Falling at the First Hurdle

This weekend is Grand National weekend, and a pretty big deal. The Aintree races attract a huge number of visitors to the city. Yesterday was Ladies Day, and after an afternoon enjoying the races, people generally flock into the city centre to enjoy the bars. But aswell as those who have been betting on the horses, there is another group roaming the streets of Liverpool hoping their gamble pays off. That group is largely male; their prey the herds of Ladies Day women easy to spot in their large hats and formal clothing. I would just like you to bear this demographic in mind when I ask you a question in a paragraphs time.

I too was in town, having spent a lovely afternoon shopping with my sister and meeting up with Studmuffin in The Living Room at five for after-work drinks. I bought a sixties style shift dress thing, and my sister bought this really glamorous red dress in my size, which I will totally be borrowing at the first available opportunity (this means I will have to encourage her to wear it fairly soon, because borrowing something that's brand new isn't really cricket. Once it's had its first dry clean it's up for grabs.)

Now let me direct you to a sentence from a recent post of mine entitled 'Oh no, I'm that girl.'

I imagine myself shopping on a warm sunny day in town with MJ or somebody and spotting him in a bar at the same moment he notices me and exchanging a smile and not even talking to each other but just that little thing causes a spark and something picks back up again.

So, here's the question: guess who I bumped into?

It wasn't a bar, it was the slightly less romantic location of outside-Burger-King. And there was no spark (or I don't know, was there a spark, despite the awkardness?) and no picking back up of anything. I had been happily walking along between my sister and 'Muffin, minding my own business and probably talking about some totty 'Muffin had just spotted on our walk from bar to bar, when I looked up and saw Alfie. He was standing with his legs wide apart, pelvis forward, hands in pockets, grinning and waiting for me to notice him. The first thing I noticed, even from a distance, was that the receeding hairline had gone into major retreat. Not to be bitchy, because I still totally would, but he looked terrible.

Let's take a moment to discuss the outfit. As someone who prides himself on labels and fashionable ensembles, and who had the front to appoint himself as a style guru to 'Muffin, he ought to be ashamed of himself. It was even worse than the woolly scarf teamed with short sleeved white shirt in a hot club fiasco, a look that will for ever be associated with Quentin Crisp in my mind (thanks to Wondy.) There were wide linen trousers. White ones. With a visible ghetto-gold coloured zipper. There were tan coloured deck shoe things which defy description. And a black Russell Brand-ish shirt, which had only one button fastened and bared a hairy chest and silver dog tags. If I'd had my wits about me, there would have been serious piss taking going down.

As it was I said hello, introduced my sister, endured a kiss on the cheek fairly well, and then thanked God that 'Muffin was there to carry on a sensible conversation as I edged closer to my sister for security and shook like a leaf, heart pounding like a frantic bird trying to escape from my chest. While I was talking to him, I noticed his mates over his shoulder grinning away at me knowingly. Alfie looked me up and down, looked my sister up and down, looked me up and down again and said: "You do know you look nothing alike?" We laughed and I told him I was the milkman's. I can't remember what else was said, I recall him referring to 'Muffin as his 'Padawan learner', and me joking that 'Muffin could teach him a thing or two and my voice being a little too clipped. Then the mate who gave me a lecture about self-respect on the Christmas night out (whom I regret listening to) came over and I made our excuses and left.

Here is 'Muffin's take on the encounter:

Chica: I can't remember his face, just his fod (forehead)! And what was the outfit like! My sis will be seriously questioning my taste in men!

'Muffin: He wears that quite often

Chica: He looked a show in it, like a reject off Eldorado
'Muffin: Like your sister said... the way he stood said it all... HAHAHAHAHAHA HE DID!!!
Chica: And yet, my heart was still hammering in my chest and I was shaking like a fucking leaf!
'Muffin: Yeah but you didn't show it, you were uber cool. Especially when you said we'd better get going. It was like "Yeah... whatever.... I'm with my mates and I ain't got time to be dazzled by your fod!"

Love that guy.

For the record, I was wearing my Peaches Geldof dress, and looked so much better than he did, even if I do say so myself!

And yes, still completely besotted, obviously.

She's Gotta Have It

News item: I think I may be developing an addictive personality. In that, I'm seemingly becoming addicted to stuff, not that people just can't get enough of my anecdotes. A plethora of evidence is mounting up to support this hypothesis. Shrugging off the obvious temptations of alcohol and powdery substances (unless blusher), I have a different devil at my back entirely. I make my case forthwith:

Exhibit A) Alfie. Enough said.

