The Face of Things to Come

Here's some advice that made me feel a little better about my situation with Alfie:

Life is all about goodbyes, and the trick is to learn how to say goodbye with the most amount of grace. It is easier to say goodbye and let go of the people we love the most, because we know we loved them and that they loved us. It's more difficult to say goodbye to new relationships because we need to be around those people as the relationships aren't as well established.

I'm paraphrasing, but the source of these words of wisdom? He's on the left.



Dirk Benedict, currently starring in Celebrity Big Brother. Who needs Oprah?

Peace in the Valleys

Shocked as I am to report it, Big Brother's Welsh beauty Imogen actually managed to really entertain me yesterday. Between her cringeworthy "hot topics" radio jingle, which signalled a generous round of embarrassed body language among the other housemates, and her request for wine in the diary room, I think she enjoyed her most scintillating air time since the show began a hundred and thirty weeks ago.

"One bottle of wine," she scoffed, as if to say what's the problem? "Two pound fifty in Co-op."

Big Brother has really started to bore me since I missed a big chunk in the middle. And this new returning housemates thing seems to be in a bit of a shambles. What is it all for? It was quite interesting watching the ex-housemates talk about all the footage they've watched since leaving, as you never usually get to find out what they think about each other once they've left. And although I can see why uber bitch Grace was voted back in, I can't help wanting to slap her smug face for being so cocky about it.

It's not anywhere near as good a catchphrase as "I like blinking I do," but I wonder if Imogen's solitary moment of accidental humour will make it into Dawn French's fabulous Catherine Zeta Jones sketch?

Who's that Girl?

That moment, for my fellow BB obsessive and Nikki fan Wondy! You'll find more classic Nikki-isms below.

Nikki is the caring, sharing type... I hear everybody needs good neighbours.

There's something rotten in the State of Susie, Nikki stages a coup!

Further evidence that Nikki is in fact the love child of Jimmy Krankie and Vanessa Feltz (if only such a union were possible!)

Overload

You know you've watched too much Big Brother when:

- you recall a conversation you had at work, but try to remember which housemate said it

- 'babes' becomes a catchphrase not only amongst your group of friends, but is used indiscriminately, with your bus driver, shop assistants, and the odd traffic warden

- you have a disturbing sex dream about Glyn

- you can remember the names of the blandest of housemates; Vanessa, Steph, or Amma anyone?

- during a fight with your boyfriend, you accuse him of being in it to win it and playing up to the cameras (he's not even Pete's real friend, he just knows he'll be popular on the outside!)

- you demand the use of at least three beds, and force all new comers to sleep on the floor

- you tear up an old gold lame number that's been rotting in your wardrobe since the eighties, festoon your loo seat with it and start ranting about how you're living in a house full of fake people every time you spend a penny. I take it as read we all have leather-clad bathroom walls yeah?

- when walking down the street, you suddenly start shouting "real people!" and screaming in the faces of passers by

- instead of popping down to the local Asda, Tesco, or what have you, you don an heinous amount of neon and lycra, dance very poorly on the lounge rug, then sit back and wait for the shopping to be delivered. When it doesn't arrive, you speculate about how 'they' are trying to turn you against each other, and that kicking up any sort of fuss would be playing right into their hands

By the by, I don't like all this secret house next door business. It's gone down like a lead balloon with me. Although Jonathon's "nice" when he left to a definite lack of fanfare was pretty funny. Poor old Jonathon, and mean old Big B!

Symphony in Yellow

So. Friday I had a half day booked at work, and rode off into the distance with Studmuffin for an afternoon of sexual experimentation. Or at least that's the rumour we've fuelled by leaving together at half twelve :P I did a bit of shopping in town, purchasing 3 stripey tops and a few bits and bobs, and getting my euros for our holiday!! Boyf met me, and caused me to get blisters on my feet rushing about from prospective meeting point to prospective meeting point while he tried to park the car, eating into my valuable shopping time, the swine! He also bought himself a striped jumper from River Island, then had a crisis when he saw somebody who "looked gay" wearing it. It's lovely so I reassured him that it was indeed very manly, and not the slightest bit effeminate. Though it is yellow. And MJ would so wear it.

