Want a Man? Get a Dog

Quick update on some of the other, non-Alfie men in my life:

Boyf believes Bertie loves me more than him and is jealous. This is because Bertie cries for me any time I go upstairs, take a shower, or am otherwise engaged, and the only way Boyf could get him to stop was by wrapping him up in a pair of my pyjamas. That's devotion for you.

Bertie has not barked yet, except for in his sleep, when he let out a series of baby yaps followed by an unconvincing growl and twitching paws. He also still makes a sucking noise as if he is feeding from his mum in his sleep. Too adorable.

'Muffin and I have had conflicting schedules over the past couple of weeks and have not had a decent gossip in ages! Is gloating over his swanky new mobile phone and counselling me on the wisdom (like what I did there?) of forwarding my soon-to-be new number on to Alfie.

MJ turned 25 and rather than shagging everything, went home early with his darling boyfriend, Spanky, and admitted he was happy to do so. I'm so proud.

Dedalus and I have not seen each other since the night we went out, despite many invitations and protestations on his part. Accused me of being cold and gets cross if I don't text him back quickly enough. We are in very weird territory indeed.

Have been texting Mybug on and off. Told him he looked good in his uniform, he replied: You'd look good in many uniforms. He called me up for a chat on Monday 'because there was nothing on the telly.' Mentioned seeing me and Dedalus out that Friday, said Dedalus was 'giving him daggers' and 'staring him out'. Also said I looked really drunk. Cheers, love.

Guillermo (sort of in my life?) is now a fully fledged grown up and is buying a flat! What what!

My lovely Dad is 52 today! Ordered him a special edition DVD of The Producers but it has not yet arrived. I predict that he will celebrate tonight by watching the Comic Relief does Fame Academy final. He loves him some reality shows.

Latest text from Yank: Good looks catch the eyes but good personality catches hearts. You're blessed with both! FLATTERED? Don't be, it was sent to me, I just wanted you to read it!

Elephunk

Last night, I was up really late at my computer because I couldn't sleep (combination of Alfie and the fact that I not only resemble the Elephant Man, but could be the sister who makes it seem like he got all the looks.) It was about twenty to one and my phone started to vibrate. I had a message. For some reason, I thought it might be Alfie and started to get all heart-poundy and nervous, but when my slow phone finally loaded the message it was from Mr. Mybug, who recently renewed contact.

Now. I'm not meaning to sound like I've been hanging around Alfie too long and have developed some of his cocky streak, but in the texts from Mybug you can kind of tell he likes me, in a way that is absent from Alfie's texts. In one he says I am "damn cute" and admits he's been asking after me in the library, and he invited me out for a drink. Now, Mybug knows I have a boyfriend. And he doesn't know that I'm a big ol' ho. So I didn't really know what to do with that and just kept my texts back to him light and jokey, friendly but not flirty (completely ignored the damn cute and offered a vague response to the drink question... which are both tactics Alfie uses with me!)

At about half two I went to bed and tried to surrender myself to sleep. I received my last text from Mybug at 2:49. He was teasing me about how I'd be the old one drinking sherry if I went out on a student night. He must be about 20 by now I think. He's a bar manager.

The weird thing about the sudden interest from Mybug and Dedalus is; I had totally moved on. The other week I had a clear out in my bedroom and I threw away an old cinema stub I'd had pinned to my notice board that was from the last movie Dedalus and I saw, then he emailed. And I threw out the little drawing Mybug did for me too, then I find another one in my in tray at work. Maybe I should delete all of Alfie's messages and drop the whole thing and see what happens. Even if he disappoints me, at least I'll have done something constructive and escape this ambivalence! (She says as she checks her work email from home for the fifth time this morning...)

Men are from Mars

It's difficult to write a post today. I had a bit of a nasty weekend really but I don't feel like talking about it here. Suffice to say that I could do with an Alfie hug. Although why I derive comfort from the man I don't know.

Saturday I saw the Bond movie with Dedalus. He walked me to the bus stop afterwards. He and Alfie both started their new jobs today.

For a brief moment, the nastiness of the weekend brought the Boyf and I closer, but we're back to bickering now. Oh what fun relationships are. I can see why Alfie is sick of them sometimes.

