Toxic

Did I mention that Julie is an air hostess? This is what Alfie calls her; I'd say flight attendant. A couple of my friends have this theory that he's attracted to the glamourous image they have. He's a total status freak: the places he goes, the clothes he wears, and he schmoozes with all the right people at work. I do think he'd get a little kick out of it. If he had a secretary, he'd be shagging her. Even 'Muffin said he needs to be careful before he becomes a caricature of himself.

The email really hurt my feelings but his callousness also killed off any desire I had to be with him. I would never go there now even if I could because I've seen how he is capable of treating me. So maybe he did me the biggest favour of my life, in hindsight. I still have some feelings for him obviously, I can't turn them off like a light switch. But I'm getting to grips with the idea that he really is bad news and nothing I do can change that.

I also have a little theory about the way I felt about him which I am going to investigate further. Don't worry, it's nothing to do with him, it's about me and without wanting to sound overly dramatic, it's something I'm going to see my doctor about. The intensity of my feelings for a complete and obvious bastard isn't the only out-of-character thing I've been noticing lately. I've developed a couple more symptoms over the past month especially that I am worried about. I don't think it's anything serious and I think it is treatable. I suspected something like this a while go but I thought I was being silly or clutching at straws to explain away what I was feeling. I don't want to say too much because I don't want to sound like a hypochondriac. In a way it would be good if I got a diagnosis but it would also be a bit scary. I'd rather be an idiot when it comes to men than have a bona fide medical predisposition for catastrophic affairs! I'm joking about that last part! All will become clear.