. So we stayed in, watched X factor and Parky, and he drank beer. Woohoo!
MJ begged me to go out, but I felt a little mean on the Boyf, since it was meant to be his birthday night. Even though it was him cancelling the night out, I felt like I should at least keep him company rather than running off with a tall handsome blonde and his sexy boyfriend for a night of fun, frolics and talking about men. Oh okay, one man.
Look I know I've crossed the line into psycho but I just cannot tear my mind off the idiot. I am attempting to cure my condition with the use of sad songs tempered by kick ass songs, searching for the perfect look-what-you're-missing-bucko outfit to wear for his leaving do, and I even attempted to pretend everything was okay and pay some attention to the boyfriend (which ended in absolute disaster by the way.) But until I'm over it I'm just going to have to indulge the hysterical harpie inside and then, when my judgement isn't clouded by the memory of his face so close to mine and the fact that I didn't kiss him, then I will decide what I want to do about Boyf.
Because really, even though I really fancy the arse off Himself, I could have had him last Saturday. And something stopped me. Some thin layer of the morals my mother instilled in me clung on perhaps, but there was also the strange feeling that I didn't want to go there. Now, after all my fantasising and stolen looks and especially all the banging on about him, what the bloody hell was that about? And I'm just talking about kissing here, because I'd never go there. I didn't even want to kiss the guy when it was offered to me on a plate! I turned him down! The guy I'm now fantasising about kissing! WTF?
You know when you're a teenager and you fancy a pop star, and you're really convinced that you're like in love with them, when really your hormones are just all over the place and you need a safe person to focus all that energy on, a person completely unattainable and remote, somebody you don't even know so that you can sort of dream up their personality to suit your taste? Well, is that what's happening here? Or, to put it another way, is Himself actually Mark Owen? Am I wanting a new life and dramatising it all into this 'affair' with a man very different from the Boyf - in good and bad ways - so that I can imagine an alternative lifestyle, but without the fear of being alone?
Or am I just plain batshit crazy?
Your guess is as good as mine.
MJ begged me to go out, but I felt a little mean on the Boyf, since it was meant to be his birthday night. Even though it was him cancelling the night out, I felt like I should at least keep him company rather than running off with a tall handsome blonde and his sexy boyfriend for a night of fun, frolics and talking about men. Oh okay, one man.
Look I know I've crossed the line into psycho but I just cannot tear my mind off the idiot. I am attempting to cure my condition with the use of sad songs tempered by kick ass songs, searching for the perfect look-what-you're-missing-bucko outfit to wear for his leaving do, and I even attempted to pretend everything was okay and pay some attention to the boyfriend (which ended in absolute disaster by the way.) But until I'm over it I'm just going to have to indulge the hysterical harpie inside and then, when my judgement isn't clouded by the memory of his face so close to mine and the fact that I didn't kiss him, then I will decide what I want to do about Boyf.
Because really, even though I really fancy the arse off Himself, I could have had him last Saturday. And something stopped me. Some thin layer of the morals my mother instilled in me clung on perhaps, but there was also the strange feeling that I didn't want to go there. Now, after all my fantasising and stolen looks and especially all the banging on about him, what the bloody hell was that about? And I'm just talking about kissing here, because I'd never go there. I didn't even want to kiss the guy when it was offered to me on a plate! I turned him down! The guy I'm now fantasising about kissing! WTF?
You know when you're a teenager and you fancy a pop star, and you're really convinced that you're like in love with them, when really your hormones are just all over the place and you need a safe person to focus all that energy on, a person completely unattainable and remote, somebody you don't even know so that you can sort of dream up their personality to suit your taste? Well, is that what's happening here? Or, to put it another way, is Himself actually Mark Owen? Am I wanting a new life and dramatising it all into this 'affair' with a man very different from the Boyf - in good and bad ways - so that I can imagine an alternative lifestyle, but without the fear of being alone?
Or am I just plain batshit crazy?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Friday, November 10, 2006
What-A-Mess
God, I'm trying to write a clever post about the wisdom of 'the chat' but I can't fucking function. I didn't have the concentration to read Heat magazine the other day, never mind write something intelligent. Basically, if you're a single woman out there struggling with dating, I would just like to offer you this snippet of advice: NEVER HAVE THE TALK.
Yes, you may find out where you stand, but The Talk kills off all notion of possibility. It also quite possibly embarrasses the hell out of the object of your affection so that flirting becomes impossible and practically all contact is initiated by you.
