Before the Law

Had a couple of busy days re: Dedalus. We met up to see a movie on Thursday (Hot Fuzz) and had milkshakes and fries at the diner. It was nice. The movie was funny, but criminally underutilised Bill Bailey. Both of him.

Incidentally, on the way home from town, my bus was pulled over by a siren-flashing police vehicle, and a male officer got on the bus. He started walking slowly to the back; everyone just sort of fell out of conversation and stared, waiting for someone to make a run for it or some scuffle to occur. He looked at the guy sitting adjacent to me and said, "Can we have a chat with you, mate?" The guy said, "Yeah, okay," accompanied him ever so amenably off the bus, and was promptly arrested. I have to admit that there was a moment where I wondered if he was actually going to turn out to be a male stripper, and make someones birthday. But we all know how my mind works by now.

"Tickets, please."

Talking of movies, you remember the whole number 23 debacle? Well, Dedalus has since worked out that both his long term relationships lasted 23 months. And he split up with girl #1 on the 20th of March. And girl #2 on the 13th of October. Spooky shit!

So, yesterday - the second day, of the third month might I add - we got our glad rags on and hit the town for drinks, to celebrate Dedalus' new job, which he starts on Monday. The night started off well, I wore my new shoes (which hurt like I can't even think what might hurt as much, some medieval torture device perhaps, or improperly operated eyelash curlers), and he was on top form, in a comedic sense. However, by the time we left Modo's, the night had taken a different turn. (There was a weird moment on the way to Modo's actually where he slowed down and sort of leaned in, but I was like, "Keep walking, dude, keep walking.") We went to Mybug's bar - he's really cute in his uniform - for a quick one and then stepped outside to deliberate where to go next. It was raining really heavily so I took off my coat and used it to shelter my hair and he ducked under it too and started trying to kiss me.

I was not having it. Anyway, eventually, I untangled myself from the situation and we went to Tea Factory, at which point I realised that I'd lost one of my beloved hoop earrings and had been walking around with only one in like a scurvy buccaneer (my eye makeup was probably looking a bit Jack Sparrow by this point too.) I am so upset. Switched to drinking water and stumbled through a chat about how much we have in common and how we don't even have to try we both just get on so well. I suggested that was a good foundation for a friendship and didn't necessarily mean anything more should happen. He said he wanted more and he'd been really nervous about meeting me that night. I said he was feeling like this because of girl #2. He said no, it had always been me.

Bars were closing and this seemed like a good time to make a sharp exit in any case. Before we parted ways, he asked if he could see me again over the weekend and I said we'd sort something out, but I do think a spot of space is called for.

I'm shocked he is doing this when not only does he know about Boyf, he knows (a little) about Alfie. Or maybe that is why he's doing this... maybe he thinks I am looking for something else... Aw, crap.

Facked

Lest we forget: Mybug. It was Our Day Out yesterday. We were due to meet at 5:45 outside FACT, to see Pan's Labyrinth. By some fluke of science - or maybe physics in particular, I recall some sort of equation about speed and velocity, but nothing about the number 14 bus - I managed to get there early despite leaving at 5 o'clock, the journey usually taking at least 45 minutes, being in rush hour traffic, having to walk from one side of town to the other in high heeled boots that were certainly not made for walking, and not being entirely sure where FACT was (I was last there August 2004 with Dedalus, for The Bourne Supremacy, and I had to hide from my old pretentious tutor whom I spotted in the bar.)

He managed to turn up a little bit late. And a little bit drunk. He was paint-spattered, which was cute, because he'd been working with kids all day. I went to kiss him hello on the cheek and he grabbed me and kissed me on the mouth. He had a huge cold sore. Not so cute. Remember how much I fancied Alfie and the thing on my lip was basically gone at the Christmas party and I pushed him away when he tried to kiss me because of it? He still believes I rejected him to this day. There is no excuse for wantonly spreading herpes.

The film was really good and he brought sweeties. I'm not a sweeties during the movie type of girl but still, thoughtful. However, he kept grabbing me and trying to hold my hand, he'd put his arm around me or lean on my shoulder, at one point I swear he tried to cop a feel but for my deft manoeuvring, and then he bit my shoulder. I'm just sitting there thinking oh, fuck and waiting for him to read the body language. I don't think he would have done any of that except he'd been drinking. I was thinking it's probably difficult for someone with ADHD to sit through a movie like that?

Spoiler alert: you know the scene where Ofelia's mother is dying and the Captain says to save the baby before saving her? Mybug actually said to me, "If we were in that situation I'd save you." I said; "I'm glad you're not a fascist." He said, "I just love your boobs too much... that was borderline wasn't it?" I said, "No, you're so across the line!"

After the film, we went to the bar where he works, had mojitos, and he introduced me to some people. Then I said I'd have to get my bus, so he walked to the top of Bold Street with me. He asked me to dance in the street, grabbed me, spun me around, whipped me up into his arms, and twirled. Meanwhile, I am like as stiff as a board yelping, "I'll fall!" and "Trust issues!"

Asking him to the movies was such a good idea, non?

Lordy. So I guess I need to speak to him now or not see him again, because he was obviously treating it as a date despite the fact that every second word out of my mouth now is 'boyfriend', the first word being 'my'. There were some funny moments as he is quite witty but it was just far too uncomfortable, I really didn't want to say anything about it at the time but it was not a pleasant experience when he was getting all hands-on in the cinema. To compound matters, I was thinking about Alfie the whole time because 'Muffin bumped into him during a staff visit to his new workplace. I was dying to ask him a million questions despite the fact that I wouldn't get any answers that would satisfy me. He did say he's lost more hair though. It's such a shame for him :P

Tomorrow: Dedalus.

