Confessions of a Telly Addict

Day One of my weekend of freedom and I spent it eating, drinking, and merrily shopping in town. I've bought a pair of pink sunglasses, an Alice band, a pair of cute pumps which I envision wearing for bike rides through the French countryside (get me!), and a dress I need to take back because it makes me look pregnant. It's gathered underneath the bust and then it just drops straight like a shapeless curtain from a seventies caravan (it bears a floral pattern.) Sometimes I get home and I'm just agog - what was I thinking? I went for an outfit for Sunday and got nothing even vaguely suitable of course. And I still haven't found any red shoes I like! They seem to be everywhere too but they're all just wrong.

It was a really nice day so we went to Concert Square, hoping to sit outside and enjoy the waning sun, but it was really crowded and we had to sit inside at Modo's. I had a couple of Long Cosmopolitans. We went to a few more bars and then had an Italian and caught a taxi home just in time for Green Wing! Um, not on purpose or anything of course...

Changing your route to work can make life more interesting!

Oh but I do have to complain about one teeny thing and that is getting rudely awoken at eight in the morning when I've looked forward to a sleep in all week and not having to set my alarm. Instead of the local radio station blaring at me from somewhere to my right I had Boyf's phone going off and him YELLING down the phone in bed next to me as if he was calling long distance and using two old tin cans and a bit of string to do so, the nob! I don't know, men eh? Can't live with them, can't beat them with a stick.

Ooh, which reminds me to confide that I've become completely hooked on yet another trashy reality show - Beauty and the Geek (UK version). It showed on E4 a while ago and I was like, "Oh for Pete's sake, I won't be watching that load of drivel!" Then I accidentally watched an episode when they repeated it on Channel 4 and loved it. It's nearly finished now so I can safely tell you all about it without fearing an Intervention. In tonight's episode they faced a challenge to test their common sense and initiative. The challenge took them out of the mansion where the show is filmed on a hike around the grounds (Essex girl Sam, sulkily stomping along: "If I wanted to walk I'd be a fucking rambler.") One of the tests was getting a key out of a block of ice. There were various instruments available for them to do this but they had to choose one method and stick to it. The first couple decided to pick up the kettle and the ice and go all the way back to the house with it. The second couple built a fire and melted the block on top of it. On the third couple's turn, former child prodigy Ed stood for a while analysing the ice block and the items scattered on the ground - kettle, blow torch, matches etc. - until former prettiest-girl-in-her-school Sam got fed up and took charge: "Why don't we just fro it?" she suggested, and they did and won :) The bloke from Peep Show does the voiceover for it, which lends it just the right amount of sarcasm and self-mockery, and gives me a semi plausible excuse for liking it :P

I'm totally bigging up Channel 4 on this blog aren't I? ...Did I just say big up?

"I am quick: I play netball."

Some could mistake our Staff Room for Play School when all the interesting people are in there at once. Here is a conversation that took place yesterday as Sassy held an orange creme to ransom.

Crunchie: Hey - that was mine, it was on my leg!
Sassy: That means I can pull it off, it's anyone's, they're the rules.
Crunchie: If I leave something else on my leg will you pull that off?
Sassy: Not tonight love. Okay then, I'll just leave it on my leg and see who gets it - but I am quick: I play netball.

Potter thanked us for his leaving pressies with a box of Heroes and a tin of Quality Street. They were here on Monday. The scramble for the last ones took place on Wednesday afternoon. We're a bunch of gannets!

On the subject of subjects

Earlier this week (um, yesterday - it seems later than Tuesday!), Wondy posted a contender for the most boring e-mail in the history of the cosmos. However, I would just like to share my plight with you, gentle reader. Day after day I am forced to read variations on the same dull-as-ditchwater sentence in the morning news bulletin:

From: (P. Diddy)
Sent: Mon 27/02/2006 10:24
To: (Chica et al)
Subject: Photocopiers

Dear all,

Today's photocopier news on behalf of (Elspeth). One of the photocopiers on the first floor is out of order. An engineer has been called.

...Really, need I say more? Well actually, I can compound the horror a little further: Tomorrow, I will have to send one of these things! It may seem out of proportion for me to react this way - after all, it's pretty quick and painless. But every day! Unless someone's been caught photocopying their naughty bits, I don't want to know.

Really, I need something to brighten up my inbox! Like this perhaps:

From: MJ
Sent: Tue 25/04/2006 7:47
To: Chica
Subject: Oh my COCK!