I'm listening to Amy Winehouse. That's when you know it's bad.
You know that Sex and the City moment where Carrie cries in the new Yankee's mouth over Big? I totally know how that fictional character felt. I kind of just did it to the Boyf. Only worse.
Since I'm no good with words, here's a picture to summarise the whole Crunchie/Chica saga.
Yes, you may find out where you stand, but The Talk kills off all notion of possibility. It also quite possibly embarrasses the hell out of the object of your affection so that flirting becomes impossible and practically all contact is initiated by you.
I'm listening to Amy Winehouse. That's when you know it's bad.
You know that Sex and the City moment where Carrie cries in the new Yankee's mouth over Big? I totally know how that fictional character felt. I kind of just did it to the Boyf. Only worse.
Since I'm no good with words, here's a picture to summarise the whole Crunchie/Chica saga.
I really should have known it would end like this earlier, like when he said, word for word: "All men are dogs."
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
KnockBack from SexyBack
Well, after a disappointing day yesterday, and increasingly difficult moments with the Boyf, I decided to have it out with Himself and sort out once and for all what's going on between us. Ever wish you hadn't made an incredibly stupid, rash decision?
I was feeling pretty bold in a pair of high heels, well fitting dark blue jeans, and a simple but flattering top, and finally stopped acting like such a wimp. I summoned him to meet me while I was on a really boring shelving job. When I noticed him approaching, my heart started beating faster. I tried to prepare myself. He turned the corner and said "Just follow the sound of the jingling," about my bracelets. I agreed and commented that I was noisy today, since he'd earlier remarked on my high heels clicking across the floor. He'd also stroked my arm while we were looking at photos, put his head really close to mine, and told me I looked cute in a truly heinous picture of me and 'Muffin. Since the flirting episodes were apparently back on I would maybe have not bothered with the talk, except I'd already asked to chat to him that morning.
I can't face re-hashing it all, so here is the e-mail I sent Guillermo earlier today.
Well, it went okay, but basically nothings gonna happen and I can't get my hands on Himself.
I was really proud of myself actually for the way I handled it; I was very grown up and really cool when he gave me the knock back.
I said there were probably better ways to put it but I needed to know where I stood and whether or not this was harmless flirting or if he wanted something to happen. He said he didn't know. I said he'd asked me what I wanted but I didn't know what he wanted, that he speaks to me likes he's single when he's not, and that I need to know what he thinks.
He said he does want something to happen and he is interested but he couldn't cheat on Sarah. I said for the record I wouldnt cheat on the Boyf, if he asked me out I would finish with him first. He said things are going shit with him and Sarah at the minute and they could break up at the weekend, he doesn't know.
I said I just wanted to grab him and he laughed, I said I felt like I couldn't because I think he regrets Saturday. He said he doesn't regret it at all. I said 'You said a lot of things to me on Saturday, but I didn't take them seriously because you were drunk.'
He asked what he said. I said 'Do you remember trying to kiss me on the way out?' he looked sheepish and said no. I said 'Do you remember asking me to come home with you?' he covered his face with his hand, I said 'Do you remember telling me to get single?' he squirmed a bit further and said sorry. I said it was ok cos I knew he was pissed. He said sorry :P
I said 'Ok, just harmless flirting then?' he said 'For now' and I said I was happy with that.
Then we talked about how his jacket was looking a bit shiny and had he ironed it? :P
I said to be honest I never thought he'd be interested anyway until Saturday. He said he was interested it was just the situation. I said 'I know, I'm in the same situation.'
I said thanks for coming to chat to me, he apologised again and said he shouldn't have said all that on Saturday. I said it was fine and not to worry about it.
Not spoken to him since, but you know he's not gonna effin flirt with me ever again in a gazillion years :P
I need a hug :( x
At some point he also said that being tied to an office chair sounded great, forgot that bit earlier :P *sigh*
What now?
I was feeling pretty bold in a pair of high heels, well fitting dark blue jeans, and a simple but flattering top, and finally stopped acting like such a wimp. I summoned him to meet me while I was on a really boring shelving job. When I noticed him approaching, my heart started beating faster. I tried to prepare myself. He turned the corner and said "Just follow the sound of the jingling," about my bracelets. I agreed and commented that I was noisy today, since he'd earlier remarked on my high heels clicking across the floor. He'd also stroked my arm while we were looking at photos, put his head really close to mine, and told me I looked cute in a truly heinous picture of me and 'Muffin. Since the flirting episodes were apparently back on I would maybe have not bothered with the talk, except I'd already asked to chat to him that morning.
