Take the Box

Attention: this post contains excessive swearing and maudlin but slightly frantic observations which some readers may find offensive.

As we all know by now I am an obsessive freak, and yes, the Friday 13th encounter with Shit Brick... I mean Alfie, has been playing over in my head at regular intervals throughout the weekend (although I do have to admit, I got quite heavily embroiled in correcting the footnotes for my dissertation and his existence seemed a little less important than going through each fucking footnote checking comma placement between about 1 am and 4 am this morning.)

But the possibility that I may miss the deadline for my dissertation submission has not stopped me from thinking about the things I should have said or done differently when we bumped into each other. I'm not really sure why, as the harder I try with this stuff the more I seem to lose. Still, I find myself questioning the way I handled the situation. Surely, there were better things I could have said or done. So far, I've come up with the following:

a) "You have custody of Victoria Street, this corner's mine, it has all the shoe shops, damn it!"

b) "What the fuck are you wearing?" (Admittedly, not big or clever but HELLO this was the one thing that was begging to be uttered, or perhaps bellowed from the other side of the street)

c) "Who's your friend? He's hot!" (Not big or clever but, I'm assured, effective)

d) Said nothing, just turned to my sister, then both started laughing and pointing (I'm really not very big or very clever...)

e) Ran over to him, slapped him on the head and shouted "FOD-NEY!" (Casual violence coupled with devastating insult = satisfying in the extreme)

Or finally f) All of the above.

Any other suggestions? I take requests.

Apart from that, I have had Amy Winehouse's Take the Box on repeat, and her voice at the end of the song is so beautiful and drenched in sincerity; it makes me want to cry.

May I also just admit that when I got home on Friday I dug out my old phone and switched it on just in case (it's my old number and it has all kinds of messages off him saved on it. He has my new number but I figure he probably just deleted it.) I confessed this to my sister earlier and she laughed at me and asked me if I'd also checked my emails, I was like, "Of course, I check my work email from home every day!"

Just in case.

I spend so much time fantasising about running into him and then when I actually do I can't handle it and can't get away from the man quickly enough.

I'm not normal. I don't care that he looked crap. I don't care that he's a twat. I just want the fucker to want me. And he doesn't.

It kind of sucks.