Okay, true as it is, I'll confess that this whole post was just an excuse to broadcast that subject line :P

I Predict A Riot

I have a trip to Leeds to look forward to on Sunday as we are off to see Kaiser Chiefs. At first we were gonna try and stay over so we could have a night out in Leeds too, but the hop over the channel to France has drained all our resources and we'll probably just have to drive home afterwards. Hopefully, it'll still be good! Over the weekend, I was pleased to see that there were still tickets left for The Futureheads in Liverpool and booked that for the end of May, but wasn't so lucky when it came to George Michael :( I cannot believe that some among us are lucky enough to unceremoniously refuse to go! However, the pleasure and the dismay that these little happenings inspire do not compare to how frickin' excited I am about going to see Take That in the summer!

Everything Changes but you!

I was such a big fan when I was a wee teenybopper and I never got to go and see them, but I had all the videos! Actually, I think I've still got them somewhere... Guillermo, be afraid, be very afraid!

Love the Details

Some of you may notice that I've been blog-fishing recently, and added a couple of new favourites to my links. I spotted this on April's fun and quirky blog a few weeks ago, and have been working on it in dribs and drabs ever since. April, you're right, it takes some effort! In fact, it took me so long that I tagged Guillermo with it before I'd even done it myself :P As usual, join in if you feel like!

The Rules: Take 20 fairly standard and innocuous questions and answer them with music lyrics.


1.) Are you male or female?

Talkin' about you a man,
Always ready to go,
Now when it comes to movin',
Babe you awful slow,
And holler oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh,
And holler oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh,
I'm a W-O-M-A-N, a woman, a woman.
- Woman, Etta James

2.) Who are you?

I feel drunk but I'm sober,
I'm young and I'm underpaid,
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah.
I care but I'm restless,
I'm here but I'm really gone,
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby...
And what it all comes down to,
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet,
I've got one hand in my pocket,
And the other one is giving the peace sign
- Hand in My Pocket, Alanis Morissette

I am he, as you are he, as you are me, and we are all together.
- I Am the Walrus, The Beatles

3.) Describe your neighbourhood:

In number 18 there lives a big butch queen,
He's bigger than Tyson and he's twice as mean,
In 666 there lives a Mr. Miller,
He's our local vicar and a serial killer,
Oh if you find the time please come and stay a while,
In our beautiful neighbourhood.
Who lives in a house like this? (who lives here, man?)
Who lives in a house like this?
Oh they want to knock us down 'cos they think we're scum,
But we will all be waiting when the bulldozers come,
In a neighbourhood like this you know it's hard to survive,
So you'd better come prepared 'cos they won't take us alive
- Neighbourhood, Space

4.) How do you look?

She's the face on the radio,
She's the body on the morning show,
She's there shaking it out on the scene,
And she's the colour of a magazine,
And she's in fashion, Oh Oh Oh,
- She's In Fashion, Suede

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror,
I can't take the person starin' back at me
- Don't Let Me Get Me, Pink

5.) What is love?

Down here the river meets the sea,
And in the sticky heat I feel ya’ open up to me,
Love comes out of nowhere baby, like a hurricane,
And it feels like rain.
Underneath the stars lying next to you,
Wondering who you are baby,
How do you do?
When the clouds blow in across the moon,
And the wind howls out your name,
Feels like rain
- Feels Like Rain, John Hiatt

6.) If you could say one thing to the person you love, what would it be?

It's been three years since I'm knocking on your door,
And I still could knock some more,
Ooh, boy, ooh, boy, is it crazy? Look, I wanna know now,
For I to knock some more.
You see - in life I know, that there is lots of grief,
But your love is my relief
- Waiting In Vain, Annie Lennox

7.) What's your secret?

I don't wanna talk about it,
How you broke my heart.
If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whoa, my heart?
If I stand all alone, will the shadow hide the colours of my heart;
Blue for the tears, black for the night's fears,
The stars in the sky don't mean nothin' to you, they're a mirror
- I Don't Wanna Talk About It, Everything But the Girl

8.) Are you strong?

Got brass in pocket,
Got bottle,
I'm gonna use it
- Brass in Pocket, The Pretenders

So what am I now?
I’m loves last home,
I’m all of the soft words I once owned,
If I opened my heart, there’d be no space for air,
’Cos I wanted you.
Weak as I am, no tears for you,
Weak as I am, no tears for you,
Deep as I am, I’m no ones fool,
Weak as I am
- Weak, Skunk Anansie

9.) Where do you wish you were right now?

Flocking to the sea,
Crowds of people wait for me,
Sea gulls scavenge,
Steal ice cream,
Worries vanish,
Within my dream.
I left my soul there,
Down by the sea,
I lost control here,
Living free
- The Sea, Morcheeba

10.) What do you think about your friends?

