Nobody Else

Who watched the Take That documentary thingy the other day?! I was a massive fan when I was like, 14, and wanted to marry Mark Owen, so I thought I'd have a look at it. Unbeknownst to me at the time, my folks were also watching it - they thought it was very sad that Robbie didn't turn up at the end! Me and my friend at the time, Laura, referred to ourselves as Take That comrades. It was all quite tragic and embarrassing, but thankfully we were never anywhere near as bad as all those fans they showed crying and screaming and doing things like telling their children Gary Barlow was their dad! It was the talk of the day with the girls at work too, and we all expressed the same sentiment: What the eff happened to Jason Orange's voice? I think his balls climbed back up or something? He didn't used to talk like that did he?

The programme showed their houses they have now - Gary's house looks a bit like Elton John's wardrobe threw up on it. Gary was well cheesy getting his kids to run in on cue and asking if they wanted to hear daddy sing (bet they wanted to go "ugh, not A Million Love Songs again Da"), and the goatee thing on his chin was gross. Overall though, I think it really was a shame Robbie didn't turn up at the end, instead of sending them a video to all sit and watch - patronising much? Though I'm sure there are all kinds of issues there and that docu only really scratched the surface - Robbie is still well bitter about it all despite his massive success.

So it's Friday now - thank fuck - and I'm looking forward to the moment I get off the bus. Yesterday we went Christmas shopping (kinda), and it was actually suggested by the Boyf, who needed shoes and a belt for a charidee do on Sunday. The shoes he got are well nice - I was very proud of him finding them all by himself. I bought a big cosy cardie because I've been freezing in work, then realised I didn't have that many clothes to go with it since it's like a deep purple colour. I'm shivering today but I'm wearing a red top - I just can't pair the two. We managed to pick up one Christmas present, for our Yank, who's usually solid to buy for. It's a poker carousel with chips and cards and all the necessaries. I've since had the idea of going back and getting Boyf one. He's not a particularly big gambler - he only plays the lottery and puts a bet on the Grand National at Aintree. But strip poker sounds like too much fun to pass up. It truly is the gift that keeps on giving :)

First comes love...

This morning on the bus I heard a familiar grating sound, a sort of screeching of tyres in vocal form, and looked up to have my suspicions confirmed. The ranting militant Londoner from my masters course had boarded, and was ranting at the bus driver about the fare. It was so weird to see her, still seemingly in the same outfit, especially when I've had to think a lot about my dissertation recently, prompted by concerned emails from my tutor. If it hadn't been first thing in the morning and she hadn't been in mid-rant, I probably would have said hello.

Last night was my late night, and instead of my usual break-partner of Potter, I went with Mordred. Mordred was really nice when my sister's husband died on the phone to my mum, so she's won lots of points from me. My great nephew and her grandson were born around the same time too so we talked about that; then I was summoned to go see all her pictures of him, which was kind of touching because she lights up when she talks about him. It was a chilled late night cos Elspeth was just blatantly slacking for the last hour, so that made it okay for me too :P

And finally, congratulations are in order for Mrs. De Winter, who's totally in love and moving in with her new beau. She hasn't been seeing him all that long and it got me to thinking about things with the Boyf. What am I waiting for? Yes, I'm terrified of commitment, but we've been together for 6 years, and if we move in together now and hate each other then at least I'll find that out now instead of waiting another 6 years... right?

Prediction

We have a new blokey at work. He does a different job to me and gets to work a lot less hours, the lucky bugger! He's young, tall and quite handsome - I predict he'll end up with Weezer. I don't know why, it's just an inkling I have - they haven't even met yet! Watch this space!

Also, Rarebit finally left his leather waistcoat at home! This calls for a celebration! I would really like to burn it ceremonially and dance around the ashes drinking tequila and singing old pirate shanties... or something. I complimented him on his new look - you know, without saying "Thank God you've stopped wearing that disgusting rag." I'm subtle like that, see?

Funereal Laughs

Okay so, I decided to just go with the sombre tone and ya'll can ride it with me. Here is a short lesson in how to be a bad Catholic, courtesy of my family.

Aunt Boy George: Oh fuck, you'll see Jesus to what's-her-name? The woman that's kneeling and praying?
Mum: Our Lady?!
Aunt BG: Yeah, that's her.

Pebbles: They'd put one of those things in his hand, you know, them rosemary beads.

Tink: Why's the priest flicking water?

Sis: Aw, he even brought one of those sprayers, what are they called?
Me: A water pistol?

All: and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us...
...10 minutes later...
Me: I can't stay here and play happy families with him, I'm so angry, they might have all forgotten, but I haven't, and I never will!

Sis: Is it okay to hug a priest?
Mum: Not when you stink of ale.

Bad Day at Black Rock

Shit, it's difficult to write posts when so much crap is going on in your life. My blog is meant to be a light, flippant, happy-g0-lucky sort of space, with the odd moaning session thrown in for good measure, and maybe the occasional non-serious breakdown when I've had a tiff with the bitchy cousin or the supervisor. Suffice to say, this past week would have made glorious fodder for the scriptwriters at Eastenders. The only good thing I'm able to write about is that my Boyfriend was thrilled with the Australian Pink Floyd tickets (MJ was green) I surprised him with on his birthday. Other than that, nearly everyone I love has broken down in tears at some point during the last week and are still in complete anguish. I'm having the day off today because I've hardly slept, even though I would rather be at work than at home today. I'll post more when WW3 has calmed down a bit, but for now I think there will be a short intermission (unless I later decide to post everything in one big cathartic rant! :P) I'll still be reading my usual blogs though, as they're my only respite when I'm chained to a desk!

Scorpio + Aries = Passion

Happy Birthday to my gorgeous boyfriend! 28 today!

Full Moon

As I am enduring another late night at work I thought I'd try for an update, in between the excellent work I'm carrying out for the University, naturally.


Firstly - a belated Happy Halloween! Halloween can be pretty fun if you get into it, which this year we didn't really make the effort - on the night we went straight out after work for a meal and to take in a show at the Empire (above), Twopence to Cross the Mersey, which was just kind of eh, whatever. I'm assured the book is much better but I'm not really into those kinds of books, and I thought it was a poor portrayal of Liverpool and Liverpudlians, especially the bit about the old man and Helen bonding because it was the first 'proper' English he had heard since he arrived in Liverpool. And lines like "Cos I relate to people what's got class." Cheek! But Boyf was quite excited to catch a glimpse of Sinbad from Brookie, who was also there to see the show. We encountered him a couple of times, including in the street after it had finished when both Boyf and I went: "Sinbad!" a bit too loudly and his wife gave us a funny look. He looked well! And it was a good way to avoid the trick or treaters.

Continuing the Halloween theme, Potter and I have just been discussing scary movies. He celebrated All Hallows Eve with The Blair Witch Project. I went to see this at the cinema when it first came out. Our Yank saw it a few days before me and planned to sneak into my bedroom the night I'd seen it and stand in the corner facing the wall to scare the bejesus out of me, but he was foiled in one way or another. Potter's all time scariest films include The Ring (Japanese version) and Don't Look Now, and I struggled to think of one cos I'm quite easily scared by films to be honest. But I did recall trying to watch Mulholland Drive on my own in a dark bedroom and getting the biggest fright of my life when that scary face scene is on, for anyone who's seen it. I was that frightened I just thought "I can't handle this!" and switched it off. I'll get around to watching it one day though as I keep hearing good things and am told that at the end you're like "WTF?" which is something I look for in a film :) By the way I totally couldn't remember the name of this film and Potter guessed it with the meagre clues of "weird" and "scary face."