I can't face re-hashing it all, so here is the e-mail I sent Guillermo earlier today.
Well, it went okay, but basically nothings gonna happen and I can't get my hands on Himself.
I was really proud of myself actually for the way I handled it; I was very grown up and really cool when he gave me the knock back.
I said there were probably better ways to put it but I needed to know where I stood and whether or not this was harmless flirting or if he wanted something to happen. He said he didn't know. I said he'd asked me what I wanted but I didn't know what he wanted, that he speaks to me likes he's single when he's not, and that I need to know what he thinks.
He said he does want something to happen and he is interested but he couldn't cheat on Sarah. I said for the record I wouldnt cheat on the Boyf, if he asked me out I would finish with him first. He said things are going shit with him and Sarah at the minute and they could break up at the weekend, he doesn't know.
I said I just wanted to grab him and he laughed, I said I felt like I couldn't because I think he regrets Saturday. He said he doesn't regret it at all. I said 'You said a lot of things to me on Saturday, but I didn't take them seriously because you were drunk.'
He asked what he said. I said 'Do you remember trying to kiss me on the way out?' he looked sheepish and said no. I said 'Do you remember asking me to come home with you?' he covered his face with his hand, I said 'Do you remember telling me to get single?' he squirmed a bit further and said sorry. I said it was ok cos I knew he was pissed. He said sorry :P
I said 'Ok, just harmless flirting then?' he said 'For now' and I said I was happy with that.
Then we talked about how his jacket was looking a bit shiny and had he ironed it? :P
I said to be honest I never thought he'd be interested anyway until Saturday. He said he was interested it was just the situation. I said 'I know, I'm in the same situation.'
I said thanks for coming to chat to me, he apologised again and said he shouldn't have said all that on Saturday. I said it was fine and not to worry about it.
Not spoken to him since, but you know he's not gonna effin flirt with me ever again in a gazillion years :P
I need a hug :( x
At some point he also said that being tied to an office chair sounded great, forgot that bit earlier :P *sigh*
What now?
Monday, November 06, 2006
Secretary
I know I promised I wouldn't, but I've since had requests, and I've also been advised to delete these messages off my phone, which I don't think I can bear to do, so this is just in case I have to at a moments notice :P
After our morning break today, Himself came down and told me he'd texted me and I should go and get my phone. I talked to him a little bit (like, a sentence) and then picked my phone up out of my drawer, at which point he looked all shy, so I didn't read it in front of him. I took my book trolley to collect some things from the shelves and smuggled the phone out with me. It said: How about that meeting in my office? I, thinking he was just repeating the chat up lines of the weekend, quickly replied with a huge smile on my face.
Chica: You're all talk x
H: My office is empty
C: Are you tryna get me in trouble? I'm on holds, first floor is next on my list x
H: Ha. See you soon
When I got that empty office message, I nearly fell over. I ran and put some lipstick on and checked my hair in the mirror. Once there, however, it was hella awkward. I asked what I could do for him and he just laughed. We just kept looking at each other and laughing. I was the most nervous and blushing rather furiously at first but on looking back I have to say I went in there and actually tried to talk, while he invited me there and didn't really have a clue what he'd do if I came. We talked about job interviews. And a little about Saturday night. I said we'd crossed a line. He said nothing really happened and nothing would happen anyway. On my way out (I was running late with the job I was meant to be doing) I said, "So is that your final answer? Nothing can happen?" He looked surprised and said that 'Muffin had told him I wouldn't do anything. He asked me if I wanted something to happen. I said I didn't know and that I'd speak to him about it when I wasn't on the clock. But, once I got outside, I cracked and sent him a text. And then they just kept on coming until lunch time, when I had to sit opposite him in a room full of people, in torment.
C: ('Muffin's real name) has a high opinion of me x
H: And what exactly would you like to happen
C: Well I would simply like to get to know you better x
H: Is that in a 'get to know you better ;-)' kind of way
C: Well I would like you half naked and tied to an office chair really but I gotta start somewhere
H: Now that sounds like a plan
C: Haha, won't be able to look you in the face now x
H: I just want to know why I'm only half naked
C: Helps with balance x
H: The quiet ones are always the worst
C: I'll let you into a secret; I'm not really quiet, it's all a charade. You'll come to know this if you get to know me better ;) Have fun teaching x
H: Is that a 'get to know you' in a 'tied to an office chair' type of way
I'm totally freaking out about things with him now in a way I've never freaked out before. I hate that he knows how much I like him because I think that will be a major turn off. I just don't know what to do next. How do I get him to ask me out? Or should I just leave the ball in his court now? And, should I text him a 'good luck sexy' text in the morning for his job interview or not?
