Je Reviens

Saturday, I went to see this.

I was pretty much expecting it to blow and went for nostalgic purposes, but it was decent enough and me and Dedalus had a laugh over it. Splinter's voice is just wrong. His accent is slurred: sensei had been at the sake. Not a patch on the old school films though, there weren't as many one-liners as I remember, and April had turned into some sort of Indiana Jones type figure. They left room for a sequel.

After the film, we went for milkshakes and Dedalus sprung that old chestnut: did I say anything stupid when we went out? on me about five times. Then he walked me to meet Boyf at La Tasca. Not weird in the least!

When I walked into the bar and saw Boyf waiting for me, I actually got this warm fuzzy feeling inside. I thought, damn, you're gorgeous. My boyfriend is seriously hot. I don't know how the fuck I scored him. We went for Mexican food and got drunk on a bottle of wine. Checked out the Everyman bar but weren't very impressed. Seem to remember him annoying me in the taxi on the way home by involving me in an argument about racism with the driver as if I was some sort of representative of all things politically correct. He thinks I'm naive because I disagree with him whenever he makes a generalisation.

Swings and roundabouts, eh?

Sunday we went for a bike ride in the park, which was lovely. Today, I am totally meant to be studying, but have spent the day looking for something to wear when I go out for my birthday next week. That's a whole 'nother can of worms.

I'm not thrilled about turning 25, but I much prefer it to the alternative of not turning 25.

Oh, also, I saw The Return, a movie which should be avoided at all costs. It was soooo slow, without any genuine shocks or surprises, and left me completely unmoved and uninterested. Okay, so I wasn't really expecting anything wonderful when I sat down to watch it, but even I enjoyed House of Wax. I will say one thing though; I really love Sarah Michelle Gellar's hair colour in it.

Although, judging from this picture it looks like blondes do have more fun.

Before the Law

Had a couple of busy days re: Dedalus. We met up to see a movie on Thursday (Hot Fuzz) and had milkshakes and fries at the diner. It was nice. The movie was funny, but criminally underutilised Bill Bailey. Both of him.

Incidentally, on the way home from town, my bus was pulled over by a siren-flashing police vehicle, and a male officer got on the bus. He started walking slowly to the back; everyone just sort of fell out of conversation and stared, waiting for someone to make a run for it or some scuffle to occur. He looked at the guy sitting adjacent to me and said, "Can we have a chat with you, mate?" The guy said, "Yeah, okay," accompanied him ever so amenably off the bus, and was promptly arrested. I have to admit that there was a moment where I wondered if he was actually going to turn out to be a male stripper, and make someones birthday. But we all know how my mind works by now.

"Tickets, please."

Talking of movies, you remember the whole number 23 debacle? Well, Dedalus has since worked out that both his long term relationships lasted 23 months. And he split up with girl #1 on the 20th of March. And girl #2 on the 13th of October. Spooky shit!

So, yesterday - the second day, of the third month might I add - we got our glad rags on and hit the town for drinks, to celebrate Dedalus' new job, which he starts on Monday. The night started off well, I wore my new shoes (which hurt like I can't even think what might hurt as much, some medieval torture device perhaps, or improperly operated eyelash curlers), and he was on top form, in a comedic sense. However, by the time we left Modo's, the night had taken a different turn. (There was a weird moment on the way to Modo's actually where he slowed down and sort of leaned in, but I was like, "Keep walking, dude, keep walking.") We went to Mybug's bar - he's really cute in his uniform - for a quick one and then stepped outside to deliberate where to go next. It was raining really heavily so I took off my coat and used it to shelter my hair and he ducked under it too and started trying to kiss me.

I was not having it. Anyway, eventually, I untangled myself from the situation and we went to Tea Factory, at which point I realised that I'd lost one of my beloved hoop earrings and had been walking around with only one in like a scurvy buccaneer (my eye makeup was probably looking a bit Jack Sparrow by this point too.) I am so upset. Switched to drinking water and stumbled through a chat about how much we have in common and how we don't even have to try we both just get on so well. I suggested that was a good foundation for a friendship and didn't necessarily mean anything more should happen. He said he wanted more and he'd been really nervous about meeting me that night. I said he was feeling like this because of girl #2. He said no, it had always been me.

Bars were closing and this seemed like a good time to make a sharp exit in any case. Before we parted ways, he asked if he could see me again over the weekend and I said we'd sort something out, but I do think a spot of space is called for.

I'm shocked he is doing this when not only does he know about Boyf, he knows (a little) about Alfie. Or maybe that is why he's doing this... maybe he thinks I am looking for something else... Aw, crap.

Amy Rocks the House

OMG, Amy Winehouse was AMAZING! I went to see her at the Liverpool Academy last night. The beehive was bigger than I've ever seen it, which was good because it meant more of her was visible to me, being a short arse (or three and a half apples tall, according to 'Muffin's measurements. Have to admit he has a good eye, guessing my vital stats in one, so I'll defer to his superior knowledge.) I had the usual problem of viewing the gig between the bobbing heads and various haircuts of those in front of me, and spending half the night on tippy toe. But it was plain to see from even my vantage point that Amy is getting Olsen Twin skinny. She has the tiniest little waist ever, and her arms are starting to look a bit Nicole Richie. Size Zero can not support all that hair, Amy, s'all I'm saying.

Anyway, the whole set was brilliant. She has the coolest and most enthusiastic backing singers in the whole wide world. I want to go again right now; I'd go just to see them. Her voice was amazing. She incorporated a bit of Lauryn Hill's Doo Wap (That Thing) into the show, and finished with The Zutons' Valerie. Girl knows her audience. I properly love her. Seriously: it's up there with Take That.

Her support act was rather good as well; Lila tried to get tickets just to see them. Check them out here: Mr Hudson and the Library.

After the gig, Boyf wanted to go to the bar where Mybug works ('cos if I've been somewhere he hasn't he sulks about it.) So off we toddled. I spotted him behind the bar but town was booming and he was really busy so I didn't say hi straight away. He looked kinda handsome.

