While Himself and I were exchanging the most mind-boggling combinations of contrite and contrary text messages regarding our regrettable fumble in the stairwell ("I want to fuck you everywhere" versus "I never want to cheat on Sarah, ever" coming at me in rapid succession, particularly confusing when I know he has cheated on Sarah, but he doesn't know I know, and I can't let him know I know without dropping a friend in it), I enlisted the advice of a) my sister, b) Guillermo, and c) 'Muffin, (MJ was MIA) to try and make sense of the complete and utter shambles of my romantic escapades. To encourage some sort of sensible debate, I would like to recreate a conversation I had with the 'Muffin about the possible motives behind Himself's behaviour. And, for all those of you pursing your lips and shaking your heads at me, yes, I do know my own behaviour of late leaves a lot to be desired, but this is my blog and I can be as wrong as I like!
Chica: My sister thinks he wants something to happen but he's scared.
Chica: She was telling me about her kiss, and she was all indignant going "He grabbed my bum!"
Chica: And I was like "Wait til you hear what fucking Himself grabbed!"
'Muffin: Has he still not copped a feel of your knockers???
Chica: Nope.
'Muffin: He must be gay.
Solved. Hey, maybe I could just pretend he's gay and Sarah is actually Stanley? It would make me feel a hell of a lot better, and explain all the shopping. Then I could grope him all I want; MJ allows me as many gay boyfriends as I like!
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