Nightmare Before Christmas

As you are probably aware, since it's all I've rambled on about for the last several hundred posts, yesterday was the Christmas party. There are some pics up on Flickr, but more to follow on Monday after I've swapped with 'Muffin. Wondy - the cravat trend continues!

Well. Well, well. Where do I fucking start?

I'll skip all the introduction. Most people have probably experienced the office party and know all about how crap they generally are until people are hammered and start copping off in broom cupboards etc. Imagine the first two hours of your own office party and then situate it in a trendy club. The usual suspects leave early. The quiet girl gets drunk really quickly and dances ludicrously but enthusiastically. There is small talk, and that one person who can't resist talking about work. We all compliment each others' outfits. Blah de blah. Let's get to Alfie.

I noticed him as soon as I walked in, but me and 'Muffin stayed at the other end of the bar. He came over, kissed me on the cheek and was instantly flirtatious. I ignored it and talked to Lila. I mingled for a bit with other people but Alfie kept coming over. He told me I looked nice and stroked my hair in front of Jojo. I teased him about the cravat and he said it was an extra layer for me to take off later. He told me I looked very elegant. I pointed out the shoes. He said, "I noticed. I'll let you leave them on." When I was dancing with the girls he came over and was trying to feel my arse. I moved and danced next to Ozzie.

Later in the night we commandeered one of the booths. Alfie was flitting here there and everywhere, since as he told me, he knows everyone. He brought his friend Alex over and reintroduced us. He started asking me to go back to his place. I told him it wasn't going to happen. He was like, "You're blowing me out? You only get one chance. I don't respond well to that." Then he started telling me what he wanted to do to me. I told him a man can dream. He said, "Oh no, you can't play hard to get with me." This was all in stolen snatches of conversation because at this point I was still trying to be discreet.

I danced with the girls a lot and Alfie joined us a few times. At one point we were kind of tucked into a corner and he told me that he really enjoyed last week, but felt shit afterwards because of the Boyf. I agreed and said I could do something about that though. He asked me what I could do, but I realised what a stupid thing that was to say and just laughed. He had his arm around me and his hand on my arse as we were talking to people. Lila came over and asked me what was going on with us. She's witnessed stuff before so I just laid my cards out on the table and told her that yeah I liked him but he just wanted a shag and that wasn't going to happen. She said she thought he liked me and wasn't only after a shag. I said, well I have a boyfriend anyway. Alfie came over and asked me to follow him. I leaned over and told 'Muffin I was disappearing for a bit and followed Alfie to the VIP area. We had a dance and he sang really badly in my ear. He was on at me to go back to his again, saying we could leave now and he'd call me a taxi at four. I just shook my head at him and kept dancing, then his mate called him to get him in so I was saved by the bell.

When I rejoined the table, loads of people had left. I sat with Lila until she lit up a cigar and set off the fire alarm. Surprisingly, nothing happened and eventually it went off. Alfie came back and wanted to know why I wouldn't leave with him. I told him I wasn't that sort of girl and that I was worth the wait, as he should know. He said how was he meant to know and he'd waited long enough and then he walked off! I must've looked like I'd been smacked in the face because 'Muffin came over and asked me if I was okay. I went and sat back with Lila and considered ringing Boyf and going home there and then. 'Muffin asked me not to go and I got up and danced with him and his mate for a bit. Then I felt a hand on my arm and Alfie pulled me away from them and into a queue. He smuggled me and his mate downstairs into another VIP (VVIP I guess?) room and his mate bought me a drink. I tried to chat to his mate for a bit. He seems a lot more down to earth than Alfie and we struck up a bit of banter.

Alfie dragged us off to a seated area and then played out all his cool shit, generally posing and being annoying. He bugged me about going back to his some more and I told him I couldn't get away with it again. He said this was the perfect and last opportunity. I asked him what he meant by that. He was like, it's the Christmas party, when else have you got such a good excuse? (Yeah, I can see he feels really bad about Boyf!) I said, what do you want? He gave me the sexy look. "One night stand?" I asked. He said, "No. And besides, this is the second night." I asked him what he wants again and he said, "You know I don't want a big long term relationship. I want some fun." Then Lila landed in the seat next to me and I gave her a hug and said, "Save me!"

Alfie started trying to kiss me and I pulled away. "What's that about?" he asked. (For those wondering, the lip is back to normal but I still wasn't going to kiss the guy on the mouth so soon.) I leaned in and kissed his neck and slipped my hand inside his shirt. Then I pulled away and when I turned around Lila and Alex were watching us. I noticed the sash on my dress was undone and asked Lila to tie it. As she was doing it, Alfie slipped his hand right down the back of my dress and pushed his fingers under the top of my underwear. I wriggled away and Lila was laughing.

It quickly became apparent that Lila was utterly wrecked. I took her to the toilets and she was in there for about twenty minutes. When we resurfaced, Alfie was at the bar and I went and danced with him for a bit. He slipped his hand down the back of my dress a little again and said, "Aren't you wearing a bra?" Then started saying how I would be naked later except for the shoes. When I disagreed he tried to negotiate for the shoes and the underwear. He was asking if I'd chosen my underwear especially for him and I said no and just shook my head at him. I could tell he was getting annoyed because I wasn't giving him the reaction he wanted, but he was making me feel really cheap and there was no way I was going to go home with him no matter how much I like him.