Talking of all things weird and scary, I am again blessed by the presence of the Foot Perv. Dude is totally freaking me out for numerous reasons that really have to be seen to be appreciated. Also, today, Potter and I were sharing the small table in the staff room having our lunch. This table is really narrow and piled with junk from the book club so there were three chairs but really only space for two, at a push. Foot Perv waddles in and asks to share my half of the table - well I can hardly say no. He was practically on my knee eating his dinner. It sounds petty but he was seriously up close and personal. He does it behind the counter though, he's like superglue and bumps into you all the time because he tries to follow you so fast. If the sensitive balance of what we do at work can be compared to an intricate dance, then I have only one thing to say to Foot Perv: Spaghetti arms!

Pierre the lunatic French dude came in today too. Whenever I'm dealing with him there is a certain element of fear because he's really unpredictable, but if you handle him right, or are lucky enough to catch him in a playful but tolerable mood, then he can be pretty funny. He returned a 3-day loan book late. It has a big yellow sticker on the side saying 3 DAY LOAN and the due date stamped on the inside - 28 Oct. You're going to have to imagine the French accent.

P: Excuse me, I think this book is late but I won't have to pay a fine, nobody told me it was a 3 day loan.
Me, in a light, jocular, please-don't-turn-into-The-Incredible-Hulk tone: Ah yes, there's a sticker on the side there. That's 80p.
P: No I don't have to pay a fine, nobody tells me.
Me, smiling sweetly: Yes, I'm afraid you do, there's a yellow sticker and the date you have to bring it back is stamped here see?
P: Ah, okay okay, I try to use my business skills! 18p?
Me: 80p, thank you... okay, here's your receipt and I've taken it off your account.
P: Okay, you win again!

Sex, lies, and videotape

Right back atcha Andrew!

It's Saturday night and I have just spent the evening with Andrew Lincoln. He starred in Afterlife; it was the last in the series tonight and it's been pretty good apart from the lack of nudity on Andrew's part. Maybe I could make that a suggestion for series 2 if there is one? I find it perfectly impossible to understand his relationship to Lesley Sharpe's character without seeing Andrew's arse. And that's the truth. Why is that guy so cute? There's something really sexy and vulnerable about him. Definitely worth a boink!

Boyf is currently at a poker party, getting sloshed. At least the premise of the party was to play poker, for his best friend Butthead's birthday (which was last week.) He left for the party at two o'clock today. I spoke to him about twenty minutes ago and they were just getting the cards out. The lure of the pub was just too much for them to bear. Also throwing a bash tonight is my entire family, for Halloween. There are two reasons I'm not there, and they're both great big dickheads. Yes, the Grinch and Judas are both in attendance. There have been some developments in that area, with my sister having a bit of a realisation that Christmas this year will SUCK ASS because her husband is a prick. Grinch offered to "have a word" with my boyfriend to try and sort things out so that everybody could go to the party and play happy families and I could just develop amnesia and forget all the things that have been said. But when my mum told my sis that I probably wouldn't piss on Grinch if he was on fire... I mean, want to go to the party, sis decided it wasn't worth Grinch going to the effort of "having a word." My sister is deluding herself at the moment. She had a merry conversation with me about all of us going shopping in Manchester, and Grinch could drive us there. I made my excuses as subtly as possible: oh, I'll just need a whole day! I'm going to go when I've got my next day off - in five weeks. With him?! Are you fucking serious? I'd rather prise out my own eyeball with a spoon. (Ummm... that last one was just in my head.)

And breathe. On a lighter note, Most Haunted Live is on this weekend, for a Halloween special, but we watched some of it last night and it was complete pants. They just filmed themselves waiting for a lift for about five minutes, awkwardly trying to make conversation and sound interested in the fact that they were waiting for a lift. We only watched it because there was an expose in the paper from Ciaran O'Keefe (the shows acting parapsychologist and sceptic extraordinaire) saying how he had made up names of "ghosts" and fed them to Derek Acorah, the shows medium (pictured; Joey from Bread is obviously a big influence), and how the names were anagrams of DEREK LIES and DEREK FAKER. Sure enough, poor old Degsy was possessed by said spirits. So we thought, oooh, we'll watch it and see if they deny it and what will they say about Ciaran and will Derek even be there?! But we watched it and they were all there, even Mr. O'Keefe, and made no mention of it whatsoever, as if nothing had happened. The only entertainment we had was trying to decide if Yvette Fielding has had collagen injections. She was looking a bit Leslie Ash if you ask me.

Lost in Translation

People, I am so utterly fried. I am still stuck in work. If it wasn't for P.Diddy I don't think I could have made it this far - I'd have ripped off my Staff badge and gone skipping and screaming into the night. Working with Foot Perv is like being on a seesaw of awkwardness and morbid fascination. Even when the poor bloke says something normal, it's a shock coming from his mouth. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.*

Oooh, Dave has smuggled an mp3 player in. Lucky bastard.

So I got on my usual bus today that I ride every single day to work and sat there for like an hour or however long it takes to get 15 minutes away from my workplace. Then the bus stops and everyone gets off but me. I just sat there, until the bus driver leans over and tells me it's the last stop. What? Since when? So I had to leg it to work. Maybe he just saw there was only one person and thought 'fuck it'?

In exactly 12 hours time (God willing) I'll be on that bus again on the way here. How depressing. I'll just have time to get home, wash my hair, straighten my hair, iron my trousers and make my lunch. Guillermo however, is having a whale of a time cavorting around from one social event to another this evening. Jealous!

I'll leave you with a conversation I had with an international student earlier when I asked him very nicely to repeat something I'd missed:

Him: Are you foreign?
Me: No
Him: Then why do you have a problem understanding English?

Charmed, I'm sure!

*Yes, I'm stealing from Mean Girls.

Drama

So far this week, a student went into a diabetic fit at work and an ambulance was called, a dead body was found underneath the flyover, and there has been a train derailment (in which, very luckily, noone was killed.) Also, one of the cleaners was standing at the end of the library counter talking very loudly on the phone to her husband, sounding very much like she was accusing him of having an affair. What gives me this impression chiefly is that she yelled "Well why don't you want sex anymore?!" All a bit too Eastenders for my liking.

Tonight after a long, boring day at work, I filled out some more job applications. One of them I totally want, the other is a bit dodgy as it involves interviewing violent and/or psychotic criminals. Plus you have to do roleplay in the interview, which would only be okay if I got to play the psycho (terminology I should probably avoid if I want the job :P) Caught bits of TV including Jamie Oliver getting his Special Recognition from the National TV Awards, and good on him too! His dad was there and announced the award, he looked dead chuffed and proud, it brought a tear to my eye! His Fifteen and School Dinners projects are very admirable, and I saw one of his new shows where he drives to Sicily in a camper van and it was cool :) Also watched Lost, and it turns out that Shannon and Boone got jiggy with it in Australia, quelle surprise.