But, some random and mystifying news for you. Remember Mybug? Well, this morning I went into work and there was a note in my in tray. It had a yellow post-it attached to it, decorated with question marks. Then note was folded and also decorated with question marks. When I opened it, there was a sketch of a little man, my name in all different colours, and the words: guess who? call me when you figure it out.

Now. I'm pretty sure it's Mybug's writing. Not to mention his own inimitable style. But I sent him a text and he didn't reply. And furthermore, he has my number, why not just call me?

What's more - why are all these men crawling out of the woodwork, except for the one I actually want?

As Bart Simpson would say: Aye Caramba!

Boys Boys Boys

So, it's Friday and I've had the whole day off and done nothing. I was going to go Christmas shopping but then realised that Boyf was in possession of my cash card. A spot of clever planning for you there.

But it was still rather a strange and oddly productive day. I wrote out a Christmas list. I ordered some stuff off Play. And, upon checking my emails this morning I not only had the message from the (gloriously sexy) Himself but one from Dedalus, who is a friend from uni I haven't spoken to for about two years!

Furthermore, he said he'd wanted to contact me but had lost my email address and number (read: his girlfriend probably made him delete it), and so had tracked me down using the staff directory on the website for my workplace! Whoa, Nelly!

So, I emailed him back with my mobile number and after a preliminary text he rang me. He asked if he could call my home number and said that he remembered that but he hadn't wanted to use it because it seemed a bit random.

We're going to lunch or something next week.

When I told my boyfriend he said: "For God's sake, are you ever gonna spend any time with me?! You've got about four fellas on the go!" I asked if that was true, how come I'm sat at home alone on a Friday night? Boyf's having a boys night. Movies and junk food are on the agenda for me.

How random is that?

Maneater

I think I have met my match. And she's a librarian, Hasslehoff enthusiast, from Hanover. Who knew?

Heidi says: tried my dress and it hardly fits!!
Chica says: oh no!!!! so really you need to go shopping??
Heidi says: i look like a sausage and am in need of shopping! jealous that you fit into teenage girls dress!!

Chica says: i think we should take drunk pics and send them to Himself
Heidi says: hahahahaha - and shelverboy
Chica says: have u got his number aswell???
Heidi says: not yet :P
Chica says: lol, i love it!

Chica says: well im hungry, i need to raid the fridge.
Chica says: hopefully there'll be a sexy man in there
Chica says: holding a cheesecake
Heidi says: cheesecake? mmmmhhh
Chica says: sexy man? mmmhhh
Heidi says: covered in cheesecake
Heidi says: being greedy now
Chica says: but so good!
Heidi says: so what are you having?
Chica says: i dont know, i dont think weve got anything nice
Chica says: send me a sexy man over?
Chica says: you've got loads!
Heidi says: i don't!
Chica says: you have, stop hogging them!
Heidi says: cant help it, am greedy
Chica says: friends share you know!
Heidi says: i will! promise!!
Chica says: good!!
Heidi says: any preference?
Chica says: hmmm, such a question
Chica says: who would you choose for me?
Heidi says: hmm... prob Himself coz i know you like him
Chica says: he doesnt like me tho, does that matter??
Heidi says: doesnt he??
Chica says: nope, he has a gf and he never looks at me!
Heidi says: hahahaha, he looks at everyone!! and he's a gentleman!
Chica says: well, i need a one-woman man... actually i would prefer lots of one-woman men
Heidi says: giggle
Heidi says: just to grope?
Chica says: yes, and to send on errands to meet my every need of course
Chica says: goes without saying really
Heidi says: and rightly so! one man wouldnt cope on his own!

Heidi says: I want that Paul
Chica says: oh yes, you can have Paul, has he got a shaved head??
Heidi says: not sure but he's in the army so good chance
Chica says: well if he hasnt we can make him shave it after the brainwashing
Heidi says: hahahaha
Heidi says: so he feels like a kiwi fruit
Chica says: lol, whatever floats your boat!

Definitely my kind of gal.

Freaky 'Fess Up

In the spirit of full disclosure, and inspired by Wondy's confession, I would just like to formally announce that, for a period of about two days, before it became totally eclipsed by my desire for Himself, I fancied Chad Michael Murray.

You may not know him. He's the doe-eyed kid L.Lo falls for in Freaky Friday, and he certainly did nothing for me in that role. He also features a bit on Go Fug Yourself, for obvious reasons, none of which could be said to engender attraction.