Exhibit B) I cannot stop shopping. Shopping makes everything better. It is the joy in my life, the marrow in my bones, the giant gaping weakness in my budget. It's starting to get repugnant. I'm throwing money away that could go towards much more valuable ends. I talk of moving out, buying cars, earning enough to support both myself and a poor defenceless animal, and then blow hundreds of pounds on tops. Hundreds of pounds. It starts off innocently enough, with a couple of t shirts for maybe a tenner each or so, which I tell myself I need for work, and then, before I know it, I'm lusting after a dress on Asos for £54 that Peaches Geldof has. But I don't just want the dress, I throw things in my basket until it's over two hundred pounds worth, then I guiltily delete things I can live without so it's around a more respectable looking £100. Then I don't buy it, until encouraged to do so by my very irresponsible friends, sister, niece, boyfriend, and mum. Then I can blame it on peer pressure. Not satisfied with frittering away cash on clothes for myself, I have now firmly resolved that the minute - the very minute - I get a dog, I am buying it this.

Today, I theoretically spent £33.00 at Pucci (I didn't click on check out.) Before the guilt made me remove items from my basket, it was £103.50.

My name is Chica, and I'm an Alfashopaholic.

Take Heart

I may not be going to the splendorous event that is the Take That Beautiful World Tour, and have lost out on the best tickets in the whole god damned world, but I do have a rather magnificent chocolate leather holdall winging it's way to me:

It's for my birthday, off my parents. I ordered it myself last night. My birthday isn't for another month. Tee. Hee.

This bag says to me: Yes, I'm 25, I know exactly where I'm going, and I'm fabulous!

No pressure now, bag.

Just realised it looks like it has a grumpy face... and is now reminding me a little bit of this guy.

Oh! Darling

My mum has a really challenging job working with troubled teenagers in care. The way the care system in this country is managed is criminally messed up and as a result it's often difficult for people in the profession to make a difference. The kids my mum works with have really bad behavioural problems and they can often be abusive towards her and her colleagues. She's called terrible names on a daily basis and has been physically attacked. Despite this, she says the worst part of her job is dealing with the ineffective managers, whose priorities are all out of joint. Frankly, they sound like downright bullies, and clueless ones at that. That's why I love it when my mum tells me a story like the one she did yesterday about a shopping trip she made with one of her kids, D.

I know for a fact that D. is no angel and can be a nasty so and so when he wants to be, but in this story the dude sounds wicked. After a meeting in town, D. asked if he could pop into Dawsons, a music shop. My mum agreed and so they made their way there. D. informed her that he was well known in the shop and that they were expecting him to bring his grandmother in; for the purposes of this visit, she would be his grandmother. They also believed he was interested in buying a grand piano. So, D. plays every piano in the shop for the next hour or so and has all the staff fussing over him, until my mum announces: "Darling, I think we should go away and think about it. It is a lot of money, and I have a meeting I need to get to." D. replies, "Okay darling," sweeps his scarf over his shoulder, takes my mum's arm and sashays out of the shop. Then he goes to a jewellery store and pretends he wants to buy a diamond ring worth over a grand. How fun would shopping with him be?

D. also possesses excellent manners, opening doors for others and letting them pass through first, and walking my mum to her car every night. Once, when my mum was on the phone to my sister, he said: "Oh, I must speak with her," and they made fictional plans to go to dinner. He also once made my mum sit though a cabaret act he had devised.

Genius.

Girl with a Pearl Earring

FYI: I have been spending like a WAG possessed recently. I don't know who I think I am. You've seen the evidence of the weekend's splurge, and on Monday I popped into H. Samuels and treated myself to two pairs of earrings (one of which is pictured, left. I have them in right now. I think they're my favourites! Ahem, apart from the ones you got me 'Muffin. They obviously have enormous sentimental value as well as being lovely and my only pair of actual diamond earrings. And I do like them, despite what you think! I've blogged about them somewhere...) Check me out!

Speaking of which, who saw the shots of Coleen McLoughlin posing as figures from famous pieces of art last weekend?

Coleen gets ragged on for being famous for doing nothing except shop and turn a blind eye to her footballer boyfriend's dalliance with prostitutes a few years ago. But if someone handed me the opportunities she's had, I'd grab them with both hands and run too. Lucky cow!

I'd rather have Boyf than a footballer or any amount of money in the world; I'd quite like to just fall into a career in journalism (well, write my own fashion column, hello Mothership!) by virtue of shopping heavily though.

