Sorry to cause any alarm with my last couple of posts. I do totally regret doing back to his place. But, the night itself was ruddy fantastic. I had a ball! That's why I'm kicking myself. If I'd ended the night sooner, it would have ended on a high. Rather than ending with a lot of fuss about my whereabouts and smudged mascara.
And although I do regret going back to his, even that wasn't catastrophic. It was amazing lying in his arms. I was being a saucy little minx and he loved it. The whispering was really intimate. We had a lot of fun, and it was kind of nice that he didn't want me to leave? He knew he wasn't getting any, and he still wanted me to stay.
I felt really awful yesterday, mostly out of guilt and a kind of horror at my own stupidity. I really don't know what's going on with Alfie or what will happen next. I'll see him next weekend at the Christmas party. He was texting me yesterday. He's split with "Sarah". He said I should leave the Boyf (but not for him.) I really don't know what I want any more. I'm kind of besotted with Alfie against all reason. The more I get to know him... it's not that I don't like what I get to know, but I can't help comparing him to the Boyf. And the Boyf wins out on everything. So why am I still hooked on Alfie? It's like I'm on some self destructive mission or something. This cannot end happily. Can it?
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