Cheating by Nietzsche

What better way to illustrate my decline as an ethical human being than with a quote from Sex and the City?

Carrie: Well, I think maybe there's a cheating curve. That someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.

Miranda: That's moral relativism!

Carrie: I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating.

Dear Diary of Dastardly Deception,

Okay. I'm in a bit of a bind. Should I take the Boyf to the Office Christmas Party or not? Due to the lip, and the cold shoulder I think I'm being given, nothing is going to happen with Alfie anyway, oh and then there's also the fact of the fifty or so witnesses, including my boss. Plus, I'm a bit nervous about going in and not finding anyone I know, and fretting relentlessly about whether Alfie is ignoring me all night.

I must admit that my prime consideration here is Alfie's reaction. Will he a) put on a front like he couldn't care less but secretly be jealous, b) think I'm pathetic for trying to make him jealous, c) actually feel quite relieved, or d) all of the above?

Taking Boyf would put the brakes on all possibility of flirting, and probably even talking. This could be the last time I ever see Alfie. But. Should I stick two fingers up to that fact, and in doing so, play a better game for the long term? If he's expecting some nookie at the end of the night (I don't know what the hell he's thinking at this point) and I turn up with my boyfriend, maybe it will prompt him to ask me out again? Or maybe it will prompt him to wipe his hands of the whole affair?

It's a risky strategy in so many ways. I would have to prime Lila and give her some story so that she would back me up if Boyf mentioned last Friday. She's not exactly the most discreet person in the world. But there would be something quite soothing about there being no possibility of Alfie making a drunken pass at me. Although, maybe it would be better if he did make the pass and I got to knock him back?

If I turned up with Boyf, the one reaction I know I can count on in Alfie is competitiveness. Not jealousy, but more of an ego thing. Boyf is infinitely hotter than Alfie. And I know the girls will talk about how handsome he is. I suppose it's a kind of proximity scale of attractiveness. Eek. I'm talking about Boyf like he is a handbag; having him on my arm would make me more desirable.

Shit. I do not like the way I am talking. This is Boyf. I need to check my motives at the door and think about what's best for him. I might not be able to help my feelings for Alfie, but I can treat the Boyf with a bit more respect than this and stop being such a scheming cow. In the words of Meredith Brooks: I'm a bitch.

Slapping my own wrists,

Chica x