"This is my church." - Faithless

We ordered some drinks and pinched a 'reserved' booth. A gang of girls joined us. Boyf is pretty trashed already at this point, since he has been drinking three times faster than me. He was trying to order some more beverages when Mybug walked past. I called out to him and he smiled, said "All right girl!" and dived on top of me. Girls looked bemused. He asked what we wanted and I introduced him to the Boyf. He brought us some drinks over - I was drinking £6 cosmopolitans! - and refused to take the cash for them. Then when Boyf went the loo he leaned over the bar for a little chat and a kiss. No tongues!

Had a giggle over Boyf asking the toilet attendant if he had any "Muscular."

Attendant: No... I've got some "Masculine."
Boyf: Oh... *realising that's what he'd meant* Nah, I'll leave it.

I realise that's a total location joke, but oh, how we laughed!

Taxi home, portion of chips, bed. Pure class, eh?!

Hurting All Over

Well, today I woke up to my first hangover of the year! It took me about ten minutes to get drunk on a bottle of Pinot Grigio last night. The Boyf and I finally hit the town, I wore my green silk dress, and there was dancing. I had a little bit of a freak out in the bar Alfie and I kicked off our date two months ago in, cos that was the last time I was there. But I figure the more I go there with other people, the more stuff I'll accumulate in the way of that memory, if you get what I mean. Luckily, I got away with it under the 'oh no Chica's drunk again' licence to ramble meaninglessly. Moving on, I swear, just with a few minor hiccups thrown in every now and then. It takes me for ever to get over loss. I hate losing touch with friends too, even if it's clear the friendship is sort of floundering. I will always give people another chance because if I don't a big annoying WHAT IF? follows me around. But sometimes I think it would be better if I could just draw a line and cut people off; I have friends that can do this, they've fallen out with other friends for one reason or another and they don't even consider forgiveness. Black and white living must be much simpler than this greyness.

Anyhoo. We blew £100, but we haven't been out for a long time so I guess that's okay, even though I'm spending a lot lately and he's meant to be watching the pennies. I ordered some music the other day, Ella Fitzgerald, Dinah Washington, and Billie Holiday Best Ofs. And we all know I'm going to buy those shoes. They would have looked great with my outfit last night. Plus I keep buying things for my new and improved bedroom. I feel a trip to Ikea coming on.

I had a blood test on Friday. Now, I don't know if you are familiar with my history with needles, but it ain't a happy one. Yay for me, I didn't pass out. I'm kind of antsy to know the results already though and it's going to take at least a week to ten days before I'll know anything. Fingers crossed, although I'm not sure what outcome to hope for. If they don't find anything, I don't know what to do next, and with my doctor, you have to know what to do next because they're not big on the diagnosing of stuff. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Nightmare Before Christmas

As you are probably aware, since it's all I've rambled on about for the last several hundred posts, yesterday was the Christmas party. There are some pics up on Flickr, but more to follow on Monday after I've swapped with 'Muffin. Wondy - the cravat trend continues!

Well. Well, well. Where do I fucking start?

I'll skip all the introduction. Most people have probably experienced the office party and know all about how crap they generally are until people are hammered and start copping off in broom cupboards etc. Imagine the first two hours of your own office party and then situate it in a trendy club. The usual suspects leave early. The quiet girl gets drunk really quickly and dances ludicrously but enthusiastically. There is small talk, and that one person who can't resist talking about work. We all compliment each others' outfits. Blah de blah. Let's get to Alfie.

I noticed him as soon as I walked in, but me and 'Muffin stayed at the other end of the bar. He came over, kissed me on the cheek and was instantly flirtatious. I ignored it and talked to Lila. I mingled for a bit with other people but Alfie kept coming over. He told me I looked nice and stroked my hair in front of Jojo. I teased him about the cravat and he said it was an extra layer for me to take off later. He told me I looked very elegant. I pointed out the shoes. He said, "I noticed. I'll let you leave them on." When I was dancing with the girls he came over and was trying to feel my arse. I moved and danced next to Ozzie.

Later in the night we commandeered one of the booths. Alfie was flitting here there and everywhere, since as he told me, he knows everyone. He brought his friend Alex over and reintroduced us. He started asking me to go back to his place. I told him it wasn't going to happen. He was like, "You're blowing me out? You only get one chance. I don't respond well to that." Then he started telling me what he wanted to do to me. I told him a man can dream. He said, "Oh no, you can't play hard to get with me." This was all in stolen snatches of conversation because at this point I was still trying to be discreet.

I danced with the girls a lot and Alfie joined us a few times. At one point we were kind of tucked into a corner and he told me that he really enjoyed last week, but felt shit afterwards because of the Boyf. I agreed and said I could do something about that though. He asked me what I could do, but I realised what a stupid thing that was to say and just laughed. He had his arm around me and his hand on my arse as we were talking to people. Lila came over and asked me what was going on with us. She's witnessed stuff before so I just laid my cards out on the table and told her that yeah I liked him but he just wanted a shag and that wasn't going to happen. She said she thought he liked me and wasn't only after a shag. I said, well I have a boyfriend anyway. Alfie came over and asked me to follow him. I leaned over and told 'Muffin I was disappearing for a bit and followed Alfie to the VIP area. We had a dance and he sang really badly in my ear. He was on at me to go back to his again, saying we could leave now and he'd call me a taxi at four. I just shook my head at him and kept dancing, then his mate called him to get him in so I was saved by the bell.

When I rejoined the table, loads of people had left. I sat with Lila until she lit up a cigar and set off the fire alarm. Surprisingly, nothing happened and eventually it went off. Alfie came back and wanted to know why I wouldn't leave with him. I told him I wasn't that sort of girl and that I was worth the wait, as he should know. He said how was he meant to know and he'd waited long enough and then he walked off! I must've looked like I'd been smacked in the face because 'Muffin came over and asked me if I was okay. I went and sat back with Lila and considered ringing Boyf and going home there and then. 'Muffin asked me not to go and I got up and danced with him and his mate for a bit. Then I felt a hand on my arm and Alfie pulled me away from them and into a queue. He smuggled me and his mate downstairs into another VIP (VVIP I guess?) room and his mate bought me a drink. I tried to chat to his mate for a bit. He seems a lot more down to earth than Alfie and we struck up a bit of banter.

