Away with the Fairies

I have just received a text message from my Uncle Yank. Yank is a strange case for an Uncle in that he is only two years older than my eldest sister and he lived with us for about four years with his then-girlfriend, now-wife, Li. We were once quite close and I had a real fondness for him, but we had this really bad argument one day that permanently shattered any bond we had. If you've not noticed, I'm kind of big on the whole earth-shattering ruptures with people. I don't know why, it's not like I look for it. I guess I'm kind of stubborn but I like to think I'm quite forgiving. My mum says I get it from my paternal grandfather, but since I totally adored him I can't help but take this as a compliment.

But I digress. It's not that there's this rift between Yank and I anymore, we get along fine but there's just no real closeness there. He actually kind of reminds me of Alfie in some ways... that's a bit worrying! Anyway, every now and then Yank will send me a joke via text like the one I forwarded to Alfie the first ever time I text him - the night I got totally hammered because of the adrenalin rush I had when he text me back. A couple of weeks ago, Yank sent me another joke. Now I normally never bother forwarding stuff like that on, but I considered sending it to Alfie because he liked the first one and well, any old excuse to text him really. But I didn't because I felt awkward about contacting him and wanted him to contact me first. Basically I didn't want to look like a saddo using any reason I could grasp hold of to speak to him again... Ahem.

But this joke? This joke I certainly could not send to Alfie right now without looking like a bunny boiler.

A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish. "I want to travel around the world with my darling husband," said the wife. Two tickets for a luxury cruise magically appeared in her hand. The husband said: "Sorry love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92. Moral of the story: men who are ungrateful bastards should remember - fairies are fucking female.

As an aside, and on the subject of veering into stalker (were we?), I have worked out that Alfie's birthday is between now and the end of the month. How? Because his birthday is in January, and I know he's an Aquarius. The sign of Aquarius comes into play on the 20th of January. I swear I don't read his stars, I was reading 'Muffin's! You can start making that cuckoo noise now...