I realised today that at 24, I am the same age my sister was when she married her late husband. That's a little frightening, since I remember the wedding like it was yesterday. And I was only 14. Teenage years are notoriously slow. In the blink of an eye, I'll be 34, the age my sister is now... no wait, she was 35 last month. (I have two sisters. The other is 36. If I mention my sister, it's usually the eldest one I'm talking about, since we are closer.) I thought: I really need to get out there and get happy. I don't have months to waste on Alfie. I need to start thinking about me again, not what he wants or what would make me more appealing to him, or any man for that matter. I don't mean that like, I'm going to do anything I want and not think about consequences (so over that!) I just mean, I think I need to find myself again, but not in an introspective, think about all my mistakes in order to learn from them kind of way. I mean, in a getting my hands dirty and keeping busy kind of way, until the months pass and all of a sudden: poof, I'm a new me. I've done enough brooding and it can't hurt to try it this way, right?
By the way, I want you all to know that I do recognise that I deserve this. I'm not just thinking 'poor me, bad, bad Alfie.' This is my fault, my mess, and my karma. You can't argue with karma.
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3 comments:
Nonsense Chica. You're a wonderful woman and you don't DESERVE to be feeling all crap. You DO however deserve to do just what you've said. Get out there. Find YOU. Be happy no matter what, and I mean really, really happy not just content.
What you really deserve is a wonderful life with someone who treats you like a princess. You deserve to be happy and busy and loved beyond compare. And you will be. You'll find all of that if you can just concentrate on YOU for a while.
Ditto, what H said - he's an ass, fullstop.
And I want to kill him for you!
Agreed that you need to think of yourself now though - totally here for you and with you on that one, babe x x
Thanks a million girls. Who thinks Heather should be a full time motivational speaker? You've both been brilliant through all of this, so I really do mean it when I say thank you.
I still think I deserve it though, it's total poetic justice. I just have to try and make things better somehow.
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