After our morning break today, Himself came down and told me he'd texted me and I should go and get my phone. I talked to him a little bit (like, a sentence) and then picked my phone up out of my drawer, at which point he looked all shy, so I didn't read it in front of him. I took my book trolley to collect some things from the shelves and smuggled the phone out with me. It said: How about that meeting in my office? I, thinking he was just repeating the chat up lines of the weekend, quickly replied with a huge smile on my face.
Chica: You're all talk x
H: My office is empty
C: Are you tryna get me in trouble? I'm on holds, first floor is next on my list x
H: Ha. See you soon
When I got that empty office message, I nearly fell over. I ran and put some lipstick on and checked my hair in the mirror. Once there, however, it was hella awkward. I asked what I could do for him and he just laughed. We just kept looking at each other and laughing. I was the most nervous and blushing rather furiously at first but on looking back I have to say I went in there and actually tried to talk, while he invited me there and didn't really have a clue what he'd do if I came. We talked about job interviews. And a little about Saturday night. I said we'd crossed a line. He said nothing really happened and nothing would happen anyway. On my way out (I was running late with the job I was meant to be doing) I said, "So is that your final answer? Nothing can happen?" He looked surprised and said that 'Muffin had told him I wouldn't do anything. He asked me if I wanted something to happen. I said I didn't know and that I'd speak to him about it when I wasn't on the clock. But, once I got outside, I cracked and sent him a text. And then they just kept on coming until lunch time, when I had to sit opposite him in a room full of people, in torment.
C: ('Muffin's real name) has a high opinion of me x
H: And what exactly would you like to happen
C: Well I would simply like to get to know you better x
H: Is that in a 'get to know you better ;-)' kind of way
C: Well I would like you half naked and tied to an office chair really but I gotta start somewhere
H: Now that sounds like a plan
C: Haha, won't be able to look you in the face now x
H: I just want to know why I'm only half naked
C: Helps with balance x
H: The quiet ones are always the worst
C: I'll let you into a secret; I'm not really quiet, it's all a charade. You'll come to know this if you get to know me better ;) Have fun teaching x
H: Is that a 'get to know you' in a 'tied to an office chair' type of way
I'm totally freaking out about things with him now in a way I've never freaked out before. I hate that he knows how much I like him because I think that will be a major turn off. I just don't know what to do next. How do I get him to ask me out? Or should I just leave the ball in his court now? And, should I text him a 'good luck sexy' text in the morning for his job interview or not?
Sunday, November 05, 2006
More Chaste Less Speed
Fuck, I am still going over last night in my head. Got a text from him today saying hello and we've been texting each other flirty things. I reminded him he said he'd take me home and 'ruin' me last night and he was mortified. God, I love being the sober one. Crazy about tomorrow, not sure how to play it, am thinking I'll take my lead from him. If he ignores me I will curl up in a ball and die - a bit like a hedgehog on a motorway. If he flirts with me I'll drift off to heaven on a little cloud, but with a tight knot of butterflies in my stomach. Butterflies? I feel like I've swallowed an effing bowling ball.
Sweet Jesus I have got to get a grip. Just when I was getting a bit back to normal I get a taste of it and it sends me back into a spin! Well, I knew the night out would send me into one extreme or another. I suppose this is the better extreme.
I actually can't wait to go to work. He's doing wonders for my productivity.
Oh, did I mention Lila saw him kissing my neck? Might be a hard one to explain in work tomorrow. On the plus side, he had me pressed against a wall and I was laughing and then she saw me push him away, so I might be able to fob it off.
I kind of hope I haven't missed my chance to grab him; I was really very chaste last night.
Ahem.
Sweet Jesus I have got to get a grip. Just when I was getting a bit back to normal I get a taste of it and it sends me back into a spin! Well, I knew the night out would send me into one extreme or another. I suppose this is the better extreme.
I actually can't wait to go to work. He's doing wonders for my productivity.
Oh, did I mention Lila saw him kissing my neck? Might be a hard one to explain in work tomorrow. On the plus side, he had me pressed against a wall and I was laughing and then she saw me push him away, so I might be able to fob it off.
I kind of hope I haven't missed my chance to grab him; I was really very chaste last night.