I need more girl friends.

Nightmare Before Christmas

As you are probably aware, since it's all I've rambled on about for the last several hundred posts, yesterday was the Christmas party. There are some pics up on Flickr, but more to follow on Monday after I've swapped with 'Muffin. Wondy - the cravat trend continues!

Well. Well, well. Where do I fucking start?

I'll skip all the introduction. Most people have probably experienced the office party and know all about how crap they generally are until people are hammered and start copping off in broom cupboards etc. Imagine the first two hours of your own office party and then situate it in a trendy club. The usual suspects leave early. The quiet girl gets drunk really quickly and dances ludicrously but enthusiastically. There is small talk, and that one person who can't resist talking about work. We all compliment each others' outfits. Blah de blah. Let's get to Alfie.

I noticed him as soon as I walked in, but me and 'Muffin stayed at the other end of the bar. He came over, kissed me on the cheek and was instantly flirtatious. I ignored it and talked to Lila. I mingled for a bit with other people but Alfie kept coming over. He told me I looked nice and stroked my hair in front of Jojo. I teased him about the cravat and he said it was an extra layer for me to take off later. He told me I looked very elegant. I pointed out the shoes. He said, "I noticed. I'll let you leave them on." When I was dancing with the girls he came over and was trying to feel my arse. I moved and danced next to Ozzie.

Later in the night we commandeered one of the booths. Alfie was flitting here there and everywhere, since as he told me, he knows everyone. He brought his friend Alex over and reintroduced us. He started asking me to go back to his place. I told him it wasn't going to happen. He was like, "You're blowing me out? You only get one chance. I don't respond well to that." Then he started telling me what he wanted to do to me. I told him a man can dream. He said, "Oh no, you can't play hard to get with me." This was all in stolen snatches of conversation because at this point I was still trying to be discreet.

I danced with the girls a lot and Alfie joined us a few times. At one point we were kind of tucked into a corner and he told me that he really enjoyed last week, but felt shit afterwards because of the Boyf. I agreed and said I could do something about that though. He asked me what I could do, but I realised what a stupid thing that was to say and just laughed. He had his arm around me and his hand on my arse as we were talking to people. Lila came over and asked me what was going on with us. She's witnessed stuff before so I just laid my cards out on the table and told her that yeah I liked him but he just wanted a shag and that wasn't going to happen. She said she thought he liked me and wasn't only after a shag. I said, well I have a boyfriend anyway. Alfie came over and asked me to follow him. I leaned over and told 'Muffin I was disappearing for a bit and followed Alfie to the VIP area. We had a dance and he sang really badly in my ear. He was on at me to go back to his again, saying we could leave now and he'd call me a taxi at four. I just shook my head at him and kept dancing, then his mate called him to get him in so I was saved by the bell.

When I rejoined the table, loads of people had left. I sat with Lila until she lit up a cigar and set off the fire alarm. Surprisingly, nothing happened and eventually it went off. Alfie came back and wanted to know why I wouldn't leave with him. I told him I wasn't that sort of girl and that I was worth the wait, as he should know. He said how was he meant to know and he'd waited long enough and then he walked off! I must've looked like I'd been smacked in the face because 'Muffin came over and asked me if I was okay. I went and sat back with Lila and considered ringing Boyf and going home there and then. 'Muffin asked me not to go and I got up and danced with him and his mate for a bit. Then I felt a hand on my arm and Alfie pulled me away from them and into a queue. He smuggled me and his mate downstairs into another VIP (VVIP I guess?) room and his mate bought me a drink. I tried to chat to his mate for a bit. He seems a lot more down to earth than Alfie and we struck up a bit of banter.

Alfie dragged us off to a seated area and then played out all his cool shit, generally posing and being annoying. He bugged me about going back to his some more and I told him I couldn't get away with it again. He said this was the perfect and last opportunity. I asked him what he meant by that. He was like, it's the Christmas party, when else have you got such a good excuse? (Yeah, I can see he feels really bad about Boyf!) I said, what do you want? He gave me the sexy look. "One night stand?" I asked. He said, "No. And besides, this is the second night." I asked him what he wants again and he said, "You know I don't want a big long term relationship. I want some fun." Then Lila landed in the seat next to me and I gave her a hug and said, "Save me!"

Alfie started trying to kiss me and I pulled away. "What's that about?" he asked. (For those wondering, the lip is back to normal but I still wasn't going to kiss the guy on the mouth so soon.) I leaned in and kissed his neck and slipped my hand inside his shirt. Then I pulled away and when I turned around Lila and Alex were watching us. I noticed the sash on my dress was undone and asked Lila to tie it. As she was doing it, Alfie slipped his hand right down the back of my dress and pushed his fingers under the top of my underwear. I wriggled away and Lila was laughing.

It quickly became apparent that Lila was utterly wrecked. I took her to the toilets and she was in there for about twenty minutes. When we resurfaced, Alfie was at the bar and I went and danced with him for a bit. He slipped his hand down the back of my dress a little again and said, "Aren't you wearing a bra?" Then started saying how I would be naked later except for the shoes. When I disagreed he tried to negotiate for the shoes and the underwear. He was asking if I'd chosen my underwear especially for him and I said no and just shook my head at him. I could tell he was getting annoyed because I wasn't giving him the reaction he wanted, but he was making me feel really cheap and there was no way I was going to go home with him no matter how much I like him.