Alfie dragged us off to a seated area and then played out all his cool shit, generally posing and being annoying. He bugged me about going back to his some more and I told him I couldn't get away with it again. He said this was the perfect and last opportunity. I asked him what he meant by that. He was like, it's the Christmas party, when else have you got such a good excuse? (Yeah, I can see he feels really bad about Boyf!) I said, what do you want? He gave me the sexy look. "One night stand?" I asked. He said, "No. And besides, this is the second night." I asked him what he wants again and he said, "You know I don't want a big long term relationship. I want some fun." Then Lila landed in the seat next to me and I gave her a hug and said, "Save me!"

Alfie started trying to kiss me and I pulled away. "What's that about?" he asked. (For those wondering, the lip is back to normal but I still wasn't going to kiss the guy on the mouth so soon.) I leaned in and kissed his neck and slipped my hand inside his shirt. Then I pulled away and when I turned around Lila and Alex were watching us. I noticed the sash on my dress was undone and asked Lila to tie it. As she was doing it, Alfie slipped his hand right down the back of my dress and pushed his fingers under the top of my underwear. I wriggled away and Lila was laughing.

It quickly became apparent that Lila was utterly wrecked. I took her to the toilets and she was in there for about twenty minutes. When we resurfaced, Alfie was at the bar and I went and danced with him for a bit. He slipped his hand down the back of my dress a little again and said, "Aren't you wearing a bra?" Then started saying how I would be naked later except for the shoes. When I disagreed he tried to negotiate for the shoes and the underwear. He was asking if I'd chosen my underwear especially for him and I said no and just shook my head at him. I could tell he was getting annoyed because I wasn't giving him the reaction he wanted, but he was making me feel really cheap and there was no way I was going to go home with him no matter how much I like him.

I was starting to worry about Lila and Alex was moving in on her. I told her it was time to go home but she wasn't having any of it. Eventually I got her to sit down and she started texting her mates so I thought she was okay. I noticed Alfie talking to some girl as I was trying to sort Lila out. When I'd got her settled, he'd stopped so I went over and stood with him and his mate. His mate started chatting about Alfie, bigging him up, and Alfie was like, "I can hear every word!" Then the girl started talking to him again so I danced with the mate for a bit. His mate was like "Let's groove!" I liked him, he was really funny. I leaned over to check on Lila and the mate said to me, "It's okay he hasn't gone far, I'm not going to try anything." I told him I was worried about Lila and he told me not to. I noticed the girl had hold of Alfie's phone. His mate said to me, "Go and get a grip of your fella and tell him to stop being such a dickhead," I told him he wasn't my fella. He said, "I know but he came here with you tonight and now he's flirting with some girl right in front of your face. The disrespect! How disrespectful is that?" I was like, shit. Alfie is always talking to girls when we are out because he has a lot of female friends and I didn't want to presume anything about him talking to this girl. But when his mate said that to me I felt like a complete fool. "Where are you from?" he asked me, and I told him. "Bloody hell," he said, "You're from there and you're letting him get away with that?! How have you survived?" I thought about telling him I had a boyfriend so I could hardly talk, but instead I said: "You're right, I'm leaving." His mate panicked and told me not to leave because of what he'd said. I told him I had to take Lila home.

I went to check on Lila and she was semi-conscious and the contents of her handbag were on the floor. I picked up all her stuff, pulled the hair back from her face and told her I was taking her home. I rang the Boyf and asked him to come get us. It was three thirty and the club was closing. Alfie was still talking to the girl, calling her "Hell's Bells" (she was called Helen which is his best mates name and he calls her that), who looked like one of the blonde Bratz can I just add, and I was trying to fasten Lila's shoes. (Okay yes I am fucking jealous, I readily admit it, but I think I had good reason!) I think they must have asked Alfie to go somewhere and he said no, he was with some girls from work and he gestured towards us. One of the girls really bitchily said, "Oh yeah, they look like nice girls," in this sarcastic, catty tone. I glanced up and gave them a dirty look. At this point I was losing my rag. Alfie had been an arse all night, I was left looking after Lila while he moved on to some tramp, and even his mates were practically telling me to get some self respect. The girls laughed and walked off and the bar staff were ushering everyone out. I stood up and shouted, "Your mate is a fucking bitch!" (I kind of slipped on the whole channeling Elizabeth Bennet at this point, but how great would it be if she'd said that in P&P?!) Alfie looked really shocked. I got Lila standing up but she fell back down and pulled me with her. Alfie said he'd get her and propped her up. He asked me what was up and I think I may have told him to fuck off, either that or just by my face he could tell I was pissed off because I heard him go: "Whoa!"

We got outside and we were both holding Lila up. He was asking me if I was okay and I told him I was fine. He asked me why I was being weird and I told him I wasn't being weird. He said I was obviously being weird with him and I said, "Why, cos I'm not kissing your arse?" He was like, fucking hell. He asked Alex to take Lila home and I put my foot down and said no. He said he'd go with them (where that left me I don't know) but I told him it was okay, to just wait with us for ten minutes and Boyf would take us home. He sneered, "Boyf to the rescue is it?"

The wait outside is a little bit jumbled because I was angry and Lila was being difficult. I remember telling Alex to leave her alone. I said I was freezing and pressed myself into Lila, who I was still holding upright. Alfie pressed himself against me and kissed my shoulder. Alex wanted to leave and was asking Alfie why they were staying. I told him he was being a gentleman. Alfie said, "Chica's boyfriend is coming to get them." I can't remember how it came about but Alfie was saying something about Boyf and I said, "Why, are you jealous?" and he thought about it for a second, looked right at me and said, "Yes." I told him he didn't have to be. He said, but you're going home with him and not me. Somehow, I told him I didn't want to end up with nothing. He said he couldn't promise me anything and that he'd said from the beginning that he didn't want a long term girlfriend. I said I knew that, but I was worth more than just a shag. (This is while we are holding Lila up between us by the arms!) He said he knew that and he'd said that from the beginning to me too. I told him he had never said anything like that to me. He made a noise like he was frustrated. His mate started causing trouble so he went to sort that out. Boyf arrived and pulled up down the street. I carefully led Lila to the car, grabbing Alfie's arm on the way and telling him we were leaving. Lila tried to get in the car from the wrong side. I managed to lever her in and thanked the Boyf for coming to get us.

