Well Played

So, I read that email about forty times yesterday and am going to try to avoid doing so in the future. I have lots of mixed feelings about it as I'm sure you can imagine. Mostly, I feel like a fool. But Chica is going to pick herself up and dust herself off and talk in the third person as many times as she has to. It's difficult for me to take the moral high ground over this because of what I was willing to do to somebody I love. I can't exactly harp on about betrayal and trust and treating people right now, can I? But I was always honest with Alfie and he knew what I was risking. It should come as no surprise that I meant so little to him, but even 'Muffin reacted with shock at just how bad the email was. I could tell he immediately regretted calling me over as he opened it. I think it's really mean of Alfie to put 'Muffin in that position too as he knows how close we are.

There really aren't any words to explain this mess away. There are lots of words to try and explain it, and I've probably ran through about half of them in my mind since about this time yesterday. But what is the point? I've done the "But he was seeing ME in December!" and the "So much for not wanting a girlfriend!" and it doesn't change my predicament. He was still flirting and doing all the "Alfie" crap in the emails he sent me on Friday, but there's no use wondering why. I don't know if I wish he hadn't contacted me at all (I was actually getting somewhere with the getting over him, finally) or if it's a good thing he's made it so clear what a twat he is.

I'm a stupid, stupid girl.