I was starting to worry about Lila and Alex was moving in on her. I told her it was time to go home but she wasn't having any of it. Eventually I got her to sit down and she started texting her mates so I thought she was okay. I noticed Alfie talking to some girl as I was trying to sort Lila out. When I'd got her settled, he'd stopped so I went over and stood with him and his mate. His mate started chatting about Alfie, bigging him up, and Alfie was like, "I can hear every word!" Then the girl started talking to him again so I danced with the mate for a bit. His mate was like "Let's groove!" I liked him, he was really funny. I leaned over to check on Lila and the mate said to me, "It's okay he hasn't gone far, I'm not going to try anything." I told him I was worried about Lila and he told me not to. I noticed the girl had hold of Alfie's phone. His mate said to me, "Go and get a grip of your fella and tell him to stop being such a dickhead," I told him he wasn't my fella. He said, "I know but he came here with you tonight and now he's flirting with some girl right in front of your face. The disrespect! How disrespectful is that?" I was like, shit. Alfie is always talking to girls when we are out because he has a lot of female friends and I didn't want to presume anything about him talking to this girl. But when his mate said that to me I felt like a complete fool. "Where are you from?" he asked me, and I told him. "Bloody hell," he said, "You're from there and you're letting him get away with that?! How have you survived?" I thought about telling him I had a boyfriend so I could hardly talk, but instead I said: "You're right, I'm leaving." His mate panicked and told me not to leave because of what he'd said. I told him I had to take Lila home.

I went to check on Lila and she was semi-conscious and the contents of her handbag were on the floor. I picked up all her stuff, pulled the hair back from her face and told her I was taking her home. I rang the Boyf and asked him to come get us. It was three thirty and the club was closing. Alfie was still talking to the girl, calling her "Hell's Bells" (she was called Helen which is his best mates name and he calls her that), who looked like one of the blonde Bratz can I just add, and I was trying to fasten Lila's shoes. (Okay yes I am fucking jealous, I readily admit it, but I think I had good reason!) I think they must have asked Alfie to go somewhere and he said no, he was with some girls from work and he gestured towards us. One of the girls really bitchily said, "Oh yeah, they look like nice girls," in this sarcastic, catty tone. I glanced up and gave them a dirty look. At this point I was losing my rag. Alfie had been an arse all night, I was left looking after Lila while he moved on to some tramp, and even his mates were practically telling me to get some self respect. The girls laughed and walked off and the bar staff were ushering everyone out. I stood up and shouted, "Your mate is a fucking bitch!" (I kind of slipped on the whole channeling Elizabeth Bennet at this point, but how great would it be if she'd said that in P&P?!) Alfie looked really shocked. I got Lila standing up but she fell back down and pulled me with her. Alfie said he'd get her and propped her up. He asked me what was up and I think I may have told him to fuck off, either that or just by my face he could tell I was pissed off because I heard him go: "Whoa!"

We got outside and we were both holding Lila up. He was asking me if I was okay and I told him I was fine. He asked me why I was being weird and I told him I wasn't being weird. He said I was obviously being weird with him and I said, "Why, cos I'm not kissing your arse?" He was like, fucking hell. He asked Alex to take Lila home and I put my foot down and said no. He said he'd go with them (where that left me I don't know) but I told him it was okay, to just wait with us for ten minutes and Boyf would take us home. He sneered, "Boyf to the rescue is it?"

The wait outside is a little bit jumbled because I was angry and Lila was being difficult. I remember telling Alex to leave her alone. I said I was freezing and pressed myself into Lila, who I was still holding upright. Alfie pressed himself against me and kissed my shoulder. Alex wanted to leave and was asking Alfie why they were staying. I told him he was being a gentleman. Alfie said, "Chica's boyfriend is coming to get them." I can't remember how it came about but Alfie was saying something about Boyf and I said, "Why, are you jealous?" and he thought about it for a second, looked right at me and said, "Yes." I told him he didn't have to be. He said, but you're going home with him and not me. Somehow, I told him I didn't want to end up with nothing. He said he couldn't promise me anything and that he'd said from the beginning that he didn't want a long term girlfriend. I said I knew that, but I was worth more than just a shag. (This is while we are holding Lila up between us by the arms!) He said he knew that and he'd said that from the beginning to me too. I told him he had never said anything like that to me. He made a noise like he was frustrated. His mate started causing trouble so he went to sort that out. Boyf arrived and pulled up down the street. I carefully led Lila to the car, grabbing Alfie's arm on the way and telling him we were leaving. Lila tried to get in the car from the wrong side. I managed to lever her in and thanked the Boyf for coming to get us.

During the drive to Lila's, I held her hand and tried to keep her talking. She seemed a little better and was thanking Boyf for taking her home. I told her he did this every night of the week. I was so glad to see him. Alfie text me to say that he had Lila's mobile phone. When we got to her house, I took her inside. When I was pulling her out of the car, she bit into my arm. Then I had to stand with her outside her house while she repeatedly apologised and hugged me. She couldn't put the key in the door. I got her a glass of water and put it next to her bed. I left her a note telling her that Alfie had her phone. I had to stop her wandering out into the hall.

When I got home, I had messages from Alfie. I apologised if I was weird. He said I was weird towards the end of the night but nevermind. I text back: I see your non-committal message and raise you an Alfie shrug, because he had been shrugging at me every time I rejected him and when I told him it was his loss. In the end I couldn't be bothered replying to his messages and just went to sleep.

Another huge post, sorry! I should post these in installments...

Anyway, this morning he text me asking how I was and everything. I rehashed things with 'Muffin whose conclusion is as follows:

Chica: if Alfie asks what was wrong again I'm gonna tell him he made me feel cheap
'Muffin: if he makes u feel like that why do you want him
'Muffin: he should be treating you like a princess
'Muffin: I'd give my bloody book collection away for a girl like u!

What happens next is anyones guess. But I'm thinking it should involve kicking and kerbs.