I'd say some girls have all the luck, but then she does have to sleep with Wayne, who has a habit of doing really stupid things like signing deals with The Sun newspaper, despite what they did to us after Hillsborough. My niece once dated him, and dumped him for being boring. That always amuses me.

Justice for the 96.

Smile

Whoa, I actually feel happy and cheerful right now, WTF? Someone press a cold flannel to my unfurrowed brow, stat. I was merrily listening to Lily Allen and chatting to 'Muffin last night when I noticed something was different. It feels good.

Yesterday noon, I hopped on the bus and rode it into town. I was due to meet Dedalus for milkshakes at 3 o'clock, but I had some time to kill before then and, well... I was a little bit naughty. Naughty, but nice! Could these be the source of such contentment?

Oh yes, my friends. I'm back!

With a vengeance!

Dedalus actually went with me while I tried the heels, and we browsed the shelves of Waterstones together too. It was nice book shopping with a boy. He bought trashy thrillers and has read everything by Dan Brown, but still. I like the Black Eyed Peas, how can I possibly judge? I managed to resist buying any books, which was a small victory for my bank balance. Patrick Suskind's Perfume was even in the 3 for 2 offer! Dedalus says he's never seen me happier than when I was buying shoes. I should always be shoe shopping.

We talked about American politics, jobs, and um, Top Gear, over our shakes and then walked aimlessly around town chatting. Well, truth be known the aim was the find a movie to watch but neither cinema had anything much going for it so we bid farewell and took a rain check on the movie. While we were walking, he asked me about a comment I'd made about not wanting to lead him on because I knew how it felt and it wasn't nice. (Yeah, I'm this subtle in real life too!) I told him a little bit about Alfie - the bite size version. The simplicity of the bite size version was actually kind of good to hear - it all sounded much more manageable and, I don't know, everyday. I wrapped it up with: "Anyway, he's got a new girlfriend. It's over."

Truth be known, I had a mini-crisis on Friday and almost text Alfie. Nothing heavy, just to see how he is. But I told myself just to wait one more day and then I could text him. But yesterday, I didn't even want to. I was in a good mood and I didn't want to spoil it, and I think I kind of didn't care. Snaps for me! (Or Schnapps, I think I should get Schnapps.)

Anyway, so we had this awkward conversation about the past again which, yes he keeps bringing up but I think we've dealt with it now. I told him I thought he was cheeky to even be bringing stuff like that up because he was out of my life for so long and then he comes back on the scene dragging up ghosts from three years or so before. He agreed. We reached an understanding about the whole leading people on issue, and I told him that I wasn't agreeing to see him for anything like that, but that we were close once and it would be a shame to throw that away. He agreed :P But it was sincere I think, and even though it was a little bit awkward, I feel better about us.

Oh yeah, and then after me explaining some of the Alfie palaver, I asked him why he and his ex really split. He said: "She met someone else, basically."

Doh.

But look again at the boots! How can I feel anything but triumphant? I may even do my happy dance.

Hmmm, one step at a time.

Fantasy Footwear

Ladies and gentlemen, the next great love of my life:

I should NOT buy these, as I have only wore my gold ones, which were also £60, once, these twice, and these (which I bought last summer!) twice. I also have a really similar pair, except they are satin and have no platform. I kind of wrecked those a little on my night out with Alfie though, marching down London Road and drunkenly yelling 'rendezvous' at each other. How obnoxious!

I really like them, and I'm hoping I can take off the ankle strap. If I buy them. Which I shouldn't. But I might.

Rehab

As I may have mentioned in passing, it's 'Muffin's birthday at the end of the month. What to get the man in my life who's my friend without harbouring any ulterior motives? The man who writes a wicked Christmas card and serenades me with Golden Girls theme tunes? In short, one of the best friends I have made in recent years or, indeed, ever? I need to get my thinking cap on.

We are hoping to go out on the last Friday of the month. He's inviting some other work people but I will probably meet them a bit later (since I don't work Friday's anymore, bliss!) Then he's staying over at mine, for his sins. We will possibly end up in The Living Room at some point. Apparently he's going to get drunk and take over the piano and I have to drape myself over it in an evening gown and sing I Will Survive. Perhaps the campest plan for a birthday celebration I have heard of but that's why you gotta love the 'Muffin! I'm really looking forward to it.

Of course, preparations for the outfit have already begun and I ordered myself some dresses off Warehouse the other day. I had to return one because I couldn't possibly squeeze my boobs into it but there are two others to choose from so I can start accessorising now. The one I had to return was typically the nicest too. But I suppose life goes on.

