You Prob'ly Think This Blog Is About You

Oh my God. I almost didn't post this because I am so embarrassed. But then I realised how shameful all the stuff I've already written is and thought meh, why not? It's not like I have any credibility to salvage at this point.

Today at work, the woman I like to compare to Pete Burns was in for the first time since the Christmas party. I knew if I was going to get any shit about Alfie, it would be from her. But I wasn't quite prepared for the total fabrication she threw in my face when she said, loudly, and in front of everyone, "So, I hear (Alfie) had his hand up your skirt the other night?"

I was mortified. For starters: he so didn't! The most he did was grab my arse. When I denied it she flatly refused to believe me and accused me of going red. She said somebody from another department told her and said: "You do fancy him though don't you? It's well known." I denied this also and asked: have you seen my boyfriend? She agreed he was ten times better looking than Alfie, who she described as a prick. She asked if we snogged and I said "No, and you can ask Lila because she was with us all night." Burnsy asked if we had a threesome.

Oh my God I can't believe they are making shit like that up. I look like a ho :( The thing is, we didn't even snog that night! I kept turning him down! And now this?

I quickly grabbed the 'Muffin for crisis talks. He was appalled on my behalf and said he would try and find out who was saying it. And he reckoned there was no way anyone knew I fancied him from anything but the way we were flirting that night, so it couldn't be 'well known.'

Mortified.

In other news, we have been emailing each other all day. All day. I got the first email at half eight and the last at 4:59. There was a lot so I won't post them all again as I have had a habit of doing lately, sorry. But, here is something that made me laugh.

From: Alfie
Sent: 20 December 2006 08:30
To: Chica
Subject: RE: hello

second week of jan. Gutted!!!

From: Chica
Sent: 20 December 2006 08:59
To: Alfie
Subject: RE: hello

MUAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

Stick that in your cravat and smoke it!

Merry Christmas by the way x

From: Alfie
Sent: 20 December 2006 09:11
To: Chica
Subject: RE: hello

that was the evilest laugh i have ever seen written down.

in fact, quite disturbing

I teased him about being really vain and agreed to hide the awful picture of him so that only my Flickr contacts can see it. Half of the emails are us sending lyrics from Carly Simon's You're So Vain to each other. Funnily enough, he liked the bit about all the girls dreaming they were his partner. He also said he is going to try and rent Alfie tonight because he can't remember how it ends.

I know I'm still rattling on about him but I feel a lot less under the spell funnily enough. I still think about him all the time, but right now I don't feel like I could give the Boyf up for him. I guess my feelings are still confused, but Saturday did effect me a lot and I saw a glimpse of the negative side to being with him. I still really like him, obviously, or I wouldn't be writing these kinds of posts and the emails from him wouldn't make me this happy.

The funny thing about Saturday was that the bit where I shouted at him felt better than the part of the night when we were close. Sure, it was amazing being led away by the hand (I love holding his hand, it gives me a giddy feeling), but when I just got so angry that I didn't care what he thought and gave him a piece of my mind, it was so liberating.

I guess my non-relationships are as screwed up as my actual relationships?