Tomorrow I'm covering Rarebit's late shift, hence the late night post. The dude totally scammed me to do his late and then took the rest of the week off sick, but at least he owes me one. This means that I have to work with the Foot Perv... I never thought I'd regret not owning Doc Martens.

A Kings Ransom

The Olive Press was last night the scene of unrestrained debauchery. It pains and humiliates me to confess something that will provoke disgust and outrage in you, gentle reader. Last night, after entering the restaurant and tottering down a small flight of stairs in my very high heels, we were told we had to wait for our table so headed to the bar, where we ordered a pint and a double Baileys... the pint cost £3.50, which is a rip off but we are prepared to deal with that as it's the norm to be ripped off in most places we go. But the Baileys... the Baileys... oh the Horror! NINE POUNDS!!! Have you seen how little liquid you get in a double Baileys? The glass is most definitely half empty! Moreover, for NINE POUNDS (FOR A DRINK!!) you can almost buy a bottle of the stuff. Let me just put this into sharper context. Before 7 o'clock in said restaurant, they do a £10 meal deal, which offers 2 courses and a glass of wine! There was a group of women next to us when we handed over our hard earned cash with faces agog, who sympathetically advised: "you'd better enjoy that drink!" "Fucking hell," Boyf complained, "Let me have a taste!" The rest of the night is a complete blank. I have never quite recovered!

That'll be £95 and your first born son please.

Oh okay, it's not a complete blank, but seriously that totally put me off the place and I didn't enjoy the rest of the experience at all, even though it was quite decent. I didn't like the food I ordered, but thems the brakes sometimes, the starter was scrummy, and it was nice to go someplace new. I won't be going back though, that's for sure!

We had a 9:30 table so we hit the Tapas bar before we traipsed over to The Money... I mean Olive Press, and had some yummy sangria. The bar was packed and we had a good laugh trying to fit as many Elvis related words and sayings into our conversations - childish but effective, just add alcohol. Sample Quote: "Can you hold this for me please? ...Thank you very much." We forgot to take a watch so kept having to ask people the time or try and spy a look at their wrists. We were next to a group of Cockneys, and when one of them laughed it honestly sounded like he was sobbing his heart out. They told us they'd been waiting for a table since Tuesday. Better to wait than pay NINE POUNDS FOR ONE DRINK I say! Sorry, I'll get over it when I get a job with a bigger salary, company car, and perhaps twelve underlings. Can I just say we used to think the Tapas bar was expensive and the round there costs half the price than the one at Satan's Rip-Off Dump? Like the Murphy's, I'm not bitter. I think I'm traumatised. I'll probably have to drink solely in Wetherspoons (cheapy cheapy cheap cheap - and, according to the website, award winning loos!) for a bit until I recover.

Don't step on my blue suede shoes, bitch!

Anyway, after leaving The Restaurant That Shall Not Be Named, we hovered in the doorway for a bit deciding whether to get soaked in the rain or try and hail a cab. A passing cab, it's orange light answering our dilemma, wrapped up all such discussion and we got in. Then regretted it. Taxi man just rabbited on at us for the entire journey, and after hearing with satisfactory revulsion our tale of the £9 Baileys, suggested that I frequent an area well known for prostitution to earn the money back. When Boyf protested, taxi man argued that I didn't even know what that meant. I must look innocent or something. All in all, a bit of a mixed bag as nights out go.

Oh, and also, when we passed Havana, everyone was standing around the TV watching X Factor :P So I just about know that Journey South made it through as they were on when we passed. Because of my week in France I missed out on a bit of X Factor and haven't really kept up with it as I should have, but I'd like to say how gutted I am that little Trevor and James didn't get through. Trevor made me cry when he said that he thought he'd just be stacking shelves for the rest of his life. The poor mite is only 16. On a more worrying note, I think Chico is actually starting to grow on me (like a fungus?) At least he doesn't come on singing boring ballads every week. I just wish he'd stop telling everyone it was "Chico time!"

You know, in the olden days, they used to Press people to death with big stones for committing certain crimes... don't think there were any Olives involved though. And very little Baileys.

Living for the Weekend

Wooo hoooo! It's Saturday. I cannot explain my joy at reaching Saturday - it's only eclipsed by my dread at reaching Sunday night! Seriously, my job isn't that bad, so why do I hate it so much? Weird. Anyway, I've been applying for others. I only found out about two of them at the last minute so my supporting statements aren't that good - in one of them I just copied and pasted a load of stuff from past supporting statements and ended up with a 4 page essay about why they should hire me :P I think it may be information overload, but it was all I had time to do and you've gotta be in it to win it! Got a couple of applications through the post today, one is for a research job I really want and another is for a ridiculously well paid job a step up from what I'm doing, but I don't reckon I'll get it as I've only been in this job 3 months.

So, I'm off out on the town tonight with my Boo. We have loosely planned a scrumptious meal somewhere and a few Baileys, maybe a bit of dancing. I think we might try The Olive Press. I did want to try Il Forno (right) but Elspeth from work is going there so I'll avoid it for now! It looks gorgeous though. There are so many new restaurants springing up around the place at the mo'; another one I want to try is the Alma De Cuba (left) - it's in the former St. Peter's church and we were thinking of going there for the works Christmas night out until we settled on The Living Room. It looks very grand! Mmmm, all this talk is making me hungry!

Now for the age old question: What to wear? I'm off to pamper myself with a sojourn in the bath and mull it over.

My Boy Lollipop

I just survived two and a half hours on the computer helpdesk with minimal knowledge of computers. Basically, I was an usher, referring people to the other computer assistant and selling them snacks and beverages... oh okay, discs and print credits. I nearly died when I saw it on the timetable, but it actually made the time pass really quickly. This morning I woke up like a bear with a sore head. I hate dark mornings.

EDIT: Chicken Stu, the bloke in charge of the comp desk, nipped out for a ciggy and bought me a drumstick lollipop for my hard work! (I hope I'm still getting paid :P) I'm quite touched! :) Also noticed that I'm back on the comp desk tomorrow though - bracing myself.

In other news, CONGRATS go out to Guillermo, who is now a published author!

Must go clock back in and leave my life at the door! I'll leave you with these memorable quotes:

Weezer, on the result of dyeing her hair brown: "Oh well, it's Halloween soon."

P.Diddy (a colleague), on Mein Kampf: "Do you know what happens? The small man with the black moustache did it."

Boyf, to a man in his fifties getting out of a suped-up car blasting rave music: "Mid-life crisis mate?"

