Girlfriend in a Coma

Hmmm... recent happenings have led me to wonder what the Hell is going on with me, and if I am in fact losing my proverbial marbles. I sat down and discussed this with my good friend MJ, who holds my hand and walks me through any crisis I may face.

Now, MJ knows me very well, and he loves me. I know he would always support and defend me, and that anything Alfie did that MJ considered to be disrespectful would never be taken lightly by him. So, after I'd given him the totally uncensored version of Friday night's events, I braced myself for an onslaught of verbal Alfie bashing and some tsk tsking of my own.

Instead, MJ said: "God, you know, you're really cute when you're drunk. You say the funniest things. I bet he found you adorable. And you were a kinky little mare, I bet he loved it! I'm surprised he didn't come in his pants!" (I'd like to add as an aside that Alfie possesses a mirror in his bedroom. Me drunk is not cute. Nor is me hungover!)

I was shocked and looked at him aghast. "MJ," I said, "I know you're the last person who would judge me. But c'mon. It's looking pretty dire don't you think?"

MJ looked at me with sad eyes and put a hand on my knee. "Hun," he said, "I know it's not the PC answer. But you're alive and young and yes you're probably making some mistakes. But isn't that great?"

Is that great? I don't know. When I was younger I used to think that all I wanted to do was lead the best, most 'pure' life I could lead, to not hurt anyone, to always do the right thing. In recent months I've been making rash decisions, acting irresponsibly; there was a time, not so long ago, that I would have been very, very careful about not getting drunk on the date. I hardly ever drink. These past few drinking stories I've posted? They're the only ones I have. Apart from when I was about five and drank some wine in my grandmother's and danced naked under a lamp, so I'm obviously naturally inclined towards exhibitionism while under the influence...

But I suppose there is a grain of truth in what MJ is saying. I may be acting really stupid. I may be up and down like a yoyo emotionally over the Alfie stuff. But I feel like I haven't felt in years... I may be making rash decisions, and I'll probably get hurt as a result of them, but at least I am making some at last, instead of just letting life pass me by. And I know I'm going about things completely the wrong way, and I need to work on that. Because I am making a mess of things. But sometimes life gets messy.

MJ also had this to say: "I've finally done it! I've turned you into a gay man!"