All of the moments that already passed,
We'll try to go back and make them last,
All of the things we want each other to be,
We never will be
- Try, Nelly Furtado

11.) Any words of advice?

Breathe, breathe in the air,
Don't be afraid to care,
Leave, but don't leave me,
Look around and choose your own ground.
For long you live and high you fly,
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry,
And all you touch and all you see,
Is all your life will ever be
- Breathe, Pink Floyd

12.) What do you wish you were doing right now?

Sittin' in the mornin' sun,
I'll be sittin' when the evenin' comes,
Watching the ships roll in,
And then I watch 'em roll away again,
Yeah, I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay,
Watching the tide roll away,
Ooh, I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay,
Wastin' time
- (Sitting On) The Dock of the Bay, Otis Reading

13.) What do you think about drugs?

If you think that I don't know about depression and emotional pain,
You're insane,
And you're a fool who hasn't paid attention to a word that I say,
In a way,
I can't help but feel responsible,
I always knew that you were insane,
With your pain,
But I never thought you'd be a junkie because heroin is so passe
- Not If You Were The Last Junkie On Earth, The Dandy Warhols

14.) If you could say one thing to your enemy, what would it be?

I don't care if you talk about me,
I don't care if you write it out in stone,
Whenever I fall I land on my feet,
I don't care, I just don't care now.
Mark the spot you hate with an X,
Then shoot your bow and arrow,
Do your worst get it all off your chest,
I'll hold my breath and swallow,
We hurt the ones we love the most,
It's a subtle form of discipline
- I Don't Care, Shakespeare's Sister

15.) What do you do on Friday nights?

I’m the kinda girl that hangs with the guys,
Like a fly on the wall with my secret eyes,
Takin’ it in, try to be feminine,
With my makeup bag watchin’ all the sin.
- Hey Baby, No Doubt

Hey, I wish I had my way,
'Cos everyday would be a Friday,
- I Wish, Skee-Lo

16.) What would you do if you won a million dollars?

Think what that money could bring,
I'd buy everything,
Clean out Vivienne Westwood,
In my Galliano gown,
No, wouldn't just have one 'hood,
A Hollywood mansion if I could,
Please book me first-class to my fancy house in London town.
- Rich Girl, Gwen Stefani

17.) How do you feel right now?

I look up to the little bird,
That glides across the sky,
He sings the clearest melody,
It makes me want to cry,
It makes me want to sit right down and cry cry cry, yeah.
I walk along the city streets,
So dark with rage and fear,
And I... I wish that I could be that bird,
And fly away from here,
I wish I had the wings to fly away from here.
- Little Bird, Annie Lennox

18.) Are you for World Peace?

The world is turning Disney and there's nothing you can do,
You're trying to walk like giants but you're wearing Pluto's shoes.
And the answers fall easier from the barrel of a gun,
Than it does from the lips of the beautiful and the dumb,
The world won't end in darkness, it'll end in family fun,
With Coca Cola clouds behind a Big Mac sun
- One God, The Beautiful South

19.) Where were you born?

Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes,
There beneath the blue suburban skies
- Penny Lane, The Beatles

20.) Any closing words?

I don't think you're ready for this jelly,
I don't think you're ready for this jelly,
I don't think you're ready for this,
'Cos my body too bootylicious for ya babe
- Bootylicious, Destiny's Child

Pure Shores

So I'm back, and glad to be! Among the delights of last week were encounters with woodworm, damp, the discovery that our closest neighbour is a lunatic of some description, and the smell of smoke and dust taking up residence in my hair. Last night we arrived back at home; I jumped into the shower and used about twenty different kinds of soap, shower gel and skin lotion on my body, washed my hair to within an inch of its life, and dumped all of my clothes in the laundry basket. It's so nice to feel clean!

I'm worth it!

We got the fast ferry back home yesterday from Ouistreham, which takes three and a half hours instead of six on the slow one. Because Britain is an hour behind France timezone wise, Boyf was insisting that we had only spent two and a half hours on the ferry, and it took me a while to convince him that no sort of black hole existed in the English Channel. He was like "But we've got an hour of it back, so we were only on it for two and a half." See the sort of logic I am up against day after day?

Working so closely with my parents was harder than I thought it would be too. I get on really well with my folks, but because we were all working on the house and trying to live in it together we were in each others faces for the whole time, and it drove me a little stir crazy. It also made it impossible for me and the Boyf to have any alone time whatsoever. On the other hand, it did afford quite a bit of amusement and we had some good times too.