Ahem.
Fireworks
Oh. My. Goodness. Too much to type, too much to tell! Can't function! It's after 4 am and I just got home from my night out with 'Muffin, Heidi, and Himself. I'm too hyper to sleep. I've been a very bad girl.
Photographs are coming soon, and I look DREADFUL in them. But I had a really fun night. We bumped into Lila in the club and had a bit of a dance with her too. I was really good and watched my booze intake because I didn't want a repeat performance. But in the end I was really tired and even drinking water was making me feel sick, so I thought: hometime. I left 'Muffin and Himself to it.
But omigod. Heidi told Himself I wanted to grope him, then he dragged me off for a dance and was like: "grope away." I nearly died. I couldn't even look him in the face while I was dancing with him - total bunny in the headlights syndrome. Then he went to the bar with 'Muffin and asked him if I liked him, and 'Muffin said yes. We changed location and I danced with Heidi for a bit, and then I started worrying that I'd made a huge fool of myself because Himself kept giving me these looks and dancing for me while I was just squirming. He sat next to me and was giving me the eye and I thought well I might aswell give up the ghost and said: "Oh, you're such a tease!" That was the icebreaker.
What an icebreaker it turned out to be. Major flirting for the rest of the night. He tried to kiss me on the stairs on the way out. He started to tell me what he wanted to do to me. He pulled me close to him and stroked my hair. I took hold of his hand as he walked me out, and he asked me why I was shaking! Well, duh! Then, texts, but I won't print them here because I'm sure you're fed up of the text message relay, I greatly apologise, but if I was sitting here with a girl friend, I'd force her to read them too. Since I'm continuing to bore you senseless with wafflings about Himself, I'll cut out the text reports as much as I can.
But oh fuck. I'm still a bit stunned. I thought he was totally uninterested and when I talked to him about it he was like, "Haven't you noticed me checking you out at work? You've got the best body I've ever seen."
Monday's going to be fun. For fun read scary.
Wow. Just: wow.
Photographs are coming soon, and I look DREADFUL in them. But I had a really fun night. We bumped into Lila in the club and had a bit of a dance with her too. I was really good and watched my booze intake because I didn't want a repeat performance. But in the end I was really tired and even drinking water was making me feel sick, so I thought: hometime. I left 'Muffin and Himself to it.
But omigod. Heidi told Himself I wanted to grope him, then he dragged me off for a dance and was like: "grope away." I nearly died. I couldn't even look him in the face while I was dancing with him - total bunny in the headlights syndrome. Then he went to the bar with 'Muffin and asked him if I liked him, and 'Muffin said yes. We changed location and I danced with Heidi for a bit, and then I started worrying that I'd made a huge fool of myself because Himself kept giving me these looks and dancing for me while I was just squirming. He sat next to me and was giving me the eye and I thought well I might aswell give up the ghost and said: "Oh, you're such a tease!" That was the icebreaker.
What an icebreaker it turned out to be. Major flirting for the rest of the night. He tried to kiss me on the stairs on the way out. He started to tell me what he wanted to do to me. He pulled me close to him and stroked my hair. I took hold of his hand as he walked me out, and he asked me why I was shaking! Well, duh! Then, texts, but I won't print them here because I'm sure you're fed up of the text message relay, I greatly apologise, but if I was sitting here with a girl friend, I'd force her to read them too. Since I'm continuing to bore you senseless with wafflings about Himself, I'll cut out the text reports as much as I can.
But oh fuck. I'm still a bit stunned. I thought he was totally uninterested and when I talked to him about it he was like, "Haven't you noticed me checking you out at work? You've got the best body I've ever seen."
Monday's going to be fun. For fun read scary.
Wow. Just: wow.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Russell Brand vs. The Sun
I wouldn't say I was Russell Brand's biggest fan but he really shone at Amnesty International's The Secret Policeman's Ball. He and The Mighty Boosh were by far the best acts I thought (and Eddie was there, so that's saying something!) I would've posted a clip of TMB's dramatic piece of theatre, "Pies", but I couldn't find one so here is Brand for you. Check out that hair! Hope he manages to make it fashionable, I could dispense with the straighteners then and look de rigeur first thing in the morning!
My admiration for this bit of stand up may also have something to do with the fact that I also fucking hate the sorry excuse for journalism that is The Sun. Justice for the 96.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Part Time Lover
In the morning, I'm going to be interviewed for my own job. Well, half my own job. I've applied to go part time. I am the only candidate. Yet I have to be interviewed. Boy, they just love to make things complicated for us at work.