Then we scurried off to have pizza, but were too late for the legendary pizza buffet lunch. This is a £3.99 all-you-can-eat wonder that allows numerous trips to the yummy salad bar. Every year before Christmas me and my sisters used to take our mum shopping and we'd have pizza buffet for lunch. Because we're such classy birds! Not the Ritz for us!

The evening brought a Big Brother eviction with a twist - the new neighbours. I am cautiously backing fellow scouser Jennie. Until she, you know, makes a tit of herself and I am forced to disown her. What the eff was Aisleyne wearing???!

Oh, and I've resurrected my Last FM account, hence the new button in the sidebar - I had a George Michael period last November it seems!

Bedknobs and Broomsticks

A Happy Birthday to Dedalus. And a very Happy Monday to me since I booked the day off work, ostensibly to get some study done, which is what I actually plan to do right after this. See my halo?

So I've had such a great weekend people! Friday we watched the whole Big Brother finale hoopla. I kind of felt sorry for Makosi for a nanosecond, then I saw her interviewed by the yummy Dermot O'Leary on Sunday and realised that she was still walking around with that big old ego. Referring to yourself in the third person is always a telltale sign that you have somehow become lodged up your own arse. But we opened a bottle of champagne to celebrate something I can't talk about yet in case I jinx it. More later.

Saturday we got our gladrags on and headed out for some tapas. I didn't really enjoy what I ordered but it was still a great atmosphere in there and we had such a good night. I felt the happiest I have felt in a long long time. And it was nothing to do with the sangria! I wore my new red silk top and it fits me really nicely, with jeans and killer heels. They killed, but not as much as the first time I wore them, when they caused me pain while I was sitting down watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! They're very high. I'm nearly as tall as the Boyf in them. The world looks different up there.

Just as an aside, what do we think of Skinny Jeans? I'm contemplating buying a pair since my favourite jeans don't really go with my Western boots. I've seen some bad ones though that put me off, I don't like the spray on look, or the type that look stretched over the crotch area. I think I'll need to track down the perfect pair - I was thinking of going shopping today but I don't think I have the energy for such a mission, writing my dissertation, and getting ready for work tomorrow. Stoopid responsibilities.

So on Sunday, which I've been told by a reliable source is gay day at IKEA, we went bed shopping. We bought bed accessories including a duvet set and bolsters first, then realised the bed we wanted (pictured) wouldn't fit in the car. Then we realised it may not even fit into the space we're buying it for, so drove home, had a conflab (read: discussion), decided to risk it and went straight back to IKEA in the Tranny. That's a Transit van by the way, not a Transvestite. We got our little list printed out at the info desk and then wandered around trying to find all the different bits and bobs that make up the bed. It was very busy, IKEA is obviously the place to be on a Sunday. I think it's the hot dogs. Anyway, glory be, we paid for the bed, brought it home and set it up to make sure it had all the right screws and bolts and things. I'm in love with it. I told ya'll I'm all about Bed these days. While preparing for our day of Home shopping, I also came across this gorgeous fridge that I could never ever afford.

Last night, after many recommendations, I watched Lost, and I have to admit I did get into it by the end. It did cause me to have rather strange dreams last night about giant polar bears infesting our back garden and chasing us out of the house though.

Last week at work was a bit rubbish as they had us doing all kinds of odd jobs like moving furniture, sorting through files, and cleaning. Midweek kind of dragged; one day I thought I'd reached lunch and it was only my ten thirty break. I have to learn to stop counting the hours. Worryingly, the weird bloke who asked Weezer out asked me my name. That's his modus operandi. The cheek of it if he does ask me out, sloppy seconds, I don't think so! Lila told me about some sleazy stalker type that bugged her for ages, when he asked her out and she pretended to have a boyfriend, he replied "So, I have a girlfriend, this does not matter! We don't have to tell them." Some people just can't take no for an answer I guess! On the plus side, if the way I felt on Saturday is in part a by product of the work I'm doing, it's totally worth it.

Proclaimed on the front of a church on my way to work: 'The Bible - the world's best seller, come and meet the author each Sunday!!'

Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash...

Another beautiful summers day - I came to work in my pink coat carrying an umbrella! What happened to July up North? Anyway. I've just had a rubbish lunch cos I couldn't be bothered making anything yummy last night. I think I'm gonna start treating myself to lunch out once a week, when I get used to having money! It's very strange. I ordered some tops off Warehouse this week and when they arrived I went and looked at some more, but it just felt wrong to buy more, even though I could afford it, I was like, no, surely not!

There's this bloke at work today (and yesterday, come to think) that I haven't met yet and he's such a funky looking geezer. I think I'll call him Gizmo, in honour of his hairdo. He works in a different area to me so I haven't had much occasion to talk to him yet. But I'm quite impressed so far (she said, tentatively) with the calibre of people I get to work with. Most of them seem really friendly, despite the odd weirdo (eg Toes.) Some of the office gossip is also starting to creep out. It's really interesting hearing it while you're still an outsider. I always form my own opinions and take people as I find them, but sometimes it's surprising to find out about certain vendettas and grudges you wouldn't have guessed at.

Had to wait around a bit this morning because the day started late for one reason and another, so I went blog surfing and found some very entertaining reads. I'd link to them but I don't know the etiquette, is it rude to link to peoples blogs without asking? Anyway they kept me sane this morning. Now I know the true value of a good blog.

Went for tea last night at the pub. The staff at the bar there aren't allowed to take tips anymore, how odd! I hope they got a pay rise or something to compensate, as I remember relying on tips to beef out my paypacket when I was waitressing. Also watched Big Brother - Craig needs to get a grip (and not of Anthony for a change!) He was quite violent with him I thought? A restraining order may be necessary there. It was all a bit reminiscent of Misery.
My break is almost over so I just want to shout out to Guillermo, who is applying for a really cool job. Good luck!

Foot in Mouth Disease*

On my way home from work today I bumped into a girl I was friends with once upon a time but haven't spoken to for ages. She recently had a baby and had lots of complications and problems afterwards because the people who dealt with her at the hospital were morons. Anyway, we're really only on 'Hello' terms now because it's been so long since we had a conversation. But I asked her how she was and she showed me her baby - I'm rubbish with babies, I was just like "Aw...... isn't he lovely." (Think Hugh Grant in About A Boy - love that film!) Then I made a bit of a faux pas. She was like, "What about you, are you going to have any of these soon?" And I went, "Nah, don't wish that on me!"

Tactless, moi?

*The heading of this post would probably turn 'Foot Man' on quite a lot. One of the young guys who is helping with the stock move at work heard about my encounter with Foot Man, so today he was just like "Ooh, your feet are looking good!" Really I think I should've been told about Foot Man and someone I shall refer to only as Trump before I applied for the job.

Had an interesting conversation with Jojo and Weezer about what cosmetic surgery we'd have if new painless procedures were invented overnight and money wasn't an issue. It's funny because some people have complexes about things that nobody else would notice, like Jojo wanted to have her ears pinned back but she has totally normal sized ears. I was let loose on the phones today and at lunch I snuck out of the Staff Room to indulge my sickening new habit. Yes, now that I am working full time I can afford to fund my recently developed addiction - chocolate and vanilla cupcakes.

Yesterday I went for tea at JR's with the boyfriend after work but today it was the horrible ride home on the bus and now I'm exhausted. My only plans for later involve washing my hair, making my sandwiches, and watching Big Brother. My favourite line last week came from Craig who was having a hissy fit after Anthony had asked him to remove his hand from his upper thigh: "I put my hand there AS A FRIEND!" Classic.

My Night with George Clooney...

There are so many things I should be doing instead of this right now. But I just have to update you on the little trip to Edinburgh I took with Guillermo this week. I was very kindly invited by him to go to the Murrayfield Live 8 concert, which he won tickets to, and after a frantic search for rooms and trains and the like (we only organised it all the day before) we were on our way. It was well bizarre since I'd just got back from France, hadn't even unpacked everything and it all happened very quickly.