Celebs I'd love to have a pint with... vol. 1

Tess Daly & Vernon Kay

Wouldn't you just love to hang out with these guys? They're like the perfect couple. Vernon would be a right laugh and Tess seems really down to Earth, despite being unfathomably lucky on the genetic front. Vernon has starred in some crap telly shows in his time of course. One that strikes me most firmly is that Saturday night show he presented with has-been singers and acts attempting a comeback. I remember listening to Vernon's Radio One show on a drive back from Wales after he had interviewed Haddaway (remember him? no? he sang What is Love (oh baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more) back in 1990-something.) He asked Hadda (for short) how he kept in such good shape and Hadda's reply was to very sleazily drawl: "Lots of sex." Vernon took the piss out of him. I also think their wedding looked fab (they got married in Vernon's home town near Bolton and their wedding car was a camper van) and their baby pics are very classy. They've gradually worked their way up in the industry too, with Tess appearing in The Beloved's Sweet Harmony video where everybody's naked, and Vernon starring in some TV show that followed models around (he being a male model, not in a pervy sense.) Tess is gorgeous enough to be forgiven for being Bruce Forsythe's TV wife on Strictly Come Dancing, or whatever that cheesefest show is. I know it's popular but come on! She was brilliant with Brian Dowling on SM:TV though. And in a magazine interview she said she wanted to move to the country and bake cakes, which rocks! Thumbs up for Tess & Vernon I say!

Travel Log, Episode Three: Back to the Future Anterior

This concluding part has been a long while coming, but that’s mainly because I didn’t get any more time to jot anything down while I was there, so this is the condensed version from memory. I mainly just want to include it for myself so that I can look back and remember, that’s basically the point of my entire blog really. So here it is, part three:

Where was I? Ah yes, Toulouse. Toulouse is big and busy and easy to get lost in. Boyf didn’t like it at all. We took some photographs at Pont Neuf and strolled back through the city towards the car. I almost had a bit of a Marilyn moment over a large grid in front of a crowded café. Back in the horrible car park, we were accosted by scary tramp man. We left in our car quickly. On the way out of Toulouse, a lunatic driver smashed into a parked Mercedes and then almost reversed into us. Boyf - who is very prone to road rage - was surprisingly calm. He was glad to see the back of the place, but I’m glad we visited it and there were some pretty sights to take in there.


The next day we went to Albi, primarily for the flea market that we never found (perhaps it was a literal flea market and they were shopping for new dogs to inhabit or carrying bags of groceries, too tiny for us to see? Don't look at me like that.) The Cloisters at Albi are really pretty and we preferred it to Toulouse, even though the church, known as God’s Aircraft Carrier, is quite ugly - some of the interior looks a bit 60’s to me. Anyway it was meant to look ugly apparently, to scare people into being pious. Good old religion eh? We dined at this little cabin thing by the river, which was crap and took FOR EVER. We then zoomed back to the villa and had a dip in the pool to cool down. We’d done the same the day before - the weather got really hot and sticky in the last week.

After washing my hair in cold water (the hot water would run out really quick) we decided to go out for dinner and got our glad rags on. It was still boiling hot so I wore my long white skirt and a pink silk top. We drove into one of the local villages (past Fabi Dog, a superbly named dog salon) and found a hotel with a lovely outside eating area and sat next to the fountain. We ordered our steak well done and the chef ran it through a lukewarm room. The French do not like cooking things well done and have their steak bloody, which makes me retch. I tried to eat some but it’s all chewy and fleshy. I feel sick thinking about it. The starters and pudding were nice, but we went home hungry, deciding to stop ordering steak in French restaurants. On our way home we drove through the gorgeous sunflower fields that surround the place we’re staying. Beautiful! They look so sunny and happy.

The next day we had a chilled day by the pool. We also went and stocked up on supplies and checked out another nearby village that the guys thought might be a good fishing spot. Then we went for a walk and took that photo of me trying to push the hay bale Guillermo :P

The day after a couple of us went back to Albi. We bought scrumptious ice creams and ate them sitting in the Cloisters. It started to drizzle (despite still being really warm) so we went and visited the Henri Toulouse-Lautrec museum. My shoes squeaked really loudly on the new floors in the lower part of the building. It had undergone fairly recent restoration; the upper floors were all creaky and uneven but old and more fitting. I bought postcards. Boyf was going to fish while we were there too, having drooled over the giant catfish on our previous visit, but wasn’t sure if it was allowed and didn’t fancy having to explain himself to the authorities in French. A sweet old French couple carrying a big ancient camera with a huge flash offered to take a picture of us on my digital camera as we left the museum, but the woman had no idea how to work it and we eventually just pretended that it had worked and thanked them very warmly. They were nice. So since we were being all cultured like, we stopped at a couple of wine places and brocantes on the way back to the villa and my boyfriend was delighted to find this self service wine pump:

Tres classy! We decided against buying any. When we got back it looked like it was going to storm so we went kite flying. Duh. Boyf then got the kite stuck on the roof. Overall, not a very clever afternoon.

The next day, after obligatory pool time, I accompanied my boyfriend to the bank of the River Tarn. I read Christina Crawford’s Mommy Dearest and he caught three fish, had his photo taken with them and then threw them back to swim another day. We also played spot the noisy frog:

Then came our last full day in France. After the boyfriend’s triumphant day fishing, The Men wanted to go back to the River, so we girls went too and sunbathed. Then we went for a wander in the sunflower fields and had our last dip in the pool, which ended in catastrophe when a dead rat was discovered and everybody scattered. I know. It just mars the entire thing doesn’t it really? Our little idyll just completely lost its innocence in that moment. It was very definitely time to go home.

Now this is out of sequence as I’ve only had the photographs to go on since I stopped making notes, but at some point amongst all this Boyf got stung on the hand by a wasp while using the outside shower, and we spent two nights watching fantastic electric storms, which we also caught on video. We played lots of Trivial Pursuit, ate loads of pistachios and drank lots of red wine. The storms were amazing and among my best memories.

In the morning we were up early for our drive to Le Havre. At this moment you need to conjure up the sounds of Chris Rea’s The Road to Hell should you want to imagine any part of this ten hour car journey. Curiously enough, we videoed quite a lot of it, well about five minutes which is a long time to be looking at road on a TV screen. Blur, George Michael, and Queen can be heard from the CD player, but you should still be hearing Chris Rea. I spent the ten hours with a map spread across my knee, and at one point my face when trying to turn it over. There was some light relief when we stopped for a pee break (ho hum.) I told my travelling companion we should probably dig out some toilet paper from our luggage before we went. She went ahead of me and I followed her over, going into the stall next to hers, where I pronounced the words: “Oh My God, are you having a laugh?!” and she broke into fits of giggles, having been awaiting my reaction. The loo was literally just a hole in the floor with two ridged bits for you to stand in and, well, squat. “Have you been?” I asked. To which she replied that she had. “How?” I wondered, so she came in and demonstrated her technique. I was worried they wouldn’t have any loo roll, they haven’t even got any loo’s! WTF? So elegant. When we FINALLY! got to Le Havre, we checked into our hotel and went looking for somewhere to eat. We eventually found a pizzeria with very expensive beer. Then we went back to our room, had a nightcap and settled down for some much needed sleep.