Today, I met Dedalus and went over an application form with him. He's applying for a job at my place and we dropped in today to print the form off and say 'hi' to 'Muffin. It was really bizarre being in there with him and introducing the two of them - like two worlds colliding. We had a bit of an awkward conversation over coffee about how his ex had asked him not to talk to me anymore. Apparently she knew he liked me and was threatened by me so he cut off contact because he loved her. He said he still loves her even though they're not together. He's having a difficult time with the break up I think and I'm not sure how to help. I showed him the photographs from the Christmas party and he was asking about Alfie. I'm an absolutely rubbish liar and completely transparent when I try to gloss over things so I think he suspects that I like him. He asked who looked after Puppy while we were away too so I had to tell him he died.

Anyway, we might be going to see The Pursuit of Happyness over the weekend, and I'm hoping to get a bit of studying done tomorrow. The Dedalus thing is really weird and I'm not sure how I feel about being friends with him again to be honest. I appreciate what he said about his ex but I just can't help feeling that he let me down. I don't know why he wants to be friends again or if it's too late to be friends again. It's nice to see him and stuff but, I don't know. Is it real? Am I a distraction of the rebound variety? Am I a doormat? Am I seriously stressing over another guy? Gah.

Tomorrow, no men. Dissertation. (About fucking time!)

Boy Shopping

Today, I took Boyf clothes shopping. I picked up some little bits of jewellery for my sister and Bratz Twister for my niece, but then dedicated the rest of the trip to kitting out my boyfriend with some stylish items for Christmas.

He was relatively well behaved as I thrust several shirts and pairs of jeans into his unresisting arms and marched him off to the changing rooms. He bought himself a pair of Timberland jeans and a dark green French Connection t-shirt in Lewis'. Then a pair of brown shoes. I suggested that he needed another pair of darker jeans for evening wear, and so we trotted off to French Connection and I rooted out the jeans least likely to offend his delicate fashion sensibilities (buckles? gay! faded patches or customisation of any kind? gay! pockets with buttons? gay! I will never get him to wear pink.) He tried on a pair and liked them, and scooped up a blue and brown striped shirt too. So I bought them for him. Next, I took him to Zara and chose a couple of shirts. After a bit of deliberation, he deigned to try one on and it looked really sexy on him. He gave it the seal of approval and so I bought him that too. The final item was a belt to match his shoes, which he picked out all by himself, and got totally the right colour! A proud moment for me. I felt just like Trinny and/or Tranny in that final moment of What Not To Wear when it all suddenly comes together and one of them has to cry and/or grab someones boobs and declare them fabulous.

He did complain about having to pay fifteen pounds for a belt though. This is after we'd shelled out over two hundred pounds between us on his outfits. When I told him that it was reasonable and the belt I wanted from All Saints was £35, he told me I'd been spending far too much time with Alfie and he'd influenced my perspective on the value of clothes! I rejoined that it was an extremely unfair claim since I hadn't bought the dress I LOVE in French Connection because it cost £130 and I am supposed to be saving to buy a car next year.

The dress (pictured above, but in a different colour) is lovely but not a patch on the elusive Monsoon dress which was only £60! (It is also called a 'serpent' dress. When I hear that I imagine the snake off Jungle Book rasping 'trussst in meeeeee, jussst in meee'.) So I decided to be sensible. Although, if I was going out with Alfie I'd spend that much on his Christmas present, so surely I could just cut out the middleman and buy it for myself? Ahem. Rhetorical question.

I still don't have a bag to match my shoes for the Christmas do though. Speaking of which, once we'd bought his clothes, Boyf was suddenly up for going to the party and asked me to get him a ticket. Now, he'd expressed very little interest up until that point so obviously retail therapy is not entirely lost on him. But I had to tell him that I didn't think I would be able to get him a ticket at such late notice (true), because my cover for going MIA last Friday was that I met Lila and got drawn into one of her crazy nights out, which would be the first thing he'd talk to her about. And whilst I realise that one day the truth may come out, I'd really rather it wasn't in front of the entire University staff and that Alfie wasn't within arms length of the Boyf.

Actually, the way I feel about him at the moment, that last bit would probably be okay with me :P

Scents & Sensibility

Okay. So lately I have been shopping a whole lot. Last month it was "pull Alfie" outfits, this month it has been in preparation for Christmas. I still have quite a few presents to get for people. I need to find something for 'Muffin. And a few extra gifts for my sister for being such a great confidante these last few months!

