Okay. I emailed Alfie today. It didn't go terribly well. It didn't go terribly either. But still. As I said about Mybug, you can tell if somebody actually likes you. And I'm not prepared to chase Alfie if he isn't going to chase me any more. I've got more than I thought I would out of it. Now I need to move on. It's going to be really fucking hard because, well, admittedly, and blatantly, I've fallen for him and idolise him to an unhealthy degree. In my eyes, he does no wrong, even when he is being a wanker, I find him charming. But I am through with making a fool of myself. If I do go to the party, I will make it my business to chat to everyone else all night, and have a good time, and even if I can't stop thinking about him, I won't let it show. And if I don't get to go to the party, well maybe at this stage that's a good thing.
God it is all very depressing.
So. What I need to do now is retrain my brain. I need to focus on all his annoying habits. And all of Boyfy's wonderful traits. Which seems pretty pointless right now because I already know them all and I want to be with Alfie despite them. Okay, I need to break this down. Being with Alfie would SUCK. I am not going to change him. He does not want a relationship. He cheats (pot calling kettle!) He blows hot and cold. He's a cocky fuck. He has disrespected me on more than one occasion. He has a massive ego. I would hardly see him. He would never be there for me. And sure, he's exciting. And we'd have fun. But pretty soon, it would have to get boring. The novelty would wear off. And if he's this lazy about things now, when it is all exciting, then imagine him then.
See, I don't think he's actually interested in me. I think he's just taking advantage of the fact that I like him.
Okay. It's got to stop. I'm not saying you will never hear another word about him from me again. Or that it will be easy. But, in the words of the All Saints girls:
Ain't got time for your dirty little games, no
Don't wanna be a part of your whole grubby freak show,
Stay away, stay away, go go
Cos you're too nasty, oh oh.
How shortlived do you reckon this epiphany is going to be then?
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2 comments:
Alfie is classic CLASSIC Treat You Mean Keep You Keen. I know you don't want to play games. But you're going to have to if you want to counter this. Stop what you are doing. Back away. He'll step up.
Also, I seriously believe he is embarrassed about his behaviour when you got back to his. And he should be. Need to think of a way to maximise on this...
And his behaviour was way way way too nasty! Take me to the Christmas party and if he's a dick I'll flush his head down the loo? x
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