On Sunday night, I had a horror double bill of my very own, and watched The Descent (which rocks!) and House of Wax (not as much rocking but worth a watch if only to marvel at Paris Hilton acting.) In House of Wax, however, CMM plays a sort of bad boy character with a soft, heroic underbelly, and I totally fell for it. I thought he was looking a bit Justin Timberlake without the skinny kid element too. He's just like, the guy that gets things done. The guy you'd want on your team. As Paris herself would say: that's hot.

The Descent won out though, not at all what I expected, with good performances and genuine shocks. I'm not a major fan of scary or gory films but this one surprised me. I know it was out for ever ago but because I'm not a big fan of the genre I could never be bothered watching it until recently. If you missed it too, you should really check it out.

There you go, a post not entirely about the guy I like! I'm too good to you!

Chase me, chase me!

Tagged by Wondy.

The Rules:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

My sentence is rubbish! "And she made the staple diet joke, perfectly unconcerned."

No fair, I was so close to having an excuse to post a pic of Jeremy Edwards in the shower! Ah, screw it.

My 22nd post has for it's fifth line: "Well, maybe if Jeremy Edwards walked into my room looking like he does on my desktop (for the ladies) I'd Save as Draft."

Now that's a sight for sore eyes! Look at those shoulders! You know, I didn't even fancy Jezzy when he was on Hollyoaks, and I must have been in my early teens, around the time you fancy anything that moves/has good hair. He has definitely improved with age. Or maybe I just never saw him in the shower before? HOT. I'm good to you aren't I?

I tag anyone who feels like playing. MJ, I know you'll want to play but I don't know if you have 23 posts?!

Late Night Suckfest

Lates officially SUCK. I'm properly bored. And I didn't get my break today. Booooo! Anyway, I've just had an hilarious encounter with some dude who we'll call Hitch. Afterwards, I pssstted Potter and asked: What's that guys name?

P: I thought you knew him, you were getting on like a house on fire!
Me: Does he flirt with everyone?
P: Aye. Be warned.

So funny. I wish MJ had been in my ear, he would've wet himself at Hitch's lines, which included: "Every time I see you you're always smiling... I'm so attracted to girls who smile... you're smiley." He had some kind of flirt and pause technique going on, as if he needed to give each line a few moments for maximum impact/appreciation. It's sad to say but that's the most entertainment I've had all day.

Okay I take it back, he just got me again and bored the bejesus out of me telling me all about writing his thesis. Dude should've quit while he was ahead.

Our Survey Says...

Our top totty, assessed, judged, assessed, verified, and assessed some more by the office gurlz:

Eion Bailey

Brandon Flowers

Jake Gyllenhaal

Tall, dark and handsome is the order of the day!

Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead

Today at work I actually put these words into Google: 'define: tedium' (ooh, but I did get a new chair!) So I've made a new game up to keep me entertained. It's called: Flirting with Potter. Seriously, I can't help myself today. My God-awful lines have included: "Does your trolley want to ride with me?" and, "Hello, I'm here to relieve you." Sexual harassment much? Okay so the thing to note here (for anyone thinking 'don't you have a boyfriend?') is that I don't actually fancy Potter (he has long fingernails), but he has a really attractive personality and even laughs at my lame ass attempts at double entendre. Just for the record, I didn't intend any of my double entendres today, they just sort of fell from my mouth. I think its an act of rebellion against being polite from 8:30 to 5:00. Maybe one day I'll start yelling at people on the bus. Until then I'll have to worry Potter for my own amusement *sigh*

Last night I half-watched Lost, half-shopped online. I got an email about a Sale. It called to me like a mythical sea siren luring weary sailors to their doom, or something. I ordered a whole heap of stuff and then couldn't remember exactly what this morning. It was one of those shopping hazes, induced by the 'all sale items a fiver' banner slithering across the screen in neon pink. Then, I got an email in work saying that two of the nicest things I ordered were out of stock. Waaaaa, I say. I was already envisioning wearing one of them with my jeans and a funky headband. Damn you! But please deliver the rest of my clothes safely, thanks :)

Oh, did I mention I'm off tomorrow?

P.S. Happy Birthday to Hoggle, who reached the grand old age of *ahem - pardon, didn't quite catch that* yesterday.