At the weekend, I bought perfume for both of my sisters, and while I was in the shop I browsed through the men's section. I noticed the scent Alfie wears. I picked it up, sprayed it on my wrist. D&G Masculine - it's gorgeous. He always smells amazing. I bought it (!) I'm still not sure what I'll do with it!

I would love to buy Alfie a gift. But we're just not in that place. I really don't know what place we are in. We had a great time on Friday, but I don't feel close to him. He's very difficult to read and doesn't give very much away about himself. Anyway, I may email him tomorrow...

It's weird. Some of the people I talk to about Alfie seem to think that we are 'seeing' each other. But I don't feel like that about us at all. I constantly feel like it could be over before it's really begun. I don't know what would happen if I just didn't get in touch. Would he initiate things?

He didn't even tell me he'd split up with Sarah until I asked him directly what was going on with them on Friday night. He said he'd told 'Muffin and assumed he'd tell me. I said 'Muffin had said they were 'in between' relationship status. He said that the day I asked him in the stairwell if I'd be getting a text saying he regretted our encounter and he said no was the day they split up. But I know for a fact that that can't be true because he took her to the Paolo Nutini gig that night and showed me a picture of them on his phone the next morning! But I do believe that they have split up because he was open with his friends about who he was meeting (and why!) and his mum knew he was out with me (embarrassing encounter in the morning!)

It's extremely difficult to get to know Alfie in any way except in sexual terms. Then, funnily enough, he's wide open. But I need to feel that he cares about me to be able to go further. And I think he believes he just has to get me drunk! Wonder why? :P

I could never sleep with him while I am in a relationship with someone else. But I didn't even think I was capable of kissing somebody else or deceiving the Boyf like I have been. I find myself swinging between states of guilt, when I look at my boyfriend and realise how amazing he is and how lucky I am, and states of longing for Alfie despite the fact that he's never even really said he likes me. I'm not even sure I like the way he treated me when we got back to his on Friday, and I feel like I have to play games with him all the time. If I was going to sleep with someone, I'd have to feel like it was going to mean something. And not just to me. In fact, I'd have to be in love with that person. Otherwise, I would regret it and feel... empty. And me and Alfie are never going to get there. It's not what he wants.

Meh, I could go on forever. With these thoughts going on in my mind it's really no wonder that I've made myself ill and am doomed to be ugly for the Christmas party! I guess only time will tell. But until it does, I hope you can bear with me and my wittering! Hopefully I will look back on all this one day and laugh. Or at least shake my head, roll my eyes and draw little moustaches and spectacles on the pictures I have of him while cackling witchily.

Which reminds me, must make some space on my camera in the event of a miracle taking place through which my face deflates and I make it to the party!

Politics

Okay. How to explain Dedalus. (Yes, don't be fooled by the title, I'm still on about men!) Dedalus is a guy I went to uni with. We were friends pretty much throughout uni, and at one time we were really close. We went through a weird phase when the Boyf was working away a lot and I was hardly spending time with him, and it started to feel like Dedalus was my boyfriend.

Now don't go judging me on my recent form because my recent behaviour is out of character and the whole Dedalus thing was totally different. For a start I never had the urge to rip the clothes off his back or writhe around underneath him in a tangled mess of bedsheets and lust and sweat and heat... ahem. As I was saying. I'm no slut :P

Dedalus and I kind of grew apart and anyway after the whole coupley stage things got really weird. I suppose we got to a place where we had to define our relationship. And we never really reached a middle ground on what that definiton should be.

Things limped along for a while, we stayed in touch, but neither of us was really motivated enough to keep seeing each other that much and, once Dedalus acquired a girlfriend, the seal of doom was stamped on our friendship. He called me up a few times when he needed to talk about his problems after that, but he never really reciprocated and eventually we lost touch.

Until he emailed me out of the blue last Friday.

I have to say I was a little nervous about seeing him again. We talked on the phone and MSN before we met up for lunch this week and it all went quite well so that was reassuring. And when I walked out of work and saw him standing waiting for me, I just couldn't help laughing. It was really bizarre seeing his face. It was like somebody put me in a time machine and sent me back about three years. We hugged and kissed and made our way to have lunch. It didn't feel awkward at all.

Over lunch, we chatted about nothing and caught up on some happenings, and then I asked him what prompted him to get back in touch. He said he felt bad about losing touch because I was a really good friend and still am, and that when he thought back to the uni days, they were good, but they were only good because I was there. Which is a bit of a huge compliment when you consider it. He brought up the "couple" phase but I said that I was sure we'd talked about it enough times in the past and he agreed and said we could avoid it.

