Saturday, May 27, 2006

"Kipper Tie. WHITE!"

Elspeth has left the building!
Our party last night included myself, Weezer, Lila, Hoggle, Pete Burns, P.Diddy, Foot Perv, and many more people I've not thought up pseudonyms for yet. Elspeth did not invite Foot Perv, but he got ready and followed us anyway. This time he didn't stand and watch us all do our make up in the Staff Room though, so maybe he's learning.

We went straight from work (which means no food in my hungry belly!) to Labinskys for cocktails, which is a cheap awful dive in Mathew Street. There were a bunch of Geordie lads on a stag do yelling in there. I assume it was a stag do because one of them was wearing a pink ballerina costume and pink wellington boots, but perhaps that is the usual Friday night attire for him. I had two cocktails to Burns' six plus a glass of wine. Weezer told me all about her break up with icky 70s-thinks-he's-a-pimp. Personally, I think she's had a lucky escape but I didn't tell her that - didn't think actually hun I thought he was a prick would really come across as sympathetic!

Then we walked across town to Jacaranda and it seems Big Brother's Pete has made Tourette's trendy because during the walk Lila explained that she thinks she might have a mild form of it related to her OCD. She then demonstrated this by shouting "Kipper tie. WHITE!" at a bloke walking past us in a black suit and shirt and said white tie, a style I like to refer to as Gareth Gates.

By the time we were finished in Jacaranda, Elspeth was well and truly drunk, explaining how she judged people straight away and always held grudges, and recounting the different ways she had been introduced to us all. (Potter: "He looks weird but he's nice.") On the way to Korova we nipped into Baa Baa for a cheeky Dave, then settled into a booth, where Weezer repeated the story of the offending Mr. Pimp, Lila danced solo at the head of the table, and Elspeth got the worst chat up line in history: how would you rate my jacket out of ten? The rest of the gang had deserted us by this point, so we escaped bad chat up line man and moved out to Heebie Jeebies, while Lila removed the plasters from her feet and stuck them to her face.

We got there, hit the dance floor, fought our way to the bar, then danced some more until Elspeth was looking a bit worse for wear and I rang the Boyf to pick us up. Lila is physically unable to return home on a night out before 5 am, and so Weezer stayed to keep her company. (The real reason for mine and Elspeth's early departure may be explained by our choice of footwear - 3 inch stiletto heels.) On our way to arranged meeting point with Boyf, Elspeth and I were accosted by foreign men asking the nice English girls to show us their 'baps', and a solitary drunk man shouting 'eh girls, eh girls' repeatedly at us from across the road. Ahhh, Friday nights wandering through town without male company, I don't miss it!

When I got home I realised - upon seeing the empty box on my dresser (oh okay, slung on my unmade bed) - that I had lost the gold bracelet my sister gave me when I graduated during the course of the night. I am absolutely gutted and my mum is gonna kill me! But I also had parcels waiting for me, and am delighted to report that I have finally found the perfect pair of skinny jeans! After a worryingly protracted search, the skinnies are mine! Just when fashion mags are saying they're going out of fashion... typical!

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