During the drive to Lila's, I held her hand and tried to keep her talking. She seemed a little better and was thanking Boyf for taking her home. I told her he did this every night of the week. I was so glad to see him. Alfie text me to say that he had Lila's mobile phone. When we got to her house, I took her inside. When I was pulling her out of the car, she bit into my arm. Then I had to stand with her outside her house while she repeatedly apologised and hugged me. She couldn't put the key in the door. I got her a glass of water and put it next to her bed. I left her a note telling her that Alfie had her phone. I had to stop her wandering out into the hall.

When I got home, I had messages from Alfie. I apologised if I was weird. He said I was weird towards the end of the night but nevermind. I text back: I see your non-committal message and raise you an Alfie shrug, because he had been shrugging at me every time I rejected him and when I told him it was his loss. In the end I couldn't be bothered replying to his messages and just went to sleep.

Another huge post, sorry! I should post these in installments...

Anyway, this morning he text me asking how I was and everything. I rehashed things with 'Muffin whose conclusion is as follows:

Chica: if Alfie asks what was wrong again I'm gonna tell him he made me feel cheap
'Muffin: if he makes u feel like that why do you want him
'Muffin: he should be treating you like a princess
'Muffin: I'd give my bloody book collection away for a girl like u!

What happens next is anyones guess. But I'm thinking it should involve kicking and kerbs.

Love Fool

We met for drinks. He was waiting for me outside the bar when I arrived. I was five minutes late. Or eight minutes, according to him. He tapped his watch as I approached him. I laughed and kissed him on the cheek. We went inside and I bought him a sangria for making him wait, but then he wouldn't let me pay for anything else. (Points!) I went totally prepared to go Dutch though.

So. We chatted for a bit and it was going pretty well. He told me about his new job, and the lack of hotties. His best friend called him, and he talked about me. He told him that he'd have to go because he was with a hot lady who was checking him out and he was being rude. He asked me where I was 'officially'. I told him my (as it turned out, rubbish) cover story. I asked him where he was officially. He said, here. I asked who with. He said, "you... or, 'a girl I used to work with'."

We moved on to a bar of his choice - his usual haunt. There was a queue outside. He walked to the front and we got straight in. A girl started to complain in the queue. The bouncer told her we were members. He knows everyone there. It sounds so school-girlish, but I felt kind of good that he took me there as his date so openly. We had a drink at the bar and then he got us a table and a bottle of wine, to usher in a new depth of drunkenness. And, correspondingly, flirtation. And a lot of giggling.

At midnight we went downstairs into the club. We had a few dances and a few more drinks. Then my sister text me asking if I still wanted a lift. I text her back and told her I'd get a taxi since it was getting late. Alfie took the phone from me and sent her a message saying he'd look after me and put me in a taxi. My sister sent him some funny messages telling him to take care of me cos I'm extra special and to watch his hands. And telling him that he was a PLAYER. She referred to him as bro.

Then Alfie asked me back to his place. I said no. He said nothing would happen, we'd just have kisses. I said no. He said he'd call me a taxi from his house. I said I needed to go home. We left the club and started walking towards his place, trying to flag down a taxi. We walked together arm in arm, laughing and talking. It was easy. I paid for a taxi to his and he invited me inside. We stumbled in (I'm really drunk at this stage) through the door and up the stairs to his bedroom in the attic. He put on the Paolo Nutini CD and unbuttoned his shirt.

We had some kisses and rolled around on his bed for a bit. We whispered things to each other. I teased him. He did a lot of hair pulling, which was weird. Then I said I'd better go. He pointed out that it was half past five in the morning. He asked me to stay until seven and he'd drive me home. He pulled me close to him and put his arms around me. We fell asleep.

I woke up with a start at about eight fifteen. My first thought? Oh, shit. I hid my head under the covers for a second. Then I jumped up, checked my phone. 25 missed calls. 5 text messages. 3 voicemails.

Alfie took me home.

Should not have gone back to his place.

Fireworks

Oh. My. Goodness. Too much to type, too much to tell! Can't function! It's after 4 am and I just got home from my night out with 'Muffin, Heidi, and Himself. I'm too hyper to sleep. I've been a very bad girl.

Photographs are coming soon, and I look DREADFUL in them. But I had a really fun night. We bumped into Lila in the club and had a bit of a dance with her too. I was really good and watched my booze intake because I didn't want a repeat performance. But in the end I was really tired and even drinking water was making me feel sick, so I thought: hometime. I left 'Muffin and Himself to it.

But omigod. Heidi told Himself I wanted to grope him, then he dragged me off for a dance and was like: "grope away." I nearly died. I couldn't even look him in the face while I was dancing with him - total bunny in the headlights syndrome. Then he went to the bar with 'Muffin and asked him if I liked him, and 'Muffin said yes. We changed location and I danced with Heidi for a bit, and then I started worrying that I'd made a huge fool of myself because Himself kept giving me these looks and dancing for me while I was just squirming. He sat next to me and was giving me the eye and I thought well I might aswell give up the ghost and said: "Oh, you're such a tease!" That was the icebreaker.

What an icebreaker it turned out to be. Major flirting for the rest of the night. He tried to kiss me on the stairs on the way out. He started to tell me what he wanted to do to me. He pulled me close to him and stroked my hair. I took hold of his hand as he walked me out, and he asked me why I was shaking! Well, duh! Then, texts, but I won't print them here because I'm sure you're fed up of the text message relay, I greatly apologise, but if I was sitting here with a girl friend, I'd force her to read them too. Since I'm continuing to bore you senseless with wafflings about Himself, I'll cut out the text reports as much as I can.