Was tempted to wear my pencil skirt, but Himself isn't in in the mornings so trousers it is :P
The annoying thing is, even though I've been told that it's going to be really informal and unless I tell my boss to fuck off I'll get it (by my boss), I only found out today and I feel really underprepared. Which is why I'm off swotting interview techniques, picking out a smart outfit and practising my responses to the questions I think are coming and not listening to really loud music in my earphones and writing inane blog posts right now...
Saturday is fast approaching and I'm beginning to feel sick with nerves. I still need a bag and shoes, space on my camera, an instant tan, the right hairstyle, and for the temperature to go up to at least a few degrees above zero please. Goosebumps are not a good look.
I'm thinking the night is going to pretty much be a catastrophe. If I don't end up with mascara running down my face wishing for Boyf to come and rescue me then I will be very surprised. I can really see it's a disaster in the making and I've noone to blame but myself. I can't back out because of 'Muffin and I'm also morbidly curious about what will happen.
Today at work I spoke to him a little bit. He came and spoke to me and a couple of coworkers for a bit while we were revising shelves. He asked me how I was feeling since he knows I've been off sick and I looked dog rough. I accused him of burning down the Staff Room as on one of the days I was off sick he made toast and set the fire alarms off and the whole building was evacuated. He blamed another person who was also making toast for not watching his toast while he bought hot chocolate. I teased him about it for a while, then we were talking about Saturday. I showed him the picture of my niece's dress. Before I showed him I was like "Don't make me regret showing you this, it's my niece, don't be pervy!"
Himself: God, hasn't she got big boobs for a 17 year old!
'Muffin: Must run in the family mustn't it?
Chica: *two finger salute*
Himself: Well would you rather I say that about your niece or perv on yours?
Chica: I'm saying nothing.
I walked away. I could feel my face glowing. But apparently it didn't show and 'Muffin complimented me on the way I handled it; he said the way I walked away was great and I was very calm and blase about the whole thing. (This is why I love the boy.)
If I hadn't been turning a shade of lobster, I would've liked to have said something a bit more... leading. Something along the lines of "You don't strike me as a boob man..." and then went on to describe what I thought was his type - since I know in detail from 'Muffin. Surely my accuracy would have astounded him and he could immediately see that I was the girl he'd been searching for, the girl who knew exactly what he wanted?!
Gah. Believe it or not the crush is waning slightly but still there enough for me to blush furiously every time he speaks to me. Seriously, he must think I have a problem. We were talking about how difficult it is to chat someone up who you actually like too. I felt like I had a fucking big arrow over my head.
Was tempted to wear my pencil skirt, but Himself isn't in in the mornings so trousers it is :P
The annoying thing is, even though I've been told that it's going to be really informal and unless I tell my boss to fuck off I'll get it (by my boss), I only found out today and I feel really underprepared. Which is why I'm off swotting interview techniques, picking out a smart outfit and practising my responses to the questions I think are coming and not listening to really loud music in my earphones and writing inane blog posts right now...
Saturday is fast approaching and I'm beginning to feel sick with nerves. I still need a bag and shoes, space on my camera, an instant tan, the right hairstyle, and for the temperature to go up to at least a few degrees above zero please. Goosebumps are not a good look.
I'm thinking the night is going to pretty much be a catastrophe. If I don't end up with mascara running down my face wishing for Boyf to come and rescue me then I will be very surprised. I can really see it's a disaster in the making and I've noone to blame but myself. I can't back out because of 'Muffin and I'm also morbidly curious about what will happen.
Today at work I spoke to him a little bit. He came and spoke to me and a couple of coworkers for a bit while we were revising shelves. He asked me how I was feeling since he knows I've been off sick and I looked dog rough. I accused him of burning down the Staff Room as on one of the days I was off sick he made toast and set the fire alarms off and the whole building was evacuated. He blamed another person who was also making toast for not watching his toast while he bought hot chocolate. I teased him about it for a while, then we were talking about Saturday. I showed him the picture of my niece's dress. Before I showed him I was like "Don't make me regret showing you this, it's my niece, don't be pervy!"
Himself: God, hasn't she got big boobs for a 17 year old!
'Muffin: Must run in the family mustn't it?
Chica: *two finger salute*
Himself: Well would you rather I say that about your niece or perv on yours?
Chica: I'm saying nothing.