I was starting to worry about Lila and Alex was moving in on her. I told her it was time to go home but she wasn't having any of it. Eventually I got her to sit down and she started texting her mates so I thought she was okay. I noticed Alfie talking to some girl as I was trying to sort Lila out. When I'd got her settled, he'd stopped so I went over and stood with him and his mate. His mate started chatting about Alfie, bigging him up, and Alfie was like, "I can hear every word!" Then the girl started talking to him again so I danced with the mate for a bit. His mate was like "Let's groove!" I liked him, he was really funny. I leaned over to check on Lila and the mate said to me, "It's okay he hasn't gone far, I'm not going to try anything." I told him I was worried about Lila and he told me not to. I noticed the girl had hold of Alfie's phone. His mate said to me, "Go and get a grip of your fella and tell him to stop being such a dickhead," I told him he wasn't my fella. He said, "I know but he came here with you tonight and now he's flirting with some girl right in front of your face. The disrespect! How disrespectful is that?" I was like, shit. Alfie is always talking to girls when we are out because he has a lot of female friends and I didn't want to presume anything about him talking to this girl. But when his mate said that to me I felt like a complete fool. "Where are you from?" he asked me, and I told him. "Bloody hell," he said, "You're from there and you're letting him get away with that?! How have you survived?" I thought about telling him I had a boyfriend so I could hardly talk, but instead I said: "You're right, I'm leaving." His mate panicked and told me not to leave because of what he'd said. I told him I had to take Lila home.

I went to check on Lila and she was semi-conscious and the contents of her handbag were on the floor. I picked up all her stuff, pulled the hair back from her face and told her I was taking her home. I rang the Boyf and asked him to come get us. It was three thirty and the club was closing. Alfie was still talking to the girl, calling her "Hell's Bells" (she was called Helen which is his best mates name and he calls her that), who looked like one of the blonde Bratz can I just add, and I was trying to fasten Lila's shoes. (Okay yes I am fucking jealous, I readily admit it, but I think I had good reason!) I think they must have asked Alfie to go somewhere and he said no, he was with some girls from work and he gestured towards us. One of the girls really bitchily said, "Oh yeah, they look like nice girls," in this sarcastic, catty tone. I glanced up and gave them a dirty look. At this point I was losing my rag. Alfie had been an arse all night, I was left looking after Lila while he moved on to some tramp, and even his mates were practically telling me to get some self respect. The girls laughed and walked off and the bar staff were ushering everyone out. I stood up and shouted, "Your mate is a fucking bitch!" (I kind of slipped on the whole channeling Elizabeth Bennet at this point, but how great would it be if she'd said that in P&P?!) Alfie looked really shocked. I got Lila standing up but she fell back down and pulled me with her. Alfie said he'd get her and propped her up. He asked me what was up and I think I may have told him to fuck off, either that or just by my face he could tell I was pissed off because I heard him go: "Whoa!"

We got outside and we were both holding Lila up. He was asking me if I was okay and I told him I was fine. He asked me why I was being weird and I told him I wasn't being weird. He said I was obviously being weird with him and I said, "Why, cos I'm not kissing your arse?" He was like, fucking hell. He asked Alex to take Lila home and I put my foot down and said no. He said he'd go with them (where that left me I don't know) but I told him it was okay, to just wait with us for ten minutes and Boyf would take us home. He sneered, "Boyf to the rescue is it?"

The wait outside is a little bit jumbled because I was angry and Lila was being difficult. I remember telling Alex to leave her alone. I said I was freezing and pressed myself into Lila, who I was still holding upright. Alfie pressed himself against me and kissed my shoulder. Alex wanted to leave and was asking Alfie why they were staying. I told him he was being a gentleman. Alfie said, "Chica's boyfriend is coming to get them." I can't remember how it came about but Alfie was saying something about Boyf and I said, "Why, are you jealous?" and he thought about it for a second, looked right at me and said, "Yes." I told him he didn't have to be. He said, but you're going home with him and not me. Somehow, I told him I didn't want to end up with nothing. He said he couldn't promise me anything and that he'd said from the beginning that he didn't want a long term girlfriend. I said I knew that, but I was worth more than just a shag. (This is while we are holding Lila up between us by the arms!) He said he knew that and he'd said that from the beginning to me too. I told him he had never said anything like that to me. He made a noise like he was frustrated. His mate started causing trouble so he went to sort that out. Boyf arrived and pulled up down the street. I carefully led Lila to the car, grabbing Alfie's arm on the way and telling him we were leaving. Lila tried to get in the car from the wrong side. I managed to lever her in and thanked the Boyf for coming to get us.

During the drive to Lila's, I held her hand and tried to keep her talking. She seemed a little better and was thanking Boyf for taking her home. I told her he did this every night of the week. I was so glad to see him. Alfie text me to say that he had Lila's mobile phone. When we got to her house, I took her inside. When I was pulling her out of the car, she bit into my arm. Then I had to stand with her outside her house while she repeatedly apologised and hugged me. She couldn't put the key in the door. I got her a glass of water and put it next to her bed. I left her a note telling her that Alfie had her phone. I had to stop her wandering out into the hall.

When I got home, I had messages from Alfie. I apologised if I was weird. He said I was weird towards the end of the night but nevermind. I text back: I see your non-committal message and raise you an Alfie shrug, because he had been shrugging at me every time I rejected him and when I told him it was his loss. In the end I couldn't be bothered replying to his messages and just went to sleep.

Another huge post, sorry! I should post these in installments...

Anyway, this morning he text me asking how I was and everything. I rehashed things with 'Muffin whose conclusion is as follows:

Chica: if Alfie asks what was wrong again I'm gonna tell him he made me feel cheap
'Muffin: if he makes u feel like that why do you want him
'Muffin: he should be treating you like a princess
'Muffin: I'd give my bloody book collection away for a girl like u!