The following day we got up early (again!), had breakfast and boarded the ferry. When we got there we decided to use what was left of our cash to go Club Class and paid for a cabin. The guy at the reception desk was just like Marjorie Dawes from Fat Fighters, played by Matt Lucas in Little Britain. Boyf asked what came with the room, but the guy got distracted so I said “Dust!” This became our catchphrase for about the next six weeks. Apologies to all who know us. In our cabin we were excited to find dressing gowns, but decided that Brittany Ferries are much better than P&O cos you get a mini fridge :P Boyf immediately donned a robe and I used one of my scarves to fashion a cravat for him, which we found very amusing in our own little way. In the Club Class lounge we could have one glass of complimentary champagne each, and more tea, coffee, and shortbread than you could shake a stick at! The journey went much faster, and we were suddenly in England again, listening to Live 8 on the radio. And that’s where the story picked up again…

Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen

Just time to wish my other niece a Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday Tink!

Yes, it's been an expensive month for me!

Happy 18th Birthday Pebbles!

My niece is 18 years old today! Happy Birthday babe!

Learning to Juggle

How do people manage to have full time jobs and lives of their own? I mean, really, it's my niece Pebbles' 18th birthday on Friday, and I haven't shopped. I'm going away Saturday morning, and I haven't shopped. Nor will I start packing until Thursday night (maybe), I have two jobs to apply for tonight, plus it's my other niece's 16th birthday next week, and I haven't shopped (I need to get her present before I leave for France.) Plus I discovered, thanks only to a chance conversation with Potter, that it's my responsibility to find someone to cover my late night next week because I'm off. Which sucks because you basically have to ask for a favour every time you want time off. Am debating whether to inflict the Foot Fetish Perv on Potter. Oh, and I have to squeeze some time with my Snuggle Bunny in before I say au revoir for a whole week.

What do teenage girls like these days? I mean, apart from tequila and excessive dieting? Jewellery is always a good idea on big birthdays, but I have such different taste from Pebbles. Also we have the problem of The Event. Me and mine are currently at war with my sister's husband, otherwise known as The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. As plans currently stand, we may be going for an Italian, which should be fine because Grinch doesn't like Italian food. And if he does come, I could always sprinkle his carbonara with arsenic? Oops. You didn't hear that!

Had a funny moment with Foot Perv recently actually. I was helping some girl with the photocopier and he came to take over since it was my break, but she was photocopying pictures of men's bits - purely for medical purposes I understand. When Toes lifted up the page he was like "Oh!" and made all funny embarrassed noises in his throat. His face was a picture! I wonder if he was thinking "Why doesn't mine look like that?!"*

A horrible man came in yesterday and was really rude and aggressive to the lovely Hoggle. He was so obnoxious I wanted to slap him, and you really couldn't find a nicer person than Hoggle, so I really hope something Karmic, and preferably with very big teeth, bites him in the ass.

By the way, sorry MJ, I totally meant to post this link days ago (don't click on it when your boss is making the rounds... unless he's a W&G fan.)

*Speculation, for humorous purposes only and not intending to suggest that I have any actual knowledge of the state of Foot Perv's wanger.

Chase me, chase me!

Tagged by Wondy.

The Rules:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

My sentence is rubbish! "And she made the staple diet joke, perfectly unconcerned."

No fair, I was so close to having an excuse to post a pic of Jeremy Edwards in the shower! Ah, screw it.

My 22nd post has for it's fifth line: "Well, maybe if Jeremy Edwards walked into my room looking like he does on my desktop (for the ladies) I'd Save as Draft."

Now that's a sight for sore eyes! Look at those shoulders! You know, I didn't even fancy Jezzy when he was on Hollyoaks, and I must have been in my early teens, around the time you fancy anything that moves/has good hair. He has definitely improved with age. Or maybe I just never saw him in the shower before? HOT. I'm good to you aren't I?

I tag anyone who feels like playing. MJ, I know you'll want to play but I don't know if you have 23 posts?!

Screwed

Boyf and I have been attempting a romantic week-long break in France for a while now. We agreed the date as 8th October and set about arranging our busy schedules around it. I booked the time off work, planned to shop in advance (didn't work, not sure what I'll be wearing now), and as of yesterday the ferry is booked and we have 2 possible cottages awaiting our arrival (still to be decided.) All sounds pretty sorted apart from the fact that I now have to go without him, because his stupid boss won't give him next week off. In fact, to add insult to injury he is sending him to work away next week and offered him this week off. He does this on purpose; he's such a hater. So I'm off to France as a third wheel. Whatever, it's better than cancelling the time off.

Last week Potter and I were discussing The Turn of the Screw. He asked me if I'd read it and then we both expressed how long it takes to read, despite being a really short novel. It's not even like the language is archaic or difficult; I think it's the syntax he uses, but for whatever reason, it just takes a long time to process. I had to read it in a few days for uni so I probably missed all kinds of significant bits, as it's something you need to take your time over. I remember the boyfriend was scared of the cover and used to make me hide it of a night, which reminds me of Friends when Joey kept The Shining in the freezer (and when I accidentally tore an arm off a teddybear when I was younger and hid it in the wardrobe.) I wish I had more time for reading. There are so many books I haven't read yet and so many that are crying out for a re-reading. Maybe I'll take a book to France to keep me warm since I'll be flying solo.

In other news, Potter attended a fondue party last night. Who knew the 70's were back?

From Henry James to the X Factor. We watched it last night, being the crazy kids we are. We so need to get a life! It was Saturday night for goodness sake! It can be pretty funny but I don't know if it will ever top the high point of the series so far, which has been the two Welsh girls that were on it a few weeks ago. They made me laugh out loud. Simon (of the Cowell) told one of them (go on, guess!) that she looked like Vicky Pollard. When they were interviewed afterwards, she was pretty angry and complained that Simon had no room to talk, since "he's not all that", to which her friend nonchalantly replied, to my complete amazement, "Oh I dunno, I'd still do him like!" Class.

Quote of the week: "I can't remember the last time I rubbed my eyes." Lila, on wearing mascara.

The One

Recently I had a conversation with someone about life's funny coincidences. We all have our own experiences of them, little twists of fate that seem perfectly random yet they reunite us with old friends or drop an opportunity into our laps. One of the first movies I went to see on a date was Sliding Doors. I really liked the concept of the movie, that just by missing a train the course of our whole lives could change. It can be a bit scary too if you think about the implications of every decision we ever make. For example, seeing that film inspired my friend Li to copy Gwyneth's hairstyle, and she looked fab. But if I had made the same decision? Now that would have been SCARY.

One of the most bizarre coincidences that ever happened to me was when I was 17. Years before, I'd picked up an old astrology book at a second hand book fair. It was full of all kinds of things, about mapping your birth chart (the position of the planets when you were born), numerology, handwriting analysis etc. The numerology section used your name and birthdate to give you an insight into your character and the possibilities for your future. Now, it's not that I'm a great believer in this sort of thing but I try to keep an open mind and mostly I just think it's a bit of fun. Ultimately, I think we all control (to a certain extent) who we are and where we're going. Anyway, a few weeks after I met the love of my life I came across the book again tucked away in a storage crate at the back of my wardrobe. I told my boyfriend about the fun, silly nights I'd had with my friends trying out all the different things in there and he asked me to tell him his future. The easiest thing to do was the numerology of his name and birthdate, so I turned to that section and got out a pen and paper. Then I noticed something and could not believe what I saw. There was no need for me to work out the numerology of my boyfriend's name. It was already in the book as the example they used to show you how to do it. My boyfriend didn't believe me and thought I was playing a trick on him at first. It's not like he has the most unusual of names, but I still think it's kind of funny that even though I didn't know it at the time, an astrology book I picked up second hand told me the name of my first love.