I walked away. I could feel my face glowing. But apparently it didn't show and 'Muffin complimented me on the way I handled it; he said the way I walked away was great and I was very calm and blase about the whole thing. (This is why I love the boy.)
If I hadn't been turning a shade of lobster, I would've liked to have said something a bit more... leading. Something along the lines of "You don't strike me as a boob man..." and then went on to describe what I thought was his type - since I know in detail from 'Muffin. Surely my accuracy would have astounded him and he could immediately see that I was the girl he'd been searching for, the girl who knew exactly what he wanted?!
Gah. Believe it or not the crush is waning slightly but still there enough for me to blush furiously every time he speaks to me. Seriously, he must think I have a problem. We were talking about how difficult it is to chat someone up who you actually like too. I felt like I had a fucking big arrow over my head.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Kennedy: Ich bin ein Berliner...
Translation: "I am a doughnut." (Apparently rather spurious but I still like it.)
Having been inspired by Wondy - and not for the first time! - I have uploaded some of my old Berlin pics to Flickr. Not that they'll actually give you much of an insight to the city, because they're mainly of us gurning at the camera like idiots and generally looking quite rough. We were burning the candle at both ends, staying out late and having to get up at ungodly hours in pitch dark to be dragged around on orientation trips by our tutors. It was a uni trip. I was nineteen. And looking at the pictures has made me feel all nostalgic and old. But glad that I'm not still looking quite so rough. Seriously, I know I'm pale but I don't usually look like I've just been dug up. Or at least I hope not...
You'll be glad to know we did lots of cultural things too and didn't just spend our time in American diners posing for dodgy photographs - it was an educational trip after all. We had an amazing time and I would love to go back. We stayed in Schoneberg in this completely bizarre hotel. It was luck of the draw whether you got bathroom facilities or not - some people had en suites, some people (me!) had to use the communal bathrooms and others had free-standing shower units in the middle of their rooms with glass sides, so that while one person showered, the others all had to avert their eyes. (Crazy Germans.)
We went to the dodgiest nightclub, Eden, and unbeknownst to us it was a singles night. We were all walking around with these big heart stickers with numbers on them like we were at a cattle market. Then, without much ado, a male stripper cleared the dance floor and tried to make some poor innocent girl lick cream off his todger. Funnily enough I'm not in a particular rush to go back there...
We spent a lot of time around Oranienburgerstrasse and took a trip to Wannsee, which sits rather disjointedly at the edge of a housing estate. And we really got into zipping about on the subway, visiting Checkpoint Charlie - dwarfed by big shopping centres on either side - and The New Jewish Museum, which was awesome. As well as the main exhibition, which celebrates two thousand years of Jewish history, the museum has a lower floor comprised of three different axis which cut through each other. The walls of the Axis of Exile are dotted with the names of cities around the world to which Jewish people fled the Nazi regime, whilst the Axis of Holocaust depicts the names of concentration camps.
The exhibition displays all sorts of personal objects, like tea sets, hand towels and letters, and tells you what happened to the people who owned or wrote them. It was a more human treatment of the subject and made you really see the people behind all the facts and figures you're told in class - like a personal history as well as a brutal historical event. The building also has three specifically designed spaces to represent their experiences and they try to make you interact with the history as well as observing it.
One of these spaces is called The Memory Void. Israeli artist Menashe Kadishman’s (born Tel Aviv 1932) Fallen Leaves is contained within the Memory Void. Faces which seem to shriek in horror or pain, cut from metal in different shapes and sizes, form a ghastly carpet across the void’s floor. You are encouraged to walk across the faces but when we went there was just the two of us and we couldn't bring ourselves to do it.
I'd wanted to visit there since I saw a news item about its opening and I was really pleased that I got to see it. I would've liked to have spent more time in the main exhibition than we did but we were kind of having to stick to the subject matter our project was on. But I'd recommend it to anyone because it's really powerful stuff.
Oh, and we met some nutters on the subway, too. There were these two punk kids who just shouted "Fuck you, fuck you," at us, until Rach shouted "Zwanzig Euros," back in her best German accent, and there was some barmy Irish guy ranting and raving and asking for money. He stood right among our group for ages swearing his head off and then finally got off at one of the stops. My friend breathed a huge sigh of relief and this really dignified German man leaned forward and said with a wicked smile, "A friend of yours?"
Meh, I really want to go back now. The Boyf would freakin' love it.