What happens next is anyones guess. But I'm thinking it should involve kicking and kerbs.

Caught In A Moment

Sorry to cause any alarm with my last couple of posts. I do totally regret doing back to his place. But, the night itself was ruddy fantastic. I had a ball! That's why I'm kicking myself. If I'd ended the night sooner, it would have ended on a high. Rather than ending with a lot of fuss about my whereabouts and smudged mascara.

And although I do regret going back to his, even that wasn't catastrophic. It was amazing lying in his arms. I was being a saucy little minx and he loved it. The whispering was really intimate. We had a lot of fun, and it was kind of nice that he didn't want me to leave? He knew he wasn't getting any, and he still wanted me to stay.

I felt really awful yesterday, mostly out of guilt and a kind of horror at my own stupidity. I really don't know what's going on with Alfie or what will happen next. I'll see him next weekend at the Christmas party. He was texting me yesterday. He's split with "Sarah". He said I should leave the Boyf (but not for him.) I really don't know what I want any more. I'm kind of besotted with Alfie against all reason. The more I get to know him... it's not that I don't like what I get to know, but I can't help comparing him to the Boyf. And the Boyf wins out on everything. So why am I still hooked on Alfie? It's like I'm on some self destructive mission or something. This cannot end happily. Can it?

Love Fool

We met for drinks. He was waiting for me outside the bar when I arrived. I was five minutes late. Or eight minutes, according to him. He tapped his watch as I approached him. I laughed and kissed him on the cheek. We went inside and I bought him a sangria for making him wait, but then he wouldn't let me pay for anything else. (Points!) I went totally prepared to go Dutch though.

So. We chatted for a bit and it was going pretty well. He told me about his new job, and the lack of hotties. His best friend called him, and he talked about me. He told him that he'd have to go because he was with a hot lady who was checking him out and he was being rude. He asked me where I was 'officially'. I told him my (as it turned out, rubbish) cover story. I asked him where he was officially. He said, here. I asked who with. He said, "you... or, 'a girl I used to work with'."

We moved on to a bar of his choice - his usual haunt. There was a queue outside. He walked to the front and we got straight in. A girl started to complain in the queue. The bouncer told her we were members. He knows everyone there. It sounds so school-girlish, but I felt kind of good that he took me there as his date so openly. We had a drink at the bar and then he got us a table and a bottle of wine, to usher in a new depth of drunkenness. And, correspondingly, flirtation. And a lot of giggling.

At midnight we went downstairs into the club. We had a few dances and a few more drinks. Then my sister text me asking if I still wanted a lift. I text her back and told her I'd get a taxi since it was getting late. Alfie took the phone from me and sent her a message saying he'd look after me and put me in a taxi. My sister sent him some funny messages telling him to take care of me cos I'm extra special and to watch his hands. And telling him that he was a PLAYER. She referred to him as bro.

Then Alfie asked me back to his place. I said no. He said nothing would happen, we'd just have kisses. I said no. He said he'd call me a taxi from his house. I said I needed to go home. We left the club and started walking towards his place, trying to flag down a taxi. We walked together arm in arm, laughing and talking. It was easy. I paid for a taxi to his and he invited me inside. We stumbled in (I'm really drunk at this stage) through the door and up the stairs to his bedroom in the attic. He put on the Paolo Nutini CD and unbuttoned his shirt.

We had some kisses and rolled around on his bed for a bit. We whispered things to each other. I teased him. He did a lot of hair pulling, which was weird. Then I said I'd better go. He pointed out that it was half past five in the morning. He asked me to stay until seven and he'd drive me home. He pulled me close to him and put his arms around me. We fell asleep.

I woke up with a start at about eight fifteen. My first thought? Oh, shit. I hid my head under the covers for a second. Then I jumped up, checked my phone. 25 missed calls. 5 text messages. 3 voicemails.

Alfie took me home.

Should not have gone back to his place.

Wrecking Ball

Ohhhhhhkay. Last night I had a date with Alfie. We got really drunk. Strike that. He got me really drunk. Today, I have a wine hangover. And a life hangover.

Yesterday, I was going crazy with nerves about the date. Today, he's a normal man again. I don't know what it is. Something about seeing a guy in just his socks really makes you realise he's only human.

Last night I met a local celebrity, who told me that Alfie was a great guy. And I felt like I was with one. I'd been quite calm getting ready for the date. Except that I came on my period and woke up with an outcrop of spots inhabiting my chin. Perfect timing.

What I've learned from this experience? Alcohol and poor judgement really do go hand in hand! And, always have an alibi in place before your boyfriend wakes up your entire family because you haven't come home yet! My mother knows. My mother! (My sister is a big grass!)

Yes, I stayed at his place. But that didn't happen. We just fooled around. Then I asked him to call me a taxi. But he put his arms around me and asked me to stay. I fell asleep with him holding me and telling me my body was amazing.

(Why do things seem perfectly reasonable when you're drunk? I told him I didn't want to stay over because I hated the thought of going home in the same clothes the next morning and he was like "I'll lend you a t-shirt." As if I could go home wearing another man's t-shirt, but it seemed perfectly plausible at the time. I'm telling you kids, alcohol is wicked. In the bad sense of the word.)

But this morning, everything looked different. Seedy. I'll never do it again.

Close Encounters

So, today I went shopping again with very good intentions of spending money on other people and getting in a few Christmas pressies. I could not resist going into Faith and trying on some boots. They were £30 off, come on! But the colour I wanted were still full price. So I left them. But I can't promise I won't return.