What goes around...

Where to begin? So this week has been a bit of a 'mare as far as work has been because there are all varieties of teething problems between departments and unfortunately, the friendly face of our department, me, gets it in the neck from the students when it's me that has to tell them. Messenger. Shoot. Don't. There was only really one guy that was a pain in the ass though; I wanted to slap him around the face with The Oxford English Dictionary. He asked me the same question over and over again, and when I referred him to the supervisor because he was disputing a fine exclaimed: "Well she's just going to give me the same jargon as you, so it's a waste of my time!" (Bloke next to me has just given me an odd look for my one handed typing.) He didn't stop there though and kept up with the questions - correction, the same question I had answered ten times already - also wanting to buy the book back. (So wish I'd told him to try Waterstones.) I knew there was going to be no getting rid of him. Eventually, I said "Do you want to see the supervisor or not, because you're wasting my time." Dude has a serious superiority complex. He huffed and walked off in a strop. He'll prob come back and complain about me. Whatever!

This morning a guy was kicking off because he had to wait in a queue for like 2 minutes to return books because we had just opened and the manager was still stocking the till. When it was his turn I steeled myself for an argument. He opened with: "Sorry for getting impatient babe! I just hate waiting!" God help him when we're actually busy.

On the opposite end of the scale, we've also had some really nice people in too. This guy who always loses books came in. He's always racking up massive bills but he's really sweet about paying for them. Some other bloke offered to buy me an Everton shirt (to convert me) and told his mates to look out for me in Garlands, and a guy I helped the other week came back in for a chat - the only problem being I have real trouble understanding him. The student who chatted me up when I came in for my interview chatted me up again too. And, had a good giggle with Potter the other day, plus he kind of reassured me that he had heard only good things about me from everyone. I can kind of tell who does and doesn't like me anyway.

Ooh, almost forgot to say, remember the state I was in last week because of the Hag? Well, a week to the day and she was sobbing in work because someone from another department had come down to shout at her for the way she spoke to a student and a member of their staff. I didn't take any pleasure from it to be honest, I felt bad for her. I don't think she has great people skills and someone was bound to get peeved at her eventually and bite back. Funny what you said about karma though MJ ;)

In my dreams

Take the quiz: "What Sex and the City girl are you?"

Carrie
You Are Carrie!!

I stole this from Wondy :) I got 7 Carrie points, 3 Charlotte, and 1 Samantha,0 for Miranda! Shocked! However, the sobering words of the actor who plays the hilariously bitchy Anthony are as a mantra in my head: (dripping with derision) "You're not fucking Carrie!"

Lust for Glorious

Looks like Sienna just walked in.

So how was your weekend? I had a total laze-fest, it was glorious. I really miss my boyfriend though. He's in Glasgow this week, due home tomorrow, can't wait! Am hoping for something along the lines of that famous scene from An Officer and a Gentleman, but I don't think he has the outfit... we should get him that outfit! I'm working late tomorrow and could really do with the distraction.

Behold the fabulousness of the new Sex and the City: The Complete Series shoe box! I want one! I'm holding out until after Christmas; if Santa doesn't read my blog, I'll splurge and buy it myself (just hope they don't sell out or something!) I can justify the spending because I'll really get my moneys worth out of it. SATC marathons are a regular occurrence at the Chica residence. It's so pretty!

Yesterday, I watched Closer. Oh My God. How disgusting are men?! Yeuch, I hope Clive Owen doesn't kiss his mother with that mouth! Bar of soap needed, stat. I do not get how Julia's character (my mate Julia Roberts that is :P) could find that man attractive when he is portrayed as such a sleazebag. That scene with Natalie Portman? Gross! I know Jude Law's character wasn't exactly squeaky clean on the language front, but that computer scene - how did they get away with showing that?! - was pretty funny. "Graphic sexual dialogue" indeed! That being said, I'd recommend this film. (But it should be rated NEVER WATCH IT WITH YOUR PARENTS... or on a first date, for that matter.) And I really liked Julia's eye make up! Natalie with red hair reminded me of Sharon Osbourne, but she rocked the pink wig.

Shazza?

I filled out a job application yesterday too. It took me half the day! Bah - I hate supporting statements. It's for some student liaison post, helping them find work placements. It's better paid than my current job and has more chance of going somewhere. I've been trawling job websites recently. If any of them are actually interested in me, I don't think I'm going to be too popular with my boss, getting calls for references already! *sigh* Why can't I just wake up tomorrow and be Zadie Smith? I mean, is that too much to ask?

Every Cloud...

Hey Ya (my homage to last night's Will & Grace.) I wasn't gonna post today but I thought I should maybe lift the gloom of the last post. I had a much better day yesterday. I helped a bunch of people while I was on Guide, including the prettiest little Irish boy I have ever seen in my life! He was CUTE with a capital UTE! I was talking to him giving him advice thinking 'you've been looking at him too long now, look away!' We had a coffee and cake thing for one of the girls who turned forty, but I missed it cos I had to go to some seminar. I didn't mind too much though because I snuck into Faith on the walk back to work (seminar was on the other side of town). They had nice ballet flats for work but they didn't fit me, I'm a size 4 usually but these 4's were just a little tight and the 5 were like flippers on me. Weezer has a similar problem, she's size 3 and is considering shopping in Next Kids. Anyway I felt really naughty and got back to work in time for my break. I did some good work yesterday sorting out a fuck up on the book move and a couple of tricky customers. I'm okay when left to my own devices; IN YOUR FACE, Hag! Ahem. That was a minor glitch. Let the good news commence:

I overslept on Thursday and woke up at 7:28. I still made it into work on time and caught the quarter to 8 bus! How is that physically possible! Watched Mean Girls again. One of my favourite films! And some Sex and the City. Yesterday I got some news from my friend Rosebud, who has - finally! - given birth to her second daughter, at 7lb 15 oz! She has given her a name similar to mine and her initials are mine and my boyfriends, so I approve! :)

I heard back from one of my old tutors that I love recently too, he's so adorable and sweet. My current tutor passed my registration problems on to him because he's always on leave, and I got an email from him saying that he'd try and sort it all out for me, "Registry at their best again!" He is so lovely, I wish he was still my tutor instead of old Droopy Drawers. I'm gonna try and get some work done on it this weekend. You know, if I can fit it around the shopping.

What else? Oh yeah, I ordered some stuff off Amazon, all 'usually dispatched in 24 hours'. I won't get them for like three weeks! What up with that? They are mostly point and click role playing type computer games, because MJ and I decided it was time for a trip down memory lane. We used to play them all the time with my dad, so we thought we could spend some quality time nerding it up together over pizza and cans of Coke (somehow obligatory). That plan is now on hiatus.

