Want a Man? Get a Dog

Quick update on some of the other, non-Alfie men in my life:

Boyf believes Bertie loves me more than him and is jealous. This is because Bertie cries for me any time I go upstairs, take a shower, or am otherwise engaged, and the only way Boyf could get him to stop was by wrapping him up in a pair of my pyjamas. That's devotion for you.

Bertie has not barked yet, except for in his sleep, when he let out a series of baby yaps followed by an unconvincing growl and twitching paws. He also still makes a sucking noise as if he is feeding from his mum in his sleep. Too adorable.

'Muffin and I have had conflicting schedules over the past couple of weeks and have not had a decent gossip in ages! Is gloating over his swanky new mobile phone and counselling me on the wisdom (like what I did there?) of forwarding my soon-to-be new number on to Alfie.

MJ turned 25 and rather than shagging everything, went home early with his darling boyfriend, Spanky, and admitted he was happy to do so. I'm so proud.

Dedalus and I have not seen each other since the night we went out, despite many invitations and protestations on his part. Accused me of being cold and gets cross if I don't text him back quickly enough. We are in very weird territory indeed.

Have been texting Mybug on and off. Told him he looked good in his uniform, he replied: You'd look good in many uniforms. He called me up for a chat on Monday 'because there was nothing on the telly.' Mentioned seeing me and Dedalus out that Friday, said Dedalus was 'giving him daggers' and 'staring him out'. Also said I looked really drunk. Cheers, love.

Guillermo (sort of in my life?) is now a fully fledged grown up and is buying a flat! What what!

My lovely Dad is 52 today! Ordered him a special edition DVD of The Producers but it has not yet arrived. I predict that he will celebrate tonight by watching the Comic Relief does Fame Academy final. He loves him some reality shows.

Latest text from Yank: Good looks catch the eyes but good personality catches hearts. You're blessed with both! FLATTERED? Don't be, it was sent to me, I just wanted you to read it!