On the way to look at something for my dad, I asked the Boyf, my very unwilling shopping buddy for the day, if he minded if we popped into River Island. I knew what I was looking for, so I walked straight through the shop to the back wall and straight to the end of the jewellery section, the Boyf trailing stoically behind me. I heard a voice say "Hello." It took a moment to register with me and then I heard it again. I turned. It was Himself, wearing his new leather jacket. "200 quid for that?!" I said, rather undiplomatically. He laughed. I introduced him to the Boyf. They shook hands right in front of my face. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. In that moment, I felt like the lowest of the low. I thought: this is not my life.

We stumbled over a couple more niceties and then his friend came out of the changing rooms and we bid each other farewell. (He didn't introduce me to his - female - friend.) I was giggling because I was nervous. I covered my mouth with my scarf and pretended to be really preoccupied with looking at purses. Boyf commented that Himself's hand was really sweaty.

I picked up a heart pendant and said I just wanted to look at a handbag downstairs. I picked up a red sequinned purse and tried to open it and the clasp fell off onto the floor. I laughed and picked it up and noticed Himself again. I pretended not to see him, and headed straight for the tills. On the way out, I kept my eyes to the floor, but I knew he was still there. Boyf later told me he'd been standing by the counter, striking a pose. He said he just stared at him.

The weird thing is, Boyf took an instant dislike to him. He described him as "an arrogant arsehole" who "looked gay" and "loved himself." Once we were home, in discussion with MJ, he told him that he was "weird looking with a bigger fod than Ant & Dec put together" and ridiculed him for spending £200 on a coat. MJ pointed out that Boyf had spent more than that on his North Face coat. "Yeah," Boyf said, "but that's useful, I could wear that in the Antarctic. I'd like to see him in the Antarctic!" He also said he made sure he gave him a very firm handshake and squeezed his hand really hard.

Jesus!

Before we came home Boyf and I went for something to eat. But I couldn't relax because my heart was racing after the encounter and I was trying desperately to talk about normal things. Boyf kept asking what I was thinking about and teased me that I was thinking about Himself and reckoned I fancied him. I replied with a very unconvincing "Shut up." I sent Himself a text saying: shit sorry, I think I blacked out for a second there. He replied: It's ok. You didn't act at all strange. I saw you as soon as you walked in and it was as though you just walked right through the shop and stood next to me. I was chuckling. As Guillermo said, chuckling so much his hands were sweating!

That was just the weirdest thing ever. It really was like it was meant to happen.

Oh, and then he sent me a picture of him in his Calvins. As you do.

Closer

As the lovely Heather recently said, Huzzah! The 'z' on my keyboard is acting up.

Well. I have so much to report. I remember back in the day when I could write a whole blog post about Himself maybe saying I had nice hair, or choosing a seat near mine, or laughing at a joke I made, but nowadays, all those little details become lost by the great big stomping fact that: we snogged!

Yeah, boo, hiss, I'm a dirty adulterer. I know all that stuff in my head, I should be made to walk round with a scarlet letter, I know I know I know. But can you all just be like the Samantha friend and not judge me? (Please don't be the Charlotte, I couldn't take the Charlotte!) 'Cos even though I am going to be hit by a big fist of guilt the moment I see my boyfriend, right now I wanna run round with my knickers on my head shouting: whheeeeeeeeee!

If I promise not to judge you, please don't do the knickers thing.

Oh my God. It was a much better encounter than Thursday, when he mauled me. He was still trying to go too far though, the naughty, persistant scamp! But I'm getting ahead of myself. Where to begin?

Okay. This morning I dressed in the stuff I told ya'll about yesterday. Including the new boots. Just before break he came down from his office and gave me the CD he promised to copy for me and we chatted a little bit. On breaks and everything today we have been really chatty with each other, just about regular stuff and it's been great. For example, we were talking about Bond and I said I'm not a fan of the Brosnon because he is smarmy. Himself was dismayed and began quizzing me over what movie stars I do like. After first break, he emailed me to say I was looking good, and when I didn't reply straight away he came down from his office to complain I was being 'smug.' I emailed him back and the subject got on to clothes. Cue the cheesy lines from Himself: "that old thing", is figure hugging. Wouldn't mind doing a bit of that myself ;-)

Mid email frenzy, I had to go around the library with a trolley collecting books. He came and found me on the first floor. The aisle I was in had a table of guys who had been checking me out when I walked past them, and while Himself was talking to me I saw him looking at them clocking it. He said he liked my boots and I told him I wasn't sure what I could wear them with and asked his opinion; he said 'nothing'. Then we talked about the Paolo Nutini gig he's going to tonight and I told him I'd have Last Request on repeat while he was enjoying the real thing, with the intention that he'd then think of me when the song played :P Then we both had to get back to work but he walked along with me and my trolley for a bit.

Anyway, back to the emails. We got on to discussing a certain jacket of his that I said reminded me of an old lecturer ('y'know, if he'd been fit and I'd wanted to snog the face off him'), who I said was 'a smarmy Pierce Brosnan type.' (And here's where my tip of the day comes in: if you want to make a guy like you, comparing him to Jude Law seems to do the trick!)

Himself: Like me ;-)
Chica: I’d say you were a bit more Jude Law than Pierce Brosnan… Not sure if you’ll take that as a compliment or not!
H: Jude Law is a legend. But my head would explode if I was to believe that line.
C: I said more so than Pierce, not that you’d be mobbed for autographs in the street :P He could play you in a film though ;) xx
H: Jude Law could play me in a film?
C: Yep. He’d need to work on the accent though…
H: You are fastly becoming my favourite person ever. Although i dont know if my head will fit out of the door now to come to lunch.
C: Although, he has already been in Alfie, so don’t know if he’d want to work on such a similar film??? :P x
H: Alfie. Ha. Shut up x

Banter galore right? Am I right? And nothing is sexier than banter my friends!