Then I had one of my classic moments, and when attempting to put my cardigan back on, I fired about ten metal bangles through the air, which showered down on the (occupied) table beside us. Oh yes. All part of a normal day.

Anyway, we wandered through town and after a bit of indecision ended up going for coffee at the bookshop. We hung out until about three o'clock and then he headed off to catch his train. I marched to Monsoon to scoop the most gorgeous dress ever, except that it was sold out in my size. I held back tears. (I then found a pair of shoes that would have matched the dress perfectly, which were £20 off! That would never have happened if I'd got the dress!)

Since then we've been texting a little bit. (Yes, I've spent £50 on my phone this month, all from texting boys and my sister. The joys.) And today we decided, since his plans to see it fell through and 'Muffin fucked me off to study today, that we'll go and see the new (getting older) James Bond movie tomorrow. 4:15.

Why can't things be that easy with Alfie? "Hey, wanna see a movie?" "Sure."

I suppose it did take us six years to reach this point :P And ripping Alfie's clothes off in a public theatre would probably be frowned upon. For shame.

Close Encounters

So, today I went shopping again with very good intentions of spending money on other people and getting in a few Christmas pressies. I could not resist going into Faith and trying on some boots. They were £30 off, come on! But the colour I wanted were still full price. So I left them. But I can't promise I won't return.

On the way to look at something for my dad, I asked the Boyf, my very unwilling shopping buddy for the day, if he minded if we popped into River Island. I knew what I was looking for, so I walked straight through the shop to the back wall and straight to the end of the jewellery section, the Boyf trailing stoically behind me. I heard a voice say "Hello." It took a moment to register with me and then I heard it again. I turned. It was Himself, wearing his new leather jacket. "200 quid for that?!" I said, rather undiplomatically. He laughed. I introduced him to the Boyf. They shook hands right in front of my face. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. In that moment, I felt like the lowest of the low. I thought: this is not my life.

We stumbled over a couple more niceties and then his friend came out of the changing rooms and we bid each other farewell. (He didn't introduce me to his - female - friend.) I was giggling because I was nervous. I covered my mouth with my scarf and pretended to be really preoccupied with looking at purses. Boyf commented that Himself's hand was really sweaty.

I picked up a heart pendant and said I just wanted to look at a handbag downstairs. I picked up a red sequinned purse and tried to open it and the clasp fell off onto the floor. I laughed and picked it up and noticed Himself again. I pretended not to see him, and headed straight for the tills. On the way out, I kept my eyes to the floor, but I knew he was still there. Boyf later told me he'd been standing by the counter, striking a pose. He said he just stared at him.

The weird thing is, Boyf took an instant dislike to him. He described him as "an arrogant arsehole" who "looked gay" and "loved himself." Once we were home, in discussion with MJ, he told him that he was "weird looking with a bigger fod than Ant & Dec put together" and ridiculed him for spending £200 on a coat. MJ pointed out that Boyf had spent more than that on his North Face coat. "Yeah," Boyf said, "but that's useful, I could wear that in the Antarctic. I'd like to see him in the Antarctic!" He also said he made sure he gave him a very firm handshake and squeezed his hand really hard.

Jesus!

Before we came home Boyf and I went for something to eat. But I couldn't relax because my heart was racing after the encounter and I was trying desperately to talk about normal things. Boyf kept asking what I was thinking about and teased me that I was thinking about Himself and reckoned I fancied him. I replied with a very unconvincing "Shut up." I sent Himself a text saying: shit sorry, I think I blacked out for a second there. He replied: It's ok. You didn't act at all strange. I saw you as soon as you walked in and it was as though you just walked right through the shop and stood next to me. I was chuckling. As Guillermo said, chuckling so much his hands were sweating!

That was just the weirdest thing ever. It really was like it was meant to happen.

Oh, and then he sent me a picture of him in his Calvins. As you do.

Shop Til You Drop

Today I spent money I don't have on underwear the size and consistency of dental floss. Why? I mean, I bought a suspender belt. And stockings. And an eye mask. Who needs suspenders? I seriously think I have an addiction. I have just stopped myself from buying some more clothes online.

I was quite proud of myself today though for resisting a pair of shoes. I even picked them up and they had my surname on the bottom. Seriously. And I put them down, and backed out of the shop, £55 richer.

Himself has been texting me all day and today he spent £200 on a leather jacket and £55 on a shirt. We were both shopping in town. He didn't suggest meeting up, but kept texting. Was he with Sarah? Or does he just not wanna see me?

I was really looking for something to wear to the Christmas party. I have the dress (pictured.) And the shoes. But I need accessories. I'm on the look out for a handbag and jewellery. And some sexy knickers... *whistles* No reason.