Having been inspired by Wondy - and not for the first time! - I have uploaded some of my old Berlin pics to Flickr. Not that they'll actually give you much of an insight to the city, because they're mainly of us gurning at the camera like idiots and generally looking quite rough. We were burning the candle at both ends, staying out late and having to get up at ungodly hours in pitch dark to be dragged around on orientation trips by our tutors. It was a uni trip. I was nineteen. And looking at the pictures has made me feel all nostalgic and old. But glad that I'm not still looking quite so rough. Seriously, I know I'm pale but I don't usually look like I've just been dug up. Or at least I hope not...
You'll be glad to know we did lots of cultural things too and didn't just spend our time in American diners posing for dodgy photographs - it was an educational trip after all. We had an amazing time and I would love to go back. We stayed in Schoneberg in this completely bizarre hotel. It was luck of the draw whether you got bathroom facilities or not - some people had en suites, some people (me!) had to use the communal bathrooms and others had free-standing shower units in the middle of their rooms with glass sides, so that while one person showered, the others all had to avert their eyes. (Crazy Germans.)
We went to the dodgiest nightclub, Eden, and unbeknownst to us it was a singles night. We were all walking around with these big heart stickers with numbers on them like we were at a cattle market. Then, without much ado, a male stripper cleared the dance floor and tried to make some poor innocent girl lick cream off his todger. Funnily enough I'm not in a particular rush to go back there...
We spent a lot of time around Oranienburgerstrasse and took a trip to Wannsee, which sits rather disjointedly at the edge of a housing estate. And we really got into zipping about on the subway, visiting Checkpoint Charlie - dwarfed by big shopping centres on either side - and The New Jewish Museum, which was awesome. As well as the main exhibition, which celebrates two thousand years of Jewish history, the museum has a lower floor comprised of three different axis which cut through each other. The walls of the Axis of Exile are dotted with the names of cities around the world to which Jewish people fled the Nazi regime, whilst the Axis of Holocaust depicts the names of concentration camps.
The exhibition displays all sorts of personal objects, like tea sets, hand towels and letters, and tells you what happened to the people who owned or wrote them. It was a more human treatment of the subject and made you really see the people behind all the facts and figures you're told in class - like a personal history as well as a brutal historical event. The building also has three specifically designed spaces to represent their experiences and they try to make you interact with the history as well as observing it.
One of these spaces is called The Memory Void. Israeli artist Menashe Kadishman’s (born Tel Aviv 1932) Fallen Leaves is contained within the Memory Void. Faces which seem to shriek in horror or pain, cut from metal in different shapes and sizes, form a ghastly carpet across the void’s floor. You are encouraged to walk across the faces but when we went there was just the two of us and we couldn't bring ourselves to do it.
I'd wanted to visit there since I saw a news item about its opening and I was really pleased that I got to see it. I would've liked to have spent more time in the main exhibition than we did but we were kind of having to stick to the subject matter our project was on. But I'd recommend it to anyone because it's really powerful stuff.
Oh, and we met some nutters on the subway, too. There were these two punk kids who just shouted "Fuck you, fuck you," at us, until Rach shouted "Zwanzig Euros," back in her best German accent, and there was some barmy Irish guy ranting and raving and asking for money. He stood right among our group for ages swearing his head off and then finally got off at one of the stops. My friend breathed a huge sigh of relief and this really dignified German man leaned forward and said with a wicked smile, "A friend of yours?"
Meh, I really want to go back now. The Boyf would freakin' love it.
"I've never even drank ethanol."
I'm trying to write something about The Royle Family. I watched The Queen of Sheba episode the other night and it was just brilliant. I can't praise the show enough as I absolutely love it and just think it's pure genius. I was trying to list the things I love about it but I sound so gushing and can't capture what's so wonderful about it anyway. It has to be seen to be appreciated. I'm a massive fan of Ricky Tomlinson because he's so talented, but also because he's so grounded. I love his humour and the way he can deliver a line. And I love the writing and the setting and the brilliantly realised characters. It's the antidote to most other sitcoms where too much happens and it's all a bit stagey and the plots become more and more ridiculous as time and seasons go by. It's almost entirely set in their front room and they just watch telly and talk about what they had for their tea and what's going on down The Feathers. I was disappointed there was no Darren in the special though as I think he's my favourite. I tried desperately not to cry while I was watching it, but let's face it I cried during Click (an Adam Sandler movie!) the other day so there was no hope for me during the scene when Nana is thanking Barb for looking after her. But it was of course hilarious and a real triumph. I hope Liz Smith is recognised for her performance in some way.
LOVE it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