But oh fuck. I'm still a bit stunned. I thought he was totally uninterested and when I talked to him about it he was like, "Haven't you noticed me checking you out at work? You've got the best body I've ever seen."

Monday's going to be fun. For fun read scary.

Wow. Just: wow.

Saturday Night Excess

Oh My Lord. I was horrendously drunk last night. I was so drunk I couldn't get my own boots off and collapsed into bed wearing one of them. Boyf dragged me up and into the bathroom, where I lay and cried with my head in a bucket, throwing up. MJ undressed me and put me into my pyjamas. I tried to protest, "I'm not wearing a bra," but he said he wouldn't look and sent the Boyf out of the room which I thought was rather matronly of him :P The pyjamas he put on me were a pair I'd put to one side to throw out because they had big tears in the back like I'd been swiped at by a breed of large feline. He clipped my hair back in a random fashion and, when I was ready, led me slowly back to bed, walking in front of me, my arms around his waist.

I was wasted, completely trashed. And I wouldn't mind but I hadn't even drank that much. I must have had about six drinks, although I did mix them, and I have never ever been so drunk before in my life. I know it's regarded as rather a rite of passage, but I've never actually been sick before after a night out. And if I start feeling drunk, I usually slow right down or switch to water because I HATE feeling drunk and looking that unattractive.

I didn't realise I was that drunk until the last half-drink I managed, a Reef in the Fab Cafe. I thought I was merely happy. I had been laughing like a lunatic all night and dancing like one too. The source of such merriment? Himself. I sent him a text message. Before a drink had passed my lips. I'm still rather delirious about it.

At around ten to eight my Uncle Yank sent me a joke that reminded me of Himself, and so I spontaneously forwarded it on to him and signed it with my name and a kiss!

Then I did a funny little dance and got nervous about whether I should've sent it or not.

In the car on the way into town, I got a reply: Chica (my surname)? X

Chica: (surname's) the one. Mate just sent me that joke and I thought of you! Have a good night! x

It could have ended there right? I'm friendly but I give him an out at the end with the general tone of finality.

Himself: Thanks. That theme has been my topic of the week. Gonna go Mosquito again tonight. No surprise there. Are you staying in with the hubby tonight?

C: Nope I am off out to town. Might meet up with Heidi later and go cruising for boys. Where would the Mozzie be without you! Have fun! x

Again with the finality, right? He could just leave it there perfectly politely. But...

H: Excellent. (surname) is on the town. Who you out with? You should come to Moz so you can report back to 'Muffin.

(!)

C: I'm not sure. Maybe next week. I'm not in my Mozzie best! Rocking the skinny jeans tonight. Wouldn't want to scare the poor lamb, think it's best if he goes in blind! x

H: Cool. Well it would be nice to see you around my way tonight. Skinny jeans will be ok. Just get in touch if you fancy it. If not, hope you have a lovely night x

First of all, how lovely is he? I'm practically orgasmic at this point. Second of all, he uses predictive text. And thirdly, oh fuck. I'm on a night out with the Boyf and I've been invited to a club by the guy whose pants I've been trying to get into for the last two or three weeks. What would Jesus do?

I proceeded to get swiftly drunk and text everyone I knew about whether to go to Mosquito or not. In the end, Boyf suggested going because my texting was rather indiscreet (drunk, remember?) so I had to tell him that we had been invited to Mosquito by a workmate. But the first time we passed it there was a queue outside. Boyf does not do queues to get in places, ever. I was secretly glad but sick with excitement at the same time. After a drink in Mathew Street, we decided to head back to the other side of town, and when we passed Mosquito, Boyf tried his luck at the door. Apparently, you needed tickets. Boyf dropped Himself's name and the woman on the door looked kind of impressed and said: "He's already gone down." Boyf wanted me to ring him to get us in (he could've, he's well connected) but I thought that would be WAY too weird and suggested meeting Heidi at the Fab Cafe instead.

I failed to meet Heidi because she went home early but we continued to text each other until I was too drunk to read them. I'm still drunk now. I reserve the right to deny all this in a few hours time. Enjoy it while you can!

In a word: Eek!

Gone in 60 Seconds

So, Friday was great. I wore the red shoes. We didn't go to Newz because I couldn't walk in them, so hobbled in the general direction of Italian food and Spanish booze instead. Was made to run across the road in said stilettos = hilarity for all passers by. Had my coat pinched and later returned in the tapas bar. Ate yummy food, met nice Czech lady, got squiffy. All in all, a good night. And I got ready in six minutes - surely a record? (I was terrified of getting locked in at work by security!)

Spent the rest of the weekend starting preparations for the next French trip, which starts on Thursday. I can't frickin' wait. Haven't actually begun to pack yet though. Hmmm...

Ooh, also, gave in to retail therapy urges in phenomenal style and spent about £150 at Topshop and Miss Selfridge online. So now, after my holiday, I will come back to pretty things as well as old Troutface. Hurrah! New clothes take the pain away. The Haul includes:

- A smart black 'bib front' tee

- Pair of smart black hipster trousers

- One ribbed oversize beanie hat in navy

- White poplin puff sleeve shirt

- A cream scoop neck tee with a funky blackbird pattern

- Headscarf with a geometric design

- A tomato coloured 'trapeze' dress with pocket detailing

- Long white skinny vest

- One rhinestone buckled Alice band!

Pretty good work for a Bank Holiday weekend huh? I heart armchair shopping! After my shopping blitz, Boyf and I hunkered down in our gorgeous bed, indulged in a rather nice Cabernet Sauvignon and watched King Kong on DVD. Bliss!

2 sleeps and I'm outta here.

Newz from Nowhere

So, the plan for tonight is to head over to the Newz Bar for a quick drink while deciding where to eat. We will probably pop into the tapas bar at some point for some sangria, but apart from that we've made no real plans and are just gonna see where the night takes us. I was looking forward to starting it all off with a drink in Newz, because I've heard good things from friends and it's not too far from where I work so I could make Friday cocktails a more regular thing, a bit like Champagne Thursdays.