Expiration Dating

What do you think of my new, slinky boots?

They cost me £70 from Faith. I'm wearing them tomorrow with a grey pinafore dress and black polo neck. Himself leaves on Thursday. But since he is off on Tuesday and I think I'm on a course on Wednesday, I have but two outfits left until he leaves! What what!

Thursday he will be busy with everybody else too. So really, tomorrow is the last chance. Last chance for what I'm not sure, but I figure this is going to be a difficult week for me.

Which is a good enough reason as any to treat myself to these boots I say!

*sigh*

Corporation t-shirt, frickin' brilliant Tuesday

You know that song, I don't know what it's called, but there's a lyric that goes: last night a DJ saved my life? Well, that's going round in my head, but with the word t-shirt instead of DJ.

On Sunday I had a girlie day with my sister. We went shopping. I got holes punched in my ears. All very relaxing. (I'll come back to that.) In Zara, I spotted this great t-shirt. It had the crushes name on it, followed by the words, "This is my Boyfriend," and with the slogan "Personal Office Stories." Well, I nearly fell over when I saw it, I couldn't believe the coincidence. I dragged my sister into the shop to show her, and she forced me to buy it.

I wore it to work Monday. He approved. Then I sent him an e-mail saying "tomorrow I'm gonna wear one that says 'player' xx". I sent it at 9:07, and as you can see from my speechless post, they just kept on coming. He emailed me 16 times! Yes, I counted! And as you may also be able to see from the final email, things just kept getting hotter!

It wasn't just flirting. We had a really good chat in the staff room at lunch, not about anything important and other people were there, but it was just nice to talk to him like a normal human being. He made the effort to talk to me too. I was a very happy bunny and extra super nice to everyone I served!

And it wasn't just the content of the emails but the fact that every time he came downstairs I caught him looking at me. He even complained a couple of times that I hadn't emailed him back yet. I felt amazing.

Then today, I kind of went all out and wore a sexy grey backless polo neck jumper affair, with a black and grey tweed miniskirt and leggings (I know!) I got loads of compliments and 'Muffin went on about how gorgeous I was in front of him, bless his cotton socks! Himself was like, "Are you trying to impress somebody?" and flashed me a really cheeky grin. Later, he was stood behind Sassy at reception and he just gave me this really sexy look. I wanted to rip his clothes off right there. But I got all shy and looked away and I heard Sassy say something and he said, "I'm just smiling at her." Then he came over and asked P.Diddy what he thought of my outfit. P. said I looked lovely and I said P. was a gentleman and would never say anything different. Himself laughed and P. said "I'll tell you later."

Didn't see him much more for the rest of the day but as he left at five he said he'd meant to email me but he'd been in a meeting all afternoon, and that he liked the outfit :)

As I've been writing this, actually when I typed the words "I wanted to rip his clothes off right there", he's turned up unexpectedly. More later!

Hey Big Spender

After the high of Saturday night, the past couple of days have been slightly anti-climactic. Himself is in looking ever so smart and gorgeous today, and I feel like something the cat sicked up. Have been spending like crazy recently in order to look good for him, and continued doing so last night when I fell off the wagon and spent 175 quid on more clothes.

I realise that lately I have been overstepping the line and offering rather a blurred perspective on moral boundaries. Chasing (or trying to chase) a guy who has a girlfriend when I have a boyfriend is hardly the person I really want to be. However, I completely hopskotched across that line last night, when I boldy ordered... leggings.

I know, I know. I'm a bad woman, and should be made to carry the scarlet letter. But I bought a grey check miniskirt and something is telling me that wearing leggings with it would be oh so cute! And I could hardly wear a mini skirt and go bare legged at work. Right... right?

Ah, who cares? I'll take pictures and you can judge me then!

As well as these items I bought a shift dress, a sequinned boob tube, a black shirt, a 'cafe latte cap sleeve sexy rouche' top, a damson sleeveless rollneck (much prettier than it sounds) and a cream heart print tee - which I think will go nice with jeans and a ponytail.

Tomorrow, before work, I'm going to try and nip into Dune and buy these gorgeous little creatures for the night out with Himself and 'Muffin.

I'm an addict. Pity me.

Gone in 60 Seconds

So, Friday was great. I wore the red shoes. We didn't go to Newz because I couldn't walk in them, so hobbled in the general direction of Italian food and Spanish booze instead. Was made to run across the road in said stilettos = hilarity for all passers by. Had my coat pinched and later returned in the tapas bar. Ate yummy food, met nice Czech lady, got squiffy. All in all, a good night. And I got ready in six minutes - surely a record? (I was terrified of getting locked in at work by security!)