Jude knows how to please the ladies.

So, when he came down for lunch, he was dropping all these lines about Jude Law, asking people if they'd seen the film Alfie, singing Hey Jude etc. Me and a woman I work with were in agreement that Jude Law, though pretty, quite obviously loves himself and therefore loses points with us :P Then we were talking about his new job and Himself asked me directly, in front of people, if I thought he'd be able to just get an assistant sent up to his office for him at his new place. Then Nutter was flicking through a kids biology book and Himself was going on about how interesting he found the body and giving me that really sexy look again.

How I love that sexy look!

So. After lunch Himself was texting and emailing to try and get me to meet him for a 'stairwell rendezvous' but I was busy until about half two. I was meant to be tidying shelves so I told Shelverboy that if anyone was looking for me he should say I was helping a student, and walked past Himself's office and started going up to the third floor. When I got to the second floor, Himself came onto the stairwell below me. We were laughing and teasing each other; I'd already told him I was gonna let him know his boundaries and he was saying, "No boundaries, we hate boundaries."

Once we were in our 'spec', he pressed up against me and started rubbing his face against mine and running his hands over my thighs. Our legs were entwined. I decided to make the most of it and not to lose my bottle this time since I was basically at the point of no return anyway.

I put my arms around him under his jacket and tilted my mouth towards his. We started to kiss each other hesitantly at first and he slipped his hands under my skirt. I moved his hands away every time he did it and each time he'd stop kissing me. "Chill out," he said, and then, when he wasn't getting his way, "You're not gonna chill out are you?" I told him to behave and pulled him back towards me, kissing him. I was stroking his face and chest and kissing his neck. He was still trying to get under my skirt! I grabbed his arse and pulled him towards me. I could feel that he was hard and then he started to grind against me. He had me up against this metal door and it was making loads of noise. Then I spotted a student coming up the stairs and we had to prise ourselves apart.

We talked for a minute. He berated me for stopping him. I told him I had to stop him because I knew I'd be getting a text in twenty minutes or five seconds saying he regretted it. He said he wouldn't text me that tonight. He asked me what I was thinking. I said, "I can't believe I'm snogging (his real name) on the third floor." I asked what he was thinking. He said "I'm thinking I want you naked." We started to fool around again but we were both getting a bit jumpy. "We're going to get caught aren't we?" I said. Neither of us had any feasible excuse for being up there. "Let's go," I said, and we headed back downstairs. On the first floor, he ducked into the fire refuge and kissed me again. Then we headed out onto the first floor and pretended to have a conversation about something I'd showed him and how he should always contact me and I'd show him how it's done. He said he needed my help to find out what's under my tights. Then I went back to my books and had a surprisingly normal conversation with Shelverboy, who really needs a better nickname.

Fuck, this is a really long post, sorry!

Onto the final chapter now. Himself and I managed to be normal around each other at break. We talked about movies with everyone. Then I emailed him: Your moves have improved Alfie, I'm having a good effect on you already! ;P xx

Himself: My moves have improved. Which moves in particular
Chica: The few I've seen.
H: I havent even started. When I start, there can be no boundaries
C: There are those promises again ;)
H: Well you only find out when you stop with the boundaries
C: Maybe you need to try harder to break them down? ;) x
H: It's quite hard to when my hand gets yanked away, almost rupturing tendons!!!
C: Two rendezvous does not equal access all areas. This is one place where knowing all the right people won't get you in!
H: Why not??? So what do I have to do then?
C: Because I'm not that kind of girl! No, really :P *sigh* Alfie would know...
H: Alfie doesn’t care. Alfie needs to break down those barriers x

During this, he kept having to nip downstairs to deal with people at the computing desk, and he kept saying things as he ran past. I complained that he'd mauled me last week, and he said that he hadn't even started. He looked all flushed and excited and happy, and I'm betting so did I.

Now I dont see him for two days, and then I have one more day with him.

I'm thinking the only way to go from here is down, right? But: I got to snog him! Huzzah!

What Chica Did Next

What happens next?

I was on the third floor information desk. The people in the office behind me had disappeared for their break. Himself had already been up once for a spot of flirting, to find out what the sexy look I said he'd given me looked like. Then came the emails I posted already.

I was wearing this huge, silly smile reading them. Then a couple of students asked for my help, and I had to answer their queries. I started concocting a jocular way of saying no to his last email, when he burst through the double doors opposite my desk onto the third floor and strode towards the back staircase with a huge grin on his face. I burst out laughing. He lifted his chin and carried on. "I'm just emailing you!" I called. "Yeah," he answered from near the double doors, then he came back and said, "It's really dark in there too!" He looked devilish and handsome and excited. I looked at the time. It was almost time to finish anyway. I shut down the computer. He gave up and was about to leave. "Where are you going?" I asked, moving around the front of the desk. "Oh right," he said, and turned on his heel, leading the way to the back stairs. I followed him; a couple of students looked up as we passed.

It was pitch dark in there. I could hardly see his face, just make out his smile in the faint light from the street light through the window. He walked straight to the end of the little enclosure and leaned against the wall. I leaned against the opposite wall. We were both laughing. "Come on then," he said, "I thought you were going to do all kinds to me before my clothes were even off?"
I steeled myself and stepped forward. I walked right up to him until our bodies were touching. I couldn't see his face. I leaned forwards and rested my hands on the wall above his shoulders. I put my face close to his and brushed my lips against his cheek, lingering around but not touching his mouth, then kissing his neck really gently. He tasted like cologne. Then I slid a hand down to his waist and pulled him towards me. He started to respond and so I pulled away and laughed. "Shithouse," he said as I pulled the door handle to leave. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back inside, pushing me up against the wall. He pressed his body against mine, slipped his hand under my top and stroked my hip, and then...

