The Weakest Link

Today was Jack Jack's big day. He looked like a little cutie pie in his Christening gown, and chuckled all the way through the service. He was as good as gold. I sat with my nieces, which was regrettably close to Judas, but he didn't really bother me that much, although frankly I'm surprised he can walk on holy ground. At the end of the service though, my young cousin, who is quite close to Judas and thinks she is a model, started being snotty with me while we were taking photographs. I couldn't walk properly in my new brown shoes, I think I need heel grips. I'm at home now, and they're all at the party. The minute I got home I broke down in floods of tears. My dad tried to take a picture of me at the Christening and I freaked out. I've no idea why, I hate pictures of me as a rule but I quite like having them taken on big occasions so I can look at them when I'm old and wrinkly and remember. When I say freaked out I didn't scream at him or anything, but I just waltzed off. I think it was because I didn't feel like I was part of it, I'm not part of the family any more. I can't believe a sixteen year old has just been so snotty with me. I'm massively over-sensitive when it comes to my family since the Judas/Dick conspiracy kicked off, and any other time would've just laughed at her for being such a tit, but now I'm like "Wahhh! No one likes me!" How pathetic. I'll get over it. One day. It's weird because I have kind of a decent perspective on it, even though I'm boo hooing everywhere I still feel like "Oh well." There are a lot worse things that could be going on, and I'm thankful for the good people in my life like my parents and my boyfriend. I really love my sister but my relationship with her is a bit strained now. I know that she knows what's going on is all bullshit, but she wants to believe Dick at the end of the day, he's the father of her children and I respect that. But it still makes me feel shit that people can just say whatever the Hell they like about me and just get away with it. If I ever did anything remotely like what they have the repercussions would be massive and I'd feel rotten, but that's why they know they can get away with it because I'm between a rock and a hard place, I won't make things worse for my sister and they know that. Gah! But anyway. Now I have to decide whether to show my face at the party later with my boyfriend. Minus points, I'll probably end up crying like an idiot again, plus points, us turning up will really piss some people off :)