Smile

Whoa, I actually feel happy and cheerful right now, WTF? Someone press a cold flannel to my unfurrowed brow, stat. I was merrily listening to Lily Allen and chatting to 'Muffin last night when I noticed something was different. It feels good.

Yesterday noon, I hopped on the bus and rode it into town. I was due to meet Dedalus for milkshakes at 3 o'clock, but I had some time to kill before then and, well... I was a little bit naughty. Naughty, but nice! Could these be the source of such contentment?

Oh yes, my friends. I'm back!

With a vengeance!

Dedalus actually went with me while I tried the heels, and we browsed the shelves of Waterstones together too. It was nice book shopping with a boy. He bought trashy thrillers and has read everything by Dan Brown, but still. I like the Black Eyed Peas, how can I possibly judge? I managed to resist buying any books, which was a small victory for my bank balance. Patrick Suskind's Perfume was even in the 3 for 2 offer! Dedalus says he's never seen me happier than when I was buying shoes. I should always be shoe shopping.

We talked about American politics, jobs, and um, Top Gear, over our shakes and then walked aimlessly around town chatting. Well, truth be known the aim was the find a movie to watch but neither cinema had anything much going for it so we bid farewell and took a rain check on the movie. While we were walking, he asked me about a comment I'd made about not wanting to lead him on because I knew how it felt and it wasn't nice. (Yeah, I'm this subtle in real life too!) I told him a little bit about Alfie - the bite size version. The simplicity of the bite size version was actually kind of good to hear - it all sounded much more manageable and, I don't know, everyday. I wrapped it up with: "Anyway, he's got a new girlfriend. It's over."

Truth be known, I had a mini-crisis on Friday and almost text Alfie. Nothing heavy, just to see how he is. But I told myself just to wait one more day and then I could text him. But yesterday, I didn't even want to. I was in a good mood and I didn't want to spoil it, and I think I kind of didn't care. Snaps for me! (Or Schnapps, I think I should get Schnapps.)

Anyway, so we had this awkward conversation about the past again which, yes he keeps bringing up but I think we've dealt with it now. I told him I thought he was cheeky to even be bringing stuff like that up because he was out of my life for so long and then he comes back on the scene dragging up ghosts from three years or so before. He agreed. We reached an understanding about the whole leading people on issue, and I told him that I wasn't agreeing to see him for anything like that, but that we were close once and it would be a shame to throw that away. He agreed :P But it was sincere I think, and even though it was a little bit awkward, I feel better about us.

Oh yeah, and then after me explaining some of the Alfie palaver, I asked him why he and his ex really split. He said: "She met someone else, basically."

Doh.

But look again at the boots! How can I feel anything but triumphant? I may even do my happy dance.

Hmmm, one step at a time.