One day, my mum asked me to put on some of my music, but I didn't think she would like anything I had brought and told her so. "I like that band you do... those two girls..." she said, before humming a line from a Shakespeares Sisters song circa 1992. When I asked for a more recent example she thoroughly alarmed me by casually saying that she liked the Pussycat Dolls, "and that other song... something about he fucked her so she fucked him right back." !! I just wasn't ready for my mother to bust out some Frankee on me.

...I have just watched a woman give birth on TV. I am never having sex again.

Boyf: (also watching) Oh my God that was the most horrible thing I've ever seen in my life.

I think if we ever take the plunge we can expect a childless marriage!

Oh, and I know I'm way late with this but I hope you all had a Happy Easter!

Last Chance Saloon

So last weekend was my birthday, which fell on the same day as the Grand National. Liverpool is crazy busy around the National so we headed into town to soak up the atmosphere. Boyf was delighted as he staked a fiver on Numbersixvalverde and won! (Elspeth won the sweepstake at work.) I got some great pressies, including a fancy new digital camera and a gorgeous piece of jewellery from my man; it's a white gold heart pendant with a diamond in the centre, and it's fab! I took hours getting ready to go out as I couldn't decide what to wear, but I think since it was my birthday I was allowed to take my jolly old time! Finally settled on a black asymmetrical off the shoulder number and a silver belt. Thanks for all your birthday messages!

I've not long got home from work and tomorrow morning I leave for France. I haven't packed yet! I won't be posting for a week or so since I will be without internet access, as well as without furniture! Yes, we are going over to start work on the parents' French abode. I will be getting grubby and working side by side with my builder Boyf, which I'm sure he will find hilarious since I am a complete wimp!

I will miss reading all your blogs but I'll look forward to catching up on them! A week and a half's worth of Wondy at one sitting - imagine!

Oh, and tonight was the last time I will work with Potter! He leaves next week and I'll miss him! He said I had been a pleasure to work with and went home clutching the copy of Igby Goes Down I lent him. Hopefully I'll make his night out if I'm not too cream crackered after my journey as he's holding his farewell bash the day I return. His wedding went swimmingly and I expect photo's soon. They played Smack My Bitch Up at the reception and according to Potter he left word with the DJ not to play any Take That (but he did).

I'd better go and face the packing. Boyf went to see Little Britain at the theatre tonight but when he comes back he'll tell me off if I don't look like I've been really busy!

Quote of the day: Hello, it's the gay police. What, you're guilty as charged? - Sassy's telephone manner

There's No Escape

So, I finally got tired of waiting and, after reports of a new postman wandering aimlessly around my neighbourhood asking directions, decided to call personnel and find out if I was in with a shot at this journalism/research job or what.

Bad news?

In short, the answer was no. They had sent me a letter but I assume said postman fed it to the ugly dogs next door to placate them. Here is my reaction in real time:

Chica says: they gave me a number. i might call it now
Guillermo says: do eeeet
...mere moments later...
Chica says: i didn't get it
Chica says: i was the reserve candidate
Guillermo says: doh
Guillermo says: so the first choice took it?
Chica says: yeah, she accepted, the bitch... i may need to stalk her and kill her
Guillermo says: it's the only course of action open to you as far as i can see
Chica says: and reasonable

A big thanks though to everyone who wished me luck... Can I go be depressed now?

PS I'm frickin 24 tomorrow. Gag me with a spoon.

The Everlasting Gobstopper

I have just walked out of the Staff Room and made my way towards the phone when this idiot leans over the counter clicking his fingers at me going "You help me." At the best of times I would have offered my assistance very begrudgingly to this sort of rudeness but since I was in fact on my lunch I told him simply "Sorry, I don't work here right now." He repeated me in a sort of angry awe and quite possibly went on to say more except I didn't hear him as I was already off on my merry way.

I like helping people but why do some just think they can speak to you like crap because it's your job to help them? For starters, asking for help rather than telling me to do something would be quite nice. It is my job to help you but it's also my job to do a lot of other things and I might be busy right now. Or digesting.

At least there are nice ones to balance things out a bit.

In other news, Potter is getting married tomorrow! That sounds so weird. He's leaving before the end of the month to go and start a new life with his bride in York. They are marrying in Glasgow and his wedding sounds very original to say the least. There will be tapdance. And poetry recitals. If Potter had his way he would be wearing a Willy Wonka costume - at least that's how the purple top and tails he described sounded to me. It will be very weird when he leaves as I will have nobody to make me watch rubbish horror movies and laugh at seemingly unfunny book covers with. Po reckons we should have a minutes silence for him at the same time he gets married - the old romantic!