A Smattering of Smut

I forgot to tell you about sexy lift man. He caused quite a stir among us female residents last week. I was sat opposite the lift when he came in to do some maintenance work, and thought hmmm, he's not bad to look at! Tall dark and handsome, cheeky grin, good body, a little bit shy. Lila excitedly came over and professed her fervent admiration for him, complaining that he only came in once in a blue moon. My situation then was very fortunate indeed - but I don't know why she just doesn't unscrew the bulb in the lift more often? (I hope it's not a sign of something bad that this solution immediately sprung into my mind.) Anyhow sexy lift man industriously went about his work, and I was afforded but a few fleeting glances since he could clearly see me perving on him in the mirror, so I had to resist. Lila then found another excuse to come to my desk and bemoaned that I had the best view - a bit too loudly. I didn't notice and wholeheartedly agreed with her, then when she was walking away she started mouthing 'He heard me!' and generally cringing with embarrassment. All right for her, I had to keep sitting there until he left. He approached the desk with a rather large pole when he was finished and asked me if he could leave it to my disposal. "Lila," says I, "Can we do anything with this?" Lila clutched the pole enthusiastically and agreed to sort it out for him, even though she didn't have a clue what to do with it and it knocked about the office for the rest of the day. Potter found it all very amusing, being immune from sexy lift man's enamour. For some strange reason our manager took the pole home. We've never asked.

In related news, this morning on my way into work I received a long, slow whistle from one of the builders outside. At the time I pretended not to hear but I would just like to record my utmost indignation here: It's about bloody time, I've walked past you every day for the past five weeks!

All the world's a stage...

I think that's enough complaining for one month don't you?

And Oh. My. God! The hunky guy I mentioned? Married. But also after my sis! I thought this before when she told me about an exchange they had, but now I know for sure because I know him! He had an affair with one of my mates! He is such a nice bloke though, really funny and a great personality, he helped me out so much today. But, then he came back with another tip he had remembered (I've forgotten all the tips because I was so gobsmacked!) and it was SO obvious me and my sis were talking about him. My sis had just been saying: "I'm not as attracted to him as I was at first, that shirt and tie he has on puts me right off and he gets gunge collecting at the side of his mouth, but his personality..." He walked in, we stared at him, he looked back at us, then I went, "I was just saying, I recognise you! Weren't you in Victorian Studies?" I think we just about got away with it!

Just for the record, I don't think he's that hunky. But he used to be a lot fitter than he is now, he's lost so much weight! He really is a good bloke, but seems a bit of a womaniser. He was so helpful going through the stuff for my interview with me, so I feel a bit guilty having all the goods on him! I warned my sis that he seems a bit of a player to me though. I said I've heard a few rumours about him and while you don't know if they're true, he was blatantly flirting with my sis anyway and he's married, so that's bad news. But how crazy is that? It's a small world after all. His advice was brilliant and basically amounted to 'Suck up as if your life depended on it,' so I'm really glad I met up with him. He gave me some insider tips too.

For some reason that's reminded me of something Mrs De. Winter told me once. One of our favourite tutors offered her some stunning advice on her way into a Shakespeare exam: "Othello's the black one." True.

British men, I say yay

Upon recently reading V's fabulous post about British men, it got me to thinking about the type of guys I usually meet. I came to the conclusion that I actually meet lots of decent blokes all the time, all rather handsome, seemingly sweet, attentive, and funny. I'm sure they have their faults, but everyone does and they all come out in the end. So, what is my secret? How do I do it? I'll tell you. I already have a boyfriend, and am therefore completely unavailable. I can offer men nothing more than friendship and occasional insider information on the world of Women. I am firmly convinced that this ups your chances of meeting good guys by about 80%. It's some twisted Law of the Universe. For example, I have a job interview before I go to France. Somebody I know knows somebody who works in a similar position, and offered him up for much picking of brains. Great, how helpful. I am also informed that this somebody is a drop dead gorgeous hunk. Would this opportunity have presented itself to me had I been single and looking? Almost certainly not. Am I going to be able to concentrate on the task at hand should the guy turn out to be as hunky as reputed? Not a chance in Hell.

The best example of there being good British blokes out there is of course, my boyfriend, who despite a serious foot-in-mouth disorder, is a bit of a dreamboat actually. But don't tell him I said so :)