I've spotted a couple of jobs I'm gonna apply for at some point over the weekend too. It's not that I desperately hate my job or anything, but I want to keep trying for better positions with more prospects. I am not feeling 9 to 5, and would really love to do something creative. I'm thinking of going to art classes when I've finished my MA. I have no direction to speak of do I? :P Maybe I'll just up and go, be a professional beach bum in some tropical paradise. But knowing my luck I'd probably get eaten by a giant polar bear.

The Good, the Bad and the Fugly

Good: *searching* Towards the end of the day some sweet guy came up and asked me how to spell apologise, because he thought he was spelling it right but spellcheck was marking it wrong. I went and changed the language from English US to English UK, solving the problem. It's a simple thing but it was nice that I knew how to help him, and he was really appreciative, which feels good. Yes, this is the closest I get to job satisfaction. Unlike somebody :)

Bad: Stoopid Supervisor Hag belittling me in front of everyone and making me start the horrendous Guide job before my lunch was even over. A Guide is basically just an extra person on hand to show people things like the library catalogues and give directions and stuff, but it was dead today so it basically involved just hanging around the self issue machines waiting for a person who hasn't used it before to rock up. Also bad was the mere presence of 70's-Thinks-he's-a-Pimp, who makes me hurl. Number of enemies made today: #2.

Ugly: Me standing facing everybody on the counter as the Guide trying not to cry. And failing. I've been emotional all day and the stupid Hag pushed me over the edge by being a bitch for no reason (other than, as I found out later, her boss being on her case telling her to make sure people were doing their jobs properly. Shit rolls downhill, as my mum is fond of saying.) I think she was trying to make an example of me (despite the fact I was doing nothing wrong) because I'm new so she thinks she can get away with talking to me like shit whereas anyone else would have told her to get knotted. In the end I was crying because I was stood there like a Freak on show trying not to cry and to look friendly and approachable at the same time. For an hour. It got so bad that I was trying to remember the words to Barry Manilow and Wham songs to keep my mind busy. Perhaps that was a mistake. Sass eventually came over (interrupting my interior monologue of itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini) and took me to the Staff Room, which was full of people, so now the whole staff team have seen my red eyes. Then the manager asked to see me in her office. She was really nice but I've made a complete show of myself today and cried so much since then that I've made myself sick :(

Pretty much the worst day at work ever.

Ah well, Lost is on tonight. Sass tried to cheer me up by saying I should pretend I was going home to Matthew Fox, and in this small way I am :P

Late Night Suckfest

Lates officially SUCK. I'm properly bored. And I didn't get my break today. Booooo! Anyway, I've just had an hilarious encounter with some dude who we'll call Hitch. Afterwards, I pssstted Potter and asked: What's that guys name?

P: I thought you knew him, you were getting on like a house on fire!
Me: Does he flirt with everyone?
P: Aye. Be warned.

So funny. I wish MJ had been in my ear, he would've wet himself at Hitch's lines, which included: "Every time I see you you're always smiling... I'm so attracted to girls who smile... you're smiley." He had some kind of flirt and pause technique going on, as if he needed to give each line a few moments for maximum impact/appreciation. It's sad to say but that's the most entertainment I've had all day.

Okay I take it back, he just got me again and bored the bejesus out of me telling me all about writing his thesis. Dude should've quit while he was ahead.

It is a truth universally acknowledged...

...that any adaptation of Pride & Prejudice that omits its most famous line is making a mistake. Even Bridget Jones knew that!

Tell me why, I don't like mondays, tell me why, I don't like mondays, I wanna shoo-hoo-hoo-hoo... hold up... it's monday and I'm sitting in bed supping a cup of Yorkshire tea in my pyjamas! :) You gotta love days in lieu. I'm not gonna slob around all day though, I'm heading to uni later to sort out registering and due dates and whether they're gonna try and charge me more fees *gulp* What can I wear? It's funny but I've started to hate wearing anything I've worn to work on my days off. I guess I'll need a whole separate free time wardrobe *sigh*

I'm so happy I could cry. I probably won't feel this way at seven in the morning when I have to drag my ass out of bed and haul it to the bus - stop... I'm on a late tomorrow, lie in for me! Okay I'll stop being smug now, but I have to make the most of these small pleasures while they last, it's proper term time this week and you may find me hiding under the counter because of the change in pace. I'm not looking forward to angry queues of people cursing me for fucking up the till. I'll have to pull out the tried and tested 'la, la, I can't hear you' routine. But I don't have to worry about that until tomorrow. So shush me.

Yesterday was lovely. We spent most of the weekend recovering from our colds (if I'm sick, boyf always has to be sick too, or he feels left out. Bless.) So we snuggled in bed with mugs of tea and comfort food. He bought things on eBay. I watched movies. Sunday afternoon we ventured out to the cinema for Pride & Prejudice. It's one of those movies you already know if you'll love or hate, but I love the novel, Jane Austen is my hero, so I was glued. Not so the bloke on the end of our row, who fell asleep and started snoring. It is a bit drawn out with none of Austen's lively wit to fill the gaps, but it's gorgeously done. My boyfriend had complaints about Mr. Darcy though. He was expecting more of a "Diet Coke man", i.e. sexy, and some romping. He did however like Keira's teeth.

After the film we went for an Italian, which was lush but it was way too hot in the restaurant. Some gross couple (who, my spies inform me, had just met) were making out in the seating area. They had Swing music playing for most of the night and then they played 'Let's Get It On'. Homage?

My P&P verdict: Fall in love with the book first, then you can appreciate seeing it played out on screen with the benefit of Austen's narrative style in your head. The sets are beautiful and I think next time I read the book I'll be able to imagine that time more clearly. But that bit at the end where Elizabeth is talking to her dad? That kind of stunk. Mr. Darcy is a bit wimpy too, but it's hard not to think of him as Colin Firth. It had me at hello.

Boyfs P&P verdict: "I was dying to know what was happening in the theatre next door, I could hear car chases and everything!"

The Plastics

Yesterday, my mum went Christmas shopping. She's actually started pretty late this year, as she's usually got a truckload of presents in by the summer. Anyway, she picked up some Li'l Bratz toys for my niece, who loves them. They're billed as the li'l girls with the big fashion sense!

Now, is it just me, or are these a bit worrying as far as self images for little girls go? I mean, I know the same has been said about Barbie for years and years (and I had like a gazillion Barbies), but seriously now, when the L'il Bratz grow up, they're gonna look like this. They're either seriously emaciated or have inflatable heads. And since they're meant to be 'li'l girls', aren't they a bit young for eye lifts and collagen injections?

I don't know. At least Barbie had multiple careers, various property investments and dumped Ken for a surfer toyboy.

Are you ready boots?

A quick pitstop at bloggerville. I'm a bit under the weather at the mo' (but still at work, breathing all over everyone, muahahaha!) so yesterday my boyfriend bought me a present, a pair of gorgeous snuggly slippers/boots from Next to keep my tootsies warm. How cute is he! I love them. I am hoping they're okay as I heard there was some red wine spillage last night in their vicinity, but I haven't checked yet 'cos I'm playing wage slave. I'll post a pic later, because I'm that sad. (Update: there were a few splashes, but they cleaned up real purdy!)