Then he started thrusting a hand between my legs. "Don't," I whispered, pulling on the lapels of his suit jacket. Then he started trying to rub me through my jeans, really roughly. It hurt. "Stop it," I said, and pushed him away. "Shithouse," he said again, and again when I opened the door and left. I stroked his chest. "Not here, not now," I said. "Why?" he asked. I just laughed and walked away.

He followed me and we went down separate staircases to the ground floor. As soon as he went through the doors of the middle staircase I bolted across the third floor, running past a load of students who were eyeing me like I was a madwoman. I was more than a little shellshocked. I have to say I was a bit disappointed in his moves. What the Hell was that all about? It was hardly smooth. I mean, I don't know how he expected to turn me on by doing that, was he looking for a switch down there??

That said, I was elated. But almost immediately he text me apologising and saying he took things too far. A flurried spate of texting extracted the following information: he regretted what had just happened, he didn't want to cheat on Sarah, he wasn't going to leave her, something might happen in the future between us, he wanted to fuck me everywhere, he didn't want to come between me and the Boyf, and he promised he wouldn't be weird with me in work. I also told him he'd been quite rough.

Himself: Oh right. You prefer it more gentle then.
Chica: To begin with.
Himself: I'll remember.

He said he was sorry and felt like he was messing me about but he didn't mean to. I felt really rubbish and wanted to scream yes you are messing me about could you give me any more mixed messages than this? But instead I text back that we'd said it was just harmless flirting so he wasn't messing me about and that I knew it wasn't going anywhere, in an effort to avoid said weirdness.

I turned off my phone about eleven that night, but the next morning when I turned it on there was a message from him trying to get me to send him saucy pictures! I replied, 'haha, cheeky, pictures like that have to be earned'. But inside I was thinking... well, WTF?

I've seen him since and it was a little awkward but he did wish me a good night that night (I was going out with people from work) and was asking about the sexy boots I'd brought with me to change into.

I really don't know what to make of it all. I just can't stop thinking about his face as he burst through those double doors and how funny it was. I'd rather forget the crotch debacle though.

I repeat: What the Fuck?

Hit Me Baby One More Time

Hey, guess what? I found the harm in dirty emails. It lies just after him calling your bluff, and just before the texts saying he regrets it all! Read it from the bottom, up. And just so you know, I still haven't even kissed him.

From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:53
To: Chica
Subject: RE:

2 minutes time.
yes or no

From: Chica
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:53
To: Himself
Subject: RE:

don't be calling my bluff (his real, full name)!

From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:51
To: Chica
Subject: RE:

so i'll see you in 2 minutes then

From: Chica
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:50
To: Himself
Subject: RE:

it's always quiet in the xxxxxxxxx end stairwell. it's also the warmest place in the building ;) x

From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:48
To: Chica
Subject: RE:

really. Well i believe its pretty quiet in the xxxxxxxxx end stairwell right now :-)

From: Chica
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:47
To: Himself
Subject: RE:

well, if you really wanna know, get your kit off i'll be down in 2 minutes x

;)

It wouldn't happen like that, it would all happen at once, I would be doing things to you before you even had your clothes off xx

From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:43
To: Chica
Subject: RE:

well yes, she probably would have.
but, that wasnt the question.
I asked, what comes next.

The clothes are off. Now what???

From: Chica
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:42
To: Himself
Subject: RE:

Well if I'd have done it Tuesday night I think (old lady) might have had something to say.

From: Himself
Sent: 16 November 2006 16:39
To: Chica
Subject:

so out of interest then, what happens after you have ripped my clothes off

KnockBack from SexyBack

Well, after a disappointing day yesterday, and increasingly difficult moments with the Boyf, I decided to have it out with Himself and sort out once and for all what's going on between us. Ever wish you hadn't made an incredibly stupid, rash decision?

I was feeling pretty bold in a pair of high heels, well fitting dark blue jeans, and a simple but flattering top, and finally stopped acting like such a wimp. I summoned him to meet me while I was on a really boring shelving job. When I noticed him approaching, my heart started beating faster. I tried to prepare myself. He turned the corner and said "Just follow the sound of the jingling," about my bracelets. I agreed and commented that I was noisy today, since he'd earlier remarked on my high heels clicking across the floor. He'd also stroked my arm while we were looking at photos, put his head really close to mine, and told me I looked cute in a truly heinous picture of me and 'Muffin. Since the flirting episodes were apparently back on I would maybe have not bothered with the talk, except I'd already asked to chat to him that morning.

I can't face re-hashing it all, so here is the e-mail I sent Guillermo earlier today.

Well, it went okay, but basically nothings gonna happen and I can't get my hands on Himself.

I was really proud of myself actually for the way I handled it; I was very grown up and really cool when he gave me the knock back.

I said there were probably better ways to put it but I needed to know where I stood and whether or not this was harmless flirting or if he wanted something to happen. He said he didn't know. I said he'd asked me what I wanted but I didn't know what he wanted, that he speaks to me likes he's single when he's not, and that I need to know what he thinks.

He said he does want something to happen and he is interested but he couldn't cheat on Sarah. I said for the record I wouldnt cheat on the Boyf, if he asked me out I would finish with him first. He said things are going shit with him and Sarah at the minute and they could break up at the weekend, he doesn't know.

I said I just wanted to grab him and he laughed, I said I felt like I couldn't because I think he regrets Saturday. He said he doesn't regret it at all. I said 'You said a lot of things to me on Saturday, but I didn't take them seriously because you were drunk.'