Then I visited their website. Try not to hurl while you read this:

"Are you a "CAT" - Cool - Amazing & Trendy?
If you are, you belong @ Newz Bar
(AKA)
"The Bar For The Beautiful People"

Dressed to impress, the ladies are kitted out in the latest fashions and could be mistaken for one of the models from a Catwalk Show. The men are just as good, donning well cut suits with shirts and ties to match or the latest trendy gear that has just arrived in men's Boutiques.
So, if you want a fabulous night out in a bar that is dressed as well as you are, Newz Bar is the place for you. The bar staff and door attendands are even dressed to impress so that you feel you are in the right place."

Cool? Amazing? Trendy? Brain of your own? Well, this room is cold enough to give me goosebumps, I'm pretty amazed that I didn't kill anyone (yet) this week and I'm wearing a shirt I bought over a year ago right now, so make of that what you will. If I was a cat, I'd probably be a wizened old alley cat rather than a pampered moggy in a diamond studded collar and matching Lexus. I'm just hoping that, like with most hype, this is all a load of trash. I really don't want to spend time in a place where I feel like I'm a huge disappointment to the doormen.

Ugh. I hope it's not as pretentious as it sounds.

A Kings Ransom

The Olive Press was last night the scene of unrestrained debauchery. It pains and humiliates me to confess something that will provoke disgust and outrage in you, gentle reader. Last night, after entering the restaurant and tottering down a small flight of stairs in my very high heels, we were told we had to wait for our table so headed to the bar, where we ordered a pint and a double Baileys... the pint cost £3.50, which is a rip off but we are prepared to deal with that as it's the norm to be ripped off in most places we go. But the Baileys... the Baileys... oh the Horror! NINE POUNDS!!! Have you seen how little liquid you get in a double Baileys? The glass is most definitely half empty! Moreover, for NINE POUNDS (FOR A DRINK!!) you can almost buy a bottle of the stuff. Let me just put this into sharper context. Before 7 o'clock in said restaurant, they do a £10 meal deal, which offers 2 courses and a glass of wine! There was a group of women next to us when we handed over our hard earned cash with faces agog, who sympathetically advised: "you'd better enjoy that drink!" "Fucking hell," Boyf complained, "Let me have a taste!" The rest of the night is a complete blank. I have never quite recovered!

That'll be £95 and your first born son please.

Oh okay, it's not a complete blank, but seriously that totally put me off the place and I didn't enjoy the rest of the experience at all, even though it was quite decent. I didn't like the food I ordered, but thems the brakes sometimes, the starter was scrummy, and it was nice to go someplace new. I won't be going back though, that's for sure!

We had a 9:30 table so we hit the Tapas bar before we traipsed over to The Money... I mean Olive Press, and had some yummy sangria. The bar was packed and we had a good laugh trying to fit as many Elvis related words and sayings into our conversations - childish but effective, just add alcohol. Sample Quote: "Can you hold this for me please? ...Thank you very much." We forgot to take a watch so kept having to ask people the time or try and spy a look at their wrists. We were next to a group of Cockneys, and when one of them laughed it honestly sounded like he was sobbing his heart out. They told us they'd been waiting for a table since Tuesday. Better to wait than pay NINE POUNDS FOR ONE DRINK I say! Sorry, I'll get over it when I get a job with a bigger salary, company car, and perhaps twelve underlings. Can I just say we used to think the Tapas bar was expensive and the round there costs half the price than the one at Satan's Rip-Off Dump? Like the Murphy's, I'm not bitter. I think I'm traumatised. I'll probably have to drink solely in Wetherspoons (cheapy cheapy cheap cheap - and, according to the website, award winning loos!) for a bit until I recover.

Don't step on my blue suede shoes, bitch!

Anyway, after leaving The Restaurant That Shall Not Be Named, we hovered in the doorway for a bit deciding whether to get soaked in the rain or try and hail a cab. A passing cab, it's orange light answering our dilemma, wrapped up all such discussion and we got in. Then regretted it. Taxi man just rabbited on at us for the entire journey, and after hearing with satisfactory revulsion our tale of the £9 Baileys, suggested that I frequent an area well known for prostitution to earn the money back. When Boyf protested, taxi man argued that I didn't even know what that meant. I must look innocent or something. All in all, a bit of a mixed bag as nights out go.

Oh, and also, when we passed Havana, everyone was standing around the TV watching X Factor :P So I just about know that Journey South made it through as they were on when we passed. Because of my week in France I missed out on a bit of X Factor and haven't really kept up with it as I should have, but I'd like to say how gutted I am that little Trevor and James didn't get through. Trevor made me cry when he said that he thought he'd just be stacking shelves for the rest of his life. The poor mite is only 16. On a more worrying note, I think Chico is actually starting to grow on me (like a fungus?) At least he doesn't come on singing boring ballads every week. I just wish he'd stop telling everyone it was "Chico time!"

You know, in the olden days, they used to Press people to death with big stones for committing certain crimes... don't think there were any Olives involved though. And very little Baileys.

Food Glorious Food

Do you ever feel like you're living for the weekends? My round ups are getting to be a ritual. Here goes:

I had the coolest dreams Saturday night. In one, I travelled back in time and was working as a slavery abolitionist in the US, but I knew everything that was going to happen in the future. In another, I was furtively snogging Dermot O'Leary in like the corner of a marquee or something (we had white fabric draped over us)! There was a less cool one where it was a couple of days before Christmas and I hadn't done any shopping, I was running out to try and catch a shop to buy my littlest niece a present. Do these weird and wacky dreams have anything to do with the fact that I watched Labyrinth before sleeping I wonder?

