My brain and my speech look drunker than I really am

Ah the weekend, dontcha just love 'em? Saturday night was so much fun! Our original plans were to go to the Sports Bar and watch the football, but my boyfriend had been a bit too liberal with pouring the old booze down his gullet the night before and woke up with the words "My kidneys hurt," on his lips. (I hadn't even been kicking him that hard.) He didn't even drink that much, ladies and gentlemen, as he explained himself before I sent him off to bed: "My brain and my speech look drunker than I really am." Watching football sans-alcohol seemed a bit pointless, if not against male law, so we went out for dinner instead.

We hit the tapas bar first and I had some yummy sangria, then we went for our meal and had a really funny waiter asking us if we were going 'on the razzle-dazzle'. The poor love was working a 13-hour shift. He had a cool haircut. Boyfriend also flicked tomato all over himself and the waitress suggested a bib next time. We were onto the red wine by this point, getting swiftly merry.

Onto Modo and the Office, then Baa Baa where we were outrageously ripped off. £3 a Reef! What! If you get there before 9 o'clock it's £2 for a bottle and a shot. It was five past :( Then we headed to the Tea Factory. Lots of people in fab outfits everywhere, I can't help it, it's what I notice most. Some people were in less fab outfits but most of these were either on hen nights or looking like they'd come adrift from one. The two girls in matching short tartan skirts and black tops, I'm talking to you :P oh okay, about you. I didn't look too clever myself when my stiletto got stuck in a crack in the pavement in Bold Street and I walked straight out of it. Boyf thought this rather more funny than it actually was, but it's a good job he was there as it required super-human strength to get it back out again.

All in all, we didn't dance much due to lack of other people dancing, but it was a good gossipy night and we put the world to rights. Boyfriend talks rather too loudly when he's drunk though, as in these gems: "Let's move, they stink," "Why do we always get the weirdos?" and "She's not even nice looking," when I said the waitress was pretty. This also prompted accusations of lesbianism and suggestions that I was up for a threesome. Men are so predictable.