Spent the rest of the weekend starting preparations for the next French trip, which starts on Thursday. I can't frickin' wait. Haven't actually begun to pack yet though. Hmmm...

Ooh, also, gave in to retail therapy urges in phenomenal style and spent about £150 at Topshop and Miss Selfridge online. So now, after my holiday, I will come back to pretty things as well as old Troutface. Hurrah! New clothes take the pain away. The Haul includes:

- A smart black 'bib front' tee

- Pair of smart black hipster trousers

- One ribbed oversize beanie hat in navy

- White poplin puff sleeve shirt

- A cream scoop neck tee with a funky blackbird pattern

- Headscarf with a geometric design

- A tomato coloured 'trapeze' dress with pocket detailing

- Long white skinny vest

- One rhinestone buckled Alice band!

Pretty good work for a Bank Holiday weekend huh? I heart armchair shopping! After my shopping blitz, Boyf and I hunkered down in our gorgeous bed, indulged in a rather nice Cabernet Sauvignon and watched King Kong on DVD. Bliss!

2 sleeps and I'm outta here.

Symphony in Yellow

So. Friday I had a half day booked at work, and rode off into the distance with Studmuffin for an afternoon of sexual experimentation. Or at least that's the rumour we've fuelled by leaving together at half twelve :P I did a bit of shopping in town, purchasing 3 stripey tops and a few bits and bobs, and getting my euros for our holiday!! Boyf met me, and caused me to get blisters on my feet rushing about from prospective meeting point to prospective meeting point while he tried to park the car, eating into my valuable shopping time, the swine! He also bought himself a striped jumper from River Island, then had a crisis when he saw somebody who "looked gay" wearing it. It's lovely so I reassured him that it was indeed very manly, and not the slightest bit effeminate. Though it is yellow. And MJ would so wear it.

Then we scurried off to have pizza, but were too late for the legendary pizza buffet lunch. This is a £3.99 all-you-can-eat wonder that allows numerous trips to the yummy salad bar. Every year before Christmas me and my sisters used to take our mum shopping and we'd have pizza buffet for lunch. Because we're such classy birds! Not the Ritz for us!

The evening brought a Big Brother eviction with a twist - the new neighbours. I am cautiously backing fellow scouser Jennie. Until she, you know, makes a tit of herself and I am forced to disown her. What the eff was Aisleyne wearing???!

Oh, and I've resurrected my Last FM account, hence the new button in the sidebar - I had a George Michael period last November it seems!

The Truth About Diamante

I have to tell you about the tragedy of my sunglasses. I ordered - in a sale, so we're talking limited stock here kids - a pair of purple diamante aviator sunglasses. That's purple and diamante. A perfect marriage! Now, I have never owned aviators, and despite the fact that I have no idea if they'd suit me, I was pretty psyched about them. Then my order arrived (I also ordered a couple of tops, a pair of linen crops, and a silk scarf for my hair), with no sunglasses. Maybe they'll follow, I thought, fretfully. Perhaps they've been specially packed, I mused, with futile optimism. But no! Some scrubber has stolen them in the packing plant! Their fabulousness proved too much to resist!

Well, that's not exactly what the email I received in response to my query said, but we can all read between the lines.

My search for a funky pair of sunnies continues. Bear in mind I do not want to end up looking like this:

Oh, who am I kidding? I love Nicole, sunnies bigger than her face, razor sharp shoulder blades, trying to sieve out the calories in that ice cream with her lips, and all!

Are you ready boots?

A quick pitstop at bloggerville. I'm a bit under the weather at the mo' (but still at work, breathing all over everyone, muahahaha!) so yesterday my boyfriend bought me a present, a pair of gorgeous snuggly slippers/boots from Next to keep my tootsies warm. How cute is he! I love them. I am hoping they're okay as I heard there was some red wine spillage last night in their vicinity, but I haven't checked yet 'cos I'm playing wage slave. I'll post a pic later, because I'm that sad. (Update: there were a few splashes, but they cleaned up real purdy!)

I've put some leave request forms in so I'm hoping I get them before I put another cheeky request in for a week off in October. We're hoping to skip over to France for a few days, if Boyf gets time off work. And that's a big IF. Fingers crossed!

As for today, I have mostly: been using Powerpoint and the laminating machine. Excitement!

PS Potter gets my sense of humour. I made him belly laugh. 10 points.