Charm Offensive

Chica: You've got a spring in your step today!
'Muffin: I have!
Chica: I think I've got a spring in my knickers.
'Muffin: I'd have thought it was more of a torrent.

Crude, but funny.

'Muffin was a little ray of sunshine today, and I have to say I now measure a true friendship by the lengths to which someone will go so that you can perv on the object of your affection! He ran down from the second floor to let me know that Himself had come in to work the afternoon, told me I looked lovely when I was standing next to him, made Himself stand up and give us a twirl in his v. expensive outfit (£300 pound on the shoes alone!) - enabling much ogling from me - and stood chatting so that I could get a final glance of his sexy bum before the drought of the weekend. He actually said: "Turn round this way so you can get a look at him!"

This man understands me.

Discussing 'Muffin's belly - which he describes as podgy - in the Staff Room, I told him he was more self conscious than he needed to be, and Himself made him stand up and told him to lift up his top. 'Muffin objected, and was on his way out when Himself looked at me and with a cheeky grin said "[My real name,] lift up your top!" 'Muffin pretended he was suddenly interested and ran back in the room. I think I actually managed not to blush, but it was hardly a charm offensive eh!