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As my dear friend 'Muffin, confidante to the stars, Lord of the book stamp, apostle of the apostrophe (read on, all will become clear), has been too busy to update his blog lately, I thought I should do my bit to spread some of his pearls of wisdom, a sort of blogging PA if you will. Although it is obviously no substitute for the lessons and insights the wise one offers from betwixt his own fair lips, here are the highlights of our latest MSN conversation.

On the 'What I'm Listening To' function and appropriate music

Rewind - Paolo Nutini - Chica

'Muffin says: Stop listening to Paolo Nutini!!!!!!
Chica says: hahaha
'M: You (Alfie) lover!!
C: It's the CD (he made me), I found it!!!
'M: OK well what do u think of this one......

Do Ya Think I'm Sexy - Rod Stewart - 'Muffin

On driving etiquette

Chica says: It's a nice day isn't it?
Chica says: Was it nice being out in ur car on a day like this?
'Muffin says: Yeah it was actually
'M: Had my shades on! lol
C: hehehe
C: Cruising for chicks
'M: Not in a Rover love!
C: lol
C: Why not, nobby does it in a fucking Megane

On discovering we have the same phone and the importance of grammar

'Muffin says: Have u got the Houses of Parliament as your screen saver on it?
Chica says: I found the apostrophe!!!
C: No, cherries
'M: WHERE????
'M: TELL ME!!!
C: When ur writing a text, hold down the hash key and it brings up all the shortcuts, u have to move the arrow to the right one, and then I think you press 5
'M: Aaahh hold on I'll just get my phone
C: I nearly put in my msg 'notice the apostrophe ('Muffin)' but I sent it to everyone so thought they'd all think we were weird
'M: I HAVENT GOT ONE!!!
C: Are you sure??
'M: Found it!
C: See - I complete you!! lol
'M: Have u got the msg?
C: No my battery's dying and it wont let me view my msgs
'M: I've sent u an apostrophe

On pet ownership

Chica says: I cant wait to take him to the park, I'm going to put him in the basket on the front of my bike and then when we get there he won't be too tired
'Muffin says: Bloody hell it's Dorothy and Toto

On how to get over a broken heart

'Muffin says: Snap out of it
'Muffn says: Look at the lovely day
Chica says: I'm not down about it, I've just accepted that I'm stuck on him but nothing's gonna happen
'M: U should be out playing with little Bertie and giving Boyf a BJ in the garden or something
C: LOL
C: Boyf's in work, and I've got a cold so I can't breathe through my nose!
'M: HAHAHAHAHAHA
C: I'm so blogging that