So, the gig itself was amazing, it was a great atmosphere and just spectacular to stand there listening to Bob Geldof and Bono. George Clooney and Susan Sarandon made an appearance, and Eddie Izzard played piano for Midge Ure's rendition of Vienna! Lenny Henry was actually funny. And James Brown provided the finale.

There was so much I can't blog it all, but a few highlights for me were:

- Davina McCall and Chris Evans leading the crowd in a round of 3-second click, like the campaign ads.
- 70-odd year old James Brown dancing with Will Young.
- Annie Lennox.
- Eddie Izzard, I love him.
- Phoning my boyfriend during Wet Wet Wet. Total 'fromage'.
- Did I mention George Clooney was there?
- One Giant Leap with Maxi Jazz, Will Young and Neneh Cherry.
- The Proclaimers kicking it all off. Very popular in Edinburgh as you can imagine.
- Geoffrey Oryema blowing kisses to the crowd.
- Neneh Cherry and Youssou N'Dour performing 7 seconds.

So, the next day we heard about the awful goings on in London and saw some stuff on the news. Some of the reports were a bit sketchy at that point. Very scary. I don't like talking about serious things on here too much, but obviously thoughts and prayers are going out to those who have suffered. My family were all really worried in case anything happened in Edinburgh too.

When we got to Liverpool, we had a quick drink in Queens Square while Guillermo waited for his next train. After seeing him off, I went and met the boyfriend in Wetherspoons, still carrying a big fuckoff rucksack that had been weighing me down and giving me achey shoulders. He gave me a massive hug and said he'd been really worried. He and his best mate had got talking to these two blokes in the pub. One of them seemed all right and left pretty early, and as soon as he did the other bloke started going on about religion and tried to convert us, talking about Catholics as antichrists and lots of stupid things about Muslims. I shouted at him for a bit until my boyfriend called time on the conversation and led us to safety. He'd been going on about how he'd been a preacher and brought thousands to Jesus. He'd also impregnated many women as a milkman and had kids littered about the place, and claimed he was the true founder of The Blob Shop but couldn't prove it. Hello? Psycho much?

Anyway, we went to Modo's after that and then Jacaranda. The boys were now sozzled and I was swiftly joining them. I remember using the phrase 'honest to God' in a heart to heart with boyf's mate a lot, and repeating myself all the time. At this point there was a woman bouncing off the walls down the street getting kicked out of every pub, screaming, and collapsing on the floor. I prudently decided to switch to lemonade. When we eventually got the boyfriend into a taxi he kept trying to get the driver to stop at our local. He has no memory of anything from this point on, including phonecalls he made, getting home, and warmly greeting our current arch enemy Judas in the street. Doh.

Friday we nursed hangovers and watched the Big Brother eviction. I can't believe Maxwell went as I was loving watching the whole group dynamic with Craig and Anthony. Craig is just hilarious. And I also thought Davina was a bit too harsh and concentrated on a lot of negative stuff? He had good points too and was really good with people when they were upset I thought. And I hate that the silly girls got their way cos they're doing my head in. Not that I'm taking it seriously or anything :P

I'd better get some stuff done.

Everyone I have ever slept with...

As if! Who do you think I am, Tracey Emin?

Even though it happened ages ago and I haven’t even been to see it yet, while I’m on the topic I just have to big up her sculpture near Liverpool’s Anglican Cathedral, cos it’s not like you see a little bird sitting on top of a pole every facking day! Gawd. She’s mad, I like her. And, it could have been worse.

So, last night we had a Big Brother party. We made lots of yummy food, drank wine, and prepared for jaw-dropping vulgarity. We weren't disappointed. The most normal person in there is a self-described black, gay, fox-hunting Tory, with a deep love of Margaret Thatcher! But that's judging from their auditions. The way to pass a Big Brother audition it seems, is to be as OTT as possible, and I reckon most of them will settle down once they're in there. For those of you not in the least bit interested in Big Brother, I apologise. It's my summer obsession.

I got feedback from my tutor today about some work I sent him, and now I really have to get down to business. This feels really weird, since normally at this time of year I've just got all my work out of the way and am looking forward to summer. Boooo, I say.