"I do!"

Miniature Disasters

I love the light nights. 8 o'clock just doesn't feel like 8 o'clock when spring comes. I can't wait until it's warm and we can spend the evenings outside drinking wine and talking. Puppy doesn't share my enthusiasm as he gets very grumpy if he doesn't get enough sofa time.

We just got back from Ikea; we had to return something we bought at the weekend. We're picking up bits and bobs for the French house. We bought rugs, curtains, tables and these cute little art cards. Instead of the pug with the pig there is one of a pug in a feather boa though... is that a pug?

Still no word from the interview I had. I just think it's really weird now that they haven't let me know either way. They seemed to suggest that they'd make a quick decision and the only obstacle would be getting personnel to let me know before five on a Friday. I did however have one helluva awkward conversation with my boss. It went something like this. What follows is an account of what was actually said, while the words in brackets are only inferred.

Boss: Did you have an interview or something? (I defy you to lie to me!)
Me: Yeah (fuck how do you know?)
Boss: When was it? (because you've been off work sick as far as I know you cheeky biatch)
Me: Friday afternoon (*gulp*... just keep smiling and acting as if you're perfectly in the right)
Boss: *significant pause* It's just they've asked me for a reference. I'll have to tell them about your absences you know (so there, ha!)
Me: Yes, of course. (You're going to ruin this chance for me aren't you? Why me?! Oh, why me! Damn that cursed tonsillitis!)

Then she picked holes in my doctors note. Doesn't she know doctors are notoriously bad handwriters? Has she never been in a chemist?

Dang.

Failure to Launch

What to do with my last night of freedom before the dawn of a new Monday? Hmmm. Am I cruel, heartless, and uncompromising enough to make my boyfriend sit through 96 minutes of this?

You bet I am! I'm not quite sure if I can manage it in one night - due to the contempt in which Boyf holds the delightful SJP, it may take me a little longer to convince him; unfortunately my plan to sell it on the grounds of the deceptively masculine title was foiled when he saw the trailer on TV, turned to me with wide eyes and mouthed a firm yet resigned "No," - but I am making it my goal to drag him there before the week is out!

Keeping the Faith

A little update about Friday. I'm pleased to say that I actually managed to survive another job interview. I wore a pale lilac shirt and my pencil skirt with Mary Jane style stilettos, and my sister's linen suit jacket that's two sizes too big for me! On the plus side, I had a great hair day, so all was not lost. When I arrived the people in the office were emitting that Friday feeling pre-5 o'clock that can generally be characterised by the phrase "I can't be bothered." They were rubbish compared to how helpful we are at our place with interviewees. But when one of the panel came to get me and led me up three flights of stairs (wearing a pencil skirt and stilettos, may I remind you, a trial in itself!) things improved as she was lovely and started asking me questions on the way up. Once we arrived, I walked in the room and there was a big hexagon-shaped bank of desks with one lonely chair in the centre. The panel were all really nice though, and after a bumpy start when one of them asked me how much of an organised person I was (I was thinking of many examples to the contrary, ranging from a last minute attempt to find a pair of tights that morning to my scandalously overdue dissertation), they seemed impressed with most of my answers. On the way home I could think of loads of things I should've said but I guess that always happens. One of the men - a really sweet looking guy with a happy face - asked me about research methods and half way through my answer he was like 'oh, wait, that's the next question, you're anticipating me!' It's possible that I messed up quite badly at one point when I called the woman, let's say, Kitty and then could not think why as I have no recollection of what her name actually was. Doh! She was quite pleased with me though because she is a journalist and I mentioned wanting to study it in the future.

After the interview, I traipsed over to the Anglican Cathedral and wandered around in there making lots of noise with my heels. It's stupid, but I've never been in there before - it's even huger than it looks! When I mentioned to Boyf that I'd been there he started acting all smug because the Anglican cathedral is better than ours, but I reminded him that it was designed by a Catholic and that shut him up. It is gorgeous in there.

I have a feeling that if I'd got the job they'd have let me know on Friday, but there is still a little lingering hope there and it's driving me crazy not knowing. I think it's worse because I don't know all the details so I don't even know if I can take it if it's offered to me. It would be good experience but I think I'd struggle a bit with such a big pay cut. On the other hand it would give me time to study. At least there are pros and cons with both results, so if I don't get it I won't be too gutted as it will mean I can still do things like blow as much cash as I have this last week!

Fingers crossed!