He asked what he said. I said 'Do you remember trying to kiss me on the way out?' he looked sheepish and said no. I said 'Do you remember asking me to come home with you?' he covered his face with his hand, I said 'Do you remember telling me to get single?' he squirmed a bit further and said sorry. I said it was ok cos I knew he was pissed. He said sorry :P

I said 'Ok, just harmless flirting then?' he said 'For now' and I said I was happy with that.

Then we talked about how his jacket was looking a bit shiny and had he ironed it? :P

I said to be honest I never thought he'd be interested anyway until Saturday. He said he was interested it was just the situation. I said 'I know, I'm in the same situation.'

I said thanks for coming to chat to me, he apologised again and said he shouldn't have said all that on Saturday. I said it was fine and not to worry about it.

Not spoken to him since, but you know he's not gonna effin flirt with me ever again in a gazillion years :P

I need a hug :( x

At some point he also said that being tied to an office chair sounded great, forgot that bit earlier :P *sigh*

What now?

Secretary

I know I promised I wouldn't, but I've since had requests, and I've also been advised to delete these messages off my phone, which I don't think I can bear to do, so this is just in case I have to at a moments notice :P

After our morning break today, Himself came down and told me he'd texted me and I should go and get my phone. I talked to him a little bit (like, a sentence) and then picked my phone up out of my drawer, at which point he looked all shy, so I didn't read it in front of him. I took my book trolley to collect some things from the shelves and smuggled the phone out with me. It said: How about that meeting in my office? I, thinking he was just repeating the chat up lines of the weekend, quickly replied with a huge smile on my face.

Chica: You're all talk x
H: My office is empty
C: Are you tryna get me in trouble? I'm on holds, first floor is next on my list x
H: Ha. See you soon

When I got that empty office message, I nearly fell over. I ran and put some lipstick on and checked my hair in the mirror. Once there, however, it was hella awkward. I asked what I could do for him and he just laughed. We just kept looking at each other and laughing. I was the most nervous and blushing rather furiously at first but on looking back I have to say I went in there and actually tried to talk, while he invited me there and didn't really have a clue what he'd do if I came. We talked about job interviews. And a little about Saturday night. I said we'd crossed a line. He said nothing really happened and nothing would happen anyway. On my way out (I was running late with the job I was meant to be doing) I said, "So is that your final answer? Nothing can happen?" He looked surprised and said that 'Muffin had told him I wouldn't do anything. He asked me if I wanted something to happen. I said I didn't know and that I'd speak to him about it when I wasn't on the clock. But, once I got outside, I cracked and sent him a text. And then they just kept on coming until lunch time, when I had to sit opposite him in a room full of people, in torment.

C: ('Muffin's real name) has a high opinion of me x
H: And what exactly would you like to happen
C: Well I would simply like to get to know you better x
H: Is that in a 'get to know you better ;-)' kind of way
C: Well I would like you half naked and tied to an office chair really but I gotta start somewhere
H: Now that sounds like a plan
C: Haha, won't be able to look you in the face now x
H: I just want to know why I'm only half naked
C: Helps with balance x
H: The quiet ones are always the worst
C: I'll let you into a secret; I'm not really quiet, it's all a charade. You'll come to know this if you get to know me better ;) Have fun teaching x
H: Is that a 'get to know you' in a 'tied to an office chair' type of way

I'm totally freaking out about things with him now in a way I've never freaked out before. I hate that he knows how much I like him because I think that will be a major turn off. I just don't know what to do next. How do I get him to ask me out? Or should I just leave the ball in his court now? And, should I text him a 'good luck sexy' text in the morning for his job interview or not?

Fireworks

Oh. My. Goodness. Too much to type, too much to tell! Can't function! It's after 4 am and I just got home from my night out with 'Muffin, Heidi, and Himself. I'm too hyper to sleep. I've been a very bad girl.

Photographs are coming soon, and I look DREADFUL in them. But I had a really fun night. We bumped into Lila in the club and had a bit of a dance with her too. I was really good and watched my booze intake because I didn't want a repeat performance. But in the end I was really tired and even drinking water was making me feel sick, so I thought: hometime. I left 'Muffin and Himself to it.

But omigod. Heidi told Himself I wanted to grope him, then he dragged me off for a dance and was like: "grope away." I nearly died. I couldn't even look him in the face while I was dancing with him - total bunny in the headlights syndrome. Then he went to the bar with 'Muffin and asked him if I liked him, and 'Muffin said yes. We changed location and I danced with Heidi for a bit, and then I started worrying that I'd made a huge fool of myself because Himself kept giving me these looks and dancing for me while I was just squirming. He sat next to me and was giving me the eye and I thought well I might aswell give up the ghost and said: "Oh, you're such a tease!" That was the icebreaker.

What an icebreaker it turned out to be. Major flirting for the rest of the night. He tried to kiss me on the stairs on the way out. He started to tell me what he wanted to do to me. He pulled me close to him and stroked my hair. I took hold of his hand as he walked me out, and he asked me why I was shaking! Well, duh! Then, texts, but I won't print them here because I'm sure you're fed up of the text message relay, I greatly apologise, but if I was sitting here with a girl friend, I'd force her to read them too. Since I'm continuing to bore you senseless with wafflings about Himself, I'll cut out the text reports as much as I can.

But oh fuck. I'm still a bit stunned. I thought he was totally uninterested and when I talked to him about it he was like, "Haven't you noticed me checking you out at work? You've got the best body I've ever seen."

Monday's going to be fun. For fun read scary.

Wow. Just: wow.