I've put some leave request forms in so I'm hoping I get them before I put another cheeky request in for a week off in October. We're hoping to skip over to France for a few days, if Boyf gets time off work. And that's a big IF. Fingers crossed!

As for today, I have mostly: been using Powerpoint and the laminating machine. Excitement!

PS Potter gets my sense of humour. I made him belly laugh. 10 points.

Holy Crap, Lions!

'Sup people. Today we wrapped our work day up with bottles of Bucks Fizz, strawberries and scones. Ribbit drank about six glasses, and Jojo got her digital camera out, which was not good. She has lots of pics of Potter with his hands over his face now. This was a special 'treat' for some hard work that's been put in recently on a big book move. What we all secretly wanted to say was, "Can't you just hand us a strawberry on the way out and let us go early?" I sat next to the newest addition to the team, who is above us but seems really nice. Next week I start doing some late nights.

Last weekend was a really good one. Saturday I went shopping and bought Mowgli (the nephew) some cute baby socks and a winter hat and gloves since my niece is pretty sorted for newborn-size clothes. Then we went to see Crash, which was brilliant - one of the best films I've seen for ages. The representation of racism was really compelling; it shows you rather than telling you, so it isn't overly didactic. Because we're so used to getting a politically correct version of things it shocks you when it first starts even though most of us probably hear stuff like that all the time in real life. Boyfriend would've enjoyed it more if some girl wasn't sitting behind him narrating themovie. She also kept laughing at the weirdest parts. Even her boyfriend shushed her at one point :P

Sunday brought a trip to Chester Zoo, which was really fun as I haven't done anything like that with my boyfriend for ages. I've been before when I was a kid and so has he but this was the first time we'd been together. The first thing we saw after we paid in and donated to the Orangutan fund :) was the elephants!

Look how cute the baby elephant is! You can't see in the photo but he's standing next to a big waterfall. From the elephant enclosure we went to see the monkeys, which were springing about all over the place. We got a glimpse of a little tiny baby monkey being cuddled by mummy and daddy monkey too. They were very protective and shoved any other monkeys off the platform when they came near. There were lots of other animals in this part of the zoo to see, including ostriches and zebras, but by far the best thing we did was the Bat house! How cool was this! You enter this building and it's all really dark, you can't see at first where you are going. The first thing we saw was a massive shadow overhead, and looked up to see something the size of a seagull. "That wasn't a real bat!" said the Boyf. But he was wrong. The hugest bats I have ever seen were swooping over our heads, landing on wire type things and walking along them in their own freaky little style. Ace Ventura would've hurled. There were also small bats zipping around us through openings in the mock cave we were walking through, and hanging upside down in the trees. One brushed Boyf's face as we walked around. I wrapped my hair up really tight because that fear of them getting tangled in your hair that's in films? That isn't made up! One of the other best things was the Meerkats. They are so funny looking!

There were lots of them running around, and when two helicopters flew over, they all ran to the top of the hill and watched them. Cute! We saw the rhinos, the penguins and seals swimming around, and a lion having a snooze in the grass. The Jaguar house was cool; they are amazing. We watched one of them dragging what appeared to be a treetrunk around with the minimum of effort. It was so powerful.

We ambled down towards the tiger enclosure, passing the orangutans on the way. There was this one Orangutan just sitting off on the grass in the sun, watching people pass by and shading his face with his hands. It was funny because there were people walking towards us doing exactly the same thing, only they were less hairy :P

There he is, as promised! I'm probably overloading you with info here but it was such a good day out! We are both animal lovers and it was a lovely way to spend a day. We hung around watching one of the baby monkeys feeding and hit the reptile house before going back to see the tiger again. He was practically posing for photographs and was very proud looking. He even roared a few times, if tigers do actually roar :P Then he found a sunny spot and stretched out, rolling around on the grass.

Other highlights include watching a pelican catch a fish, the very gentle looking deers and giraffes, and crawling through some tunnels to look at guinea pig type things. It was a much better day than Monday, which I spent at work and then applying for a job I really want, which took up my whole day. It would be kind of cool to work at the zoo, apart from all the poop! I'm off to get ready for Most Haunted!

To be continued...

As I'm at work I can't update ya'll on the fun of the weekend yet, but you can expect a rave review of Crash (okay maybe not a bona fide review, more of a thumbs up), and pictures of cute animals from my trip to the Zoo! So check back, I promise Orangutans!

Oh, and by the way, last week when putting together information packs for new students, Potter asked whether he had overtaken me or if I'd lapped him... so. hard. not to make a dirty joke! See, I'm resisting.

Stand and Deliver

Even though I have just sent a text to Guillermo bemoaning the compulsory oohing and ahhing girls are compelled to do in the proximity of friends/colleagues' babies (be they admittedly adorable like Lady P's or a screaming harpy), I just have to take time out for a baby blog. I went to see my new baby great-nephew on Sunday and he's sooooo tiny. I held him and there was no weight to him at all. He has blue eyes like my niece's and thick dark hair. My niece sounded amazingly grown up. I went to the hospital with my sister and my nieces, who are all gorgeous and brown after their recent holiday. My sister is so confident driving now (we passed our tests in the same month.) I need to get back in the saddle!

So I'm in the process of applying for a couple of jobs. One of them is part time so if I got it I'd ask to cut my hours down here and do them both. I really like the idea of that because it would shake things up a little and make life more interesting. I also applied for a job I'm not qualified for, but I thought what the hey, you never know your luck. I really, really, really hope I get one of them. Even though I'm only new here and everything and things are about to pick up and get crazy, the idea of working here for a long period of time with nothing new on the horizon depresses me. It's weird because I've always worked towards something, some goal like exams or deadlines or new semesters. I don't like the idea of not having that.

In other news, my dissertation I've been worrying over getting in for this month is apparently due in in February, as I found out after emailing my ever-absent tutor. I hope he's got it right and isn't just being a div. I should probably call someone who knows what they're talking about, but I'm always scared they'll say something along the lines of "muahahahaha now we can charge you more fees!"

Our Survey Says...

Our top totty, assessed, judged, assessed, verified, and assessed some more by the office gurlz:

Eion Bailey

Brandon Flowers

Jake Gyllenhaal

Tall, dark and handsome is the order of the day!

Oprah's book club it aint

Greetings.

The Other New Person at my workplace is in his second week with us now (like my use of 'us'?) The other day he came down in the lift with a trolley, bathed in sweat. There was even a wet patch on the back of his shirt. He asked me where to put the trolley if you hadn't finished unloading it, so I showed him where they went. "Right," he said, "and what if you only get it about half done?" So I gave him the options. "Right," he said, mopping his brow, "And with regards to time...?" The poor love had dashed around trying to get the whole thing done in twenty minutes, hence the perspiring freely. I wonder if I was that industrious when I started?

Can you believe it's September already? Terrifying. Even more so since my dissertation is due. Oh. Fuck.

In my line of work I've come across some books that are guaranteed to put you off your dinner, ones that I have absolutely no wish to ever, ever read. High on this list are the following titles:
The Color Atlas of Intestinal Parasites (yuck), Malignant Disease of the Vulva (ew), and last but by no means least, What doctors don't tell you: the truth about the dangers of modern medicine (mummy!)