Friday night I enjoyed the most splendiforously decadent meal with Boyf. We normally never bother with starters or dessert because a main is usually enough for me, but we thought what the hey, lets treat ourselves. For starters, I had this really yummy asparagus dish with crushed new potatoes and sour cream. Boyf had mushroom and leek soup. Then for the main course I had honeyed duck breast with noodles and stir fried vegetables. My verdict? OTT on the honey. Boyf had fillet steak, it was very well cooked. For pudding, I opted for the Banoffee Pie with cream, which was like heaven on a plate and I was gutted that I couldn't finish it all. Boyf had ice cream, the bore. We washed it down with a half bottle of red, which was really nice too but I can't remember what it was beyond a Cabernet Sauvignon. I think it may have been Chilean? Yeah, I've really just took the shine off the turkey sandwich and chocolate brownie I just had for lunch. The feast was pricier than we normally allow, so thank God my offer of going Dutch was ignored! Brownie points for Boyf: *****

Saturday I did some work on my dissertation and checked out X Factor. It was the first show so it's still in the national humiliation stage. You gots to have guts to go on them there shows. On Sunday we went back over to the park to check out the Godfest they were having. Got there just in time to hear a big sermon about how we don't deserve to be saved but we can be if we accept Jesus into our lives. You all know where Jesus was on Sunday right? Yep, a park in Liverpool. Hope he comes back next weekend or he'll miss the Beatles festival; it's much better. Voices with Soul, who were on X Factor last year, came on just before we left and were talking about how they'd changed the words of songs so they didn't have to say the Devil's words (oh okay they didn't put it quite like that), so they murdered Lady Marmalade: "I'm not going to sleep with anyone unless Jesus is in my bed!" Huh? I liked them when they were on the show too. Shame. Anyway the annoying preacher bloke on before them was waffling about Manchester United and mentioned an unmentionable rag of a newspaper. Lesson no.1 - know your audience. He also came out with a ludicrous analogy in which Wayne Rooney was God. No. Really. Anyway I wasn't converted, more alarmed.

Over and out.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks

A Happy Birthday to Dedalus. And a very Happy Monday to me since I booked the day off work, ostensibly to get some study done, which is what I actually plan to do right after this. See my halo?

So I've had such a great weekend people! Friday we watched the whole Big Brother finale hoopla. I kind of felt sorry for Makosi for a nanosecond, then I saw her interviewed by the yummy Dermot O'Leary on Sunday and realised that she was still walking around with that big old ego. Referring to yourself in the third person is always a telltale sign that you have somehow become lodged up your own arse. But we opened a bottle of champagne to celebrate something I can't talk about yet in case I jinx it. More later.

Saturday we got our gladrags on and headed out for some tapas. I didn't really enjoy what I ordered but it was still a great atmosphere in there and we had such a good night. I felt the happiest I have felt in a long long time. And it was nothing to do with the sangria! I wore my new red silk top and it fits me really nicely, with jeans and killer heels. They killed, but not as much as the first time I wore them, when they caused me pain while I was sitting down watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! They're very high. I'm nearly as tall as the Boyf in them. The world looks different up there.

Just as an aside, what do we think of Skinny Jeans? I'm contemplating buying a pair since my favourite jeans don't really go with my Western boots. I've seen some bad ones though that put me off, I don't like the spray on look, or the type that look stretched over the crotch area. I think I'll need to track down the perfect pair - I was thinking of going shopping today but I don't think I have the energy for such a mission, writing my dissertation, and getting ready for work tomorrow. Stoopid responsibilities.

So on Sunday, which I've been told by a reliable source is gay day at IKEA, we went bed shopping. We bought bed accessories including a duvet set and bolsters first, then realised the bed we wanted (pictured) wouldn't fit in the car. Then we realised it may not even fit into the space we're buying it for, so drove home, had a conflab (read: discussion), decided to risk it and went straight back to IKEA in the Tranny. That's a Transit van by the way, not a Transvestite. We got our little list printed out at the info desk and then wandered around trying to find all the different bits and bobs that make up the bed. It was very busy, IKEA is obviously the place to be on a Sunday. I think it's the hot dogs. Anyway, glory be, we paid for the bed, brought it home and set it up to make sure it had all the right screws and bolts and things. I'm in love with it. I told ya'll I'm all about Bed these days. While preparing for our day of Home shopping, I also came across this gorgeous fridge that I could never ever afford.

Last night, after many recommendations, I watched Lost, and I have to admit I did get into it by the end. It did cause me to have rather strange dreams last night about giant polar bears infesting our back garden and chasing us out of the house though.

Last week at work was a bit rubbish as they had us doing all kinds of odd jobs like moving furniture, sorting through files, and cleaning. Midweek kind of dragged; one day I thought I'd reached lunch and it was only my ten thirty break. I have to learn to stop counting the hours. Worryingly, the weird bloke who asked Weezer out asked me my name. That's his modus operandi. The cheek of it if he does ask me out, sloppy seconds, I don't think so! Lila told me about some sleazy stalker type that bugged her for ages, when he asked her out and she pretended to have a boyfriend, he replied "So, I have a girlfriend, this does not matter! We don't have to tell them." Some people just can't take no for an answer I guess! On the plus side, if the way I felt on Saturday is in part a by product of the work I'm doing, it's totally worth it.

Proclaimed on the front of a church on my way to work: 'The Bible - the world's best seller, come and meet the author each Sunday!!'

My Night with George Clooney...

There are so many things I should be doing instead of this right now. But I just have to update you on the little trip to Edinburgh I took with Guillermo this week. I was very kindly invited by him to go to the Murrayfield Live 8 concert, which he won tickets to, and after a frantic search for rooms and trains and the like (we only organised it all the day before) we were on our way. It was well bizarre since I'd just got back from France, hadn't even unpacked everything and it all happened very quickly.

So, the gig itself was amazing, it was a great atmosphere and just spectacular to stand there listening to Bob Geldof and Bono. George Clooney and Susan Sarandon made an appearance, and Eddie Izzard played piano for Midge Ure's rendition of Vienna! Lenny Henry was actually funny. And James Brown provided the finale.

There was so much I can't blog it all, but a few highlights for me were:

- Davina McCall and Chris Evans leading the crowd in a round of 3-second click, like the campaign ads.
- 70-odd year old James Brown dancing with Will Young.
- Annie Lennox.
- Eddie Izzard, I love him.
- Phoning my boyfriend during Wet Wet Wet. Total 'fromage'.
- Did I mention George Clooney was there?
- One Giant Leap with Maxi Jazz, Will Young and Neneh Cherry.
- The Proclaimers kicking it all off. Very popular in Edinburgh as you can imagine.
- Geoffrey Oryema blowing kisses to the crowd.
- Neneh Cherry and Youssou N'Dour performing 7 seconds.

So, the next day we heard about the awful goings on in London and saw some stuff on the news. Some of the reports were a bit sketchy at that point. Very scary. I don't like talking about serious things on here too much, but obviously thoughts and prayers are going out to those who have suffered. My family were all really worried in case anything happened in Edinburgh too.

When we got to Liverpool, we had a quick drink in Queens Square while Guillermo waited for his next train. After seeing him off, I went and met the boyfriend in Wetherspoons, still carrying a big fuckoff rucksack that had been weighing me down and giving me achey shoulders. He gave me a massive hug and said he'd been really worried. He and his best mate had got talking to these two blokes in the pub. One of them seemed all right and left pretty early, and as soon as he did the other bloke started going on about religion and tried to convert us, talking about Catholics as antichrists and lots of stupid things about Muslims. I shouted at him for a bit until my boyfriend called time on the conversation and led us to safety. He'd been going on about how he'd been a preacher and brought thousands to Jesus. He'd also impregnated many women as a milkman and had kids littered about the place, and claimed he was the true founder of The Blob Shop but couldn't prove it. Hello? Psycho much?

Anyway, we went to Modo's after that and then Jacaranda. The boys were now sozzled and I was swiftly joining them. I remember using the phrase 'honest to God' in a heart to heart with boyf's mate a lot, and repeating myself all the time. At this point there was a woman bouncing off the walls down the street getting kicked out of every pub, screaming, and collapsing on the floor. I prudently decided to switch to lemonade. When we eventually got the boyfriend into a taxi he kept trying to get the driver to stop at our local. He has no memory of anything from this point on, including phonecalls he made, getting home, and warmly greeting our current arch enemy Judas in the street. Doh.

Friday we nursed hangovers and watched the Big Brother eviction. I can't believe Maxwell went as I was loving watching the whole group dynamic with Craig and Anthony. Craig is just hilarious. And I also thought Davina was a bit too harsh and concentrated on a lot of negative stuff? He had good points too and was really good with people when they were upset I thought. And I hate that the silly girls got their way cos they're doing my head in. Not that I'm taking it seriously or anything :P

I'd better get some stuff done.

My brain and my speech look drunker than I really am

Ah the weekend, dontcha just love 'em? Saturday night was so much fun! Our original plans were to go to the Sports Bar and watch the football, but my boyfriend had been a bit too liberal with pouring the old booze down his gullet the night before and woke up with the words "My kidneys hurt," on his lips. (I hadn't even been kicking him that hard.) He didn't even drink that much, ladies and gentlemen, as he explained himself before I sent him off to bed: "My brain and my speech look drunker than I really am." Watching football sans-alcohol seemed a bit pointless, if not against male law, so we went out for dinner instead.

We hit the tapas bar first and I had some yummy sangria, then we went for our meal and had a really funny waiter asking us if we were going 'on the razzle-dazzle'. The poor love was working a 13-hour shift. He had a cool haircut. Boyfriend also flicked tomato all over himself and the waitress suggested a bib next time. We were onto the red wine by this point, getting swiftly merry.

Onto Modo and the Office, then Baa Baa where we were outrageously ripped off. £3 a Reef! What! If you get there before 9 o'clock it's £2 for a bottle and a shot. It was five past :( Then we headed to the Tea Factory. Lots of people in fab outfits everywhere, I can't help it, it's what I notice most. Some people were in less fab outfits but most of these were either on hen nights or looking like they'd come adrift from one. The two girls in matching short tartan skirts and black tops, I'm talking to you :P oh okay, about you. I didn't look too clever myself when my stiletto got stuck in a crack in the pavement in Bold Street and I walked straight out of it. Boyf thought this rather more funny than it actually was, but it's a good job he was there as it required super-human strength to get it back out again.

All in all, we didn't dance much due to lack of other people dancing, but it was a good gossipy night and we put the world to rights. Boyfriend talks rather too loudly when he's drunk though, as in these gems: "Let's move, they stink," "Why do we always get the weirdos?" and "She's not even nice looking," when I said the waitress was pretty. This also prompted accusations of lesbianism and suggestions that I was up for a threesome. Men are so predictable.

I should be so lucky...

So... Saturday night. Let me cast your minds back. Of chief importance to any successful night out for me lies in the outfit. Occasionally, you can throw an outfit together in five minutes and look fab. These are days to treasure and revere. However, sometimes hours, even days of planning are required, particularly if you have bought something new that nothing in your wardrobe matches. This is how I came to discard everything I tried on until I noticed something, something shiny that caught my eye, something good, something that made me repeat the word something in an irritating fashion and not in a good way like the Beatles song. The Kylie dress! I bought this dress maybe two years ago and never had the guts to wear it. But I decided it's time had come, and so I put it on. There's a picture of it below, or there should be if my technology curse is taking a nap. It's not the actual thing of course, I doubt Kylie paid £45 for hers in Topshop! Unfortunately, Justin Timberlake never turned up to grope my behind, but you can't have everything eh?

We had a pretty good night all in all. We attempted to have a drink outside in Concert Square and this turned out to be a mistake; we shivered under something that purported to be a heat lamp while chattering our teeth. But it was a good vantage point for people watching, as we like to do. Also, it was my friend David's birthday recently, and my sister's too, so we had a few drinks on their behalf :)

Apart from that, Guillermo Silverknife, the most impressively named of all my mates, has come into the blogging fold. Link to follow after permission